In shades of grey and pink...

Who Ever Loved, That Loved Not at First Sight?

2010-01-28T04:04:00.001+08:00

It lies not in our power to love or hate,
For will in us is overruled by fate.
When two are stripped, long ere the course begin,
We wish that one should love, the other win;
And one especially do we affect
Of two gold ingots, like in each respect:
The reason no man knows, let it suffice,
What we behold is censured by our eyes.
Where both deliberate, the love is slight:
Who ever loved, that loved not at first sight?

~ Christopher Marlowe

sMiLes

2010-01-22T03:00:00.001+08:00

"Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open."

said John Barrymore.

♥

Take a Bow - Curtain's finally closing...

2010-01-21T05:29:00.003+08:00

"Oh, How about a round of applause?
Yeah...
A standing ovation?
Oh, Yeah,
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah...

You look so dumb right now,
Standing outside my house...
Trying to apologize,
You're so ugly when you cry,
Please, just cut it out...

Don't tell me you're sorry, cause you're not...
Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught...

But you put on quite a show,
Really had me going...
But now it's time to go,
Curtain's finally closing...

That was quite a show,
Very entertaining...
But it's over now,
(but it's over now)
Go on and take a bow...

Grab your clothes and get gone...
(get gone)
You better hurry up,
Before the sprinklers come on...
(come on)
Talking' bout'
Girl, I love you, you're the one,
This just looks like a re-run,
Please, what else is on?
(on)

Don't tell me you're sorry, cause you're not...
Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught...

But you put on quite a show,
Really had me going...
But now it's time to go,
Curtain's finally closing...

That was quite a show,
Very entertaining...
But it's over now,
(but it's over now)
Go on and take a bow...

Oh, And the award for
The best liar goes to you!
(goes to you)
For making me believe,
That you could be faithful to me,
Let's hear your speech...

How about a round of applause?
A standing ovation?

But you put on quite a show,
Really had me going...
But now it's time to go,
Curtain's finally closing...

That was quite a show,
Very entertaining...
But it's over now,
(but it's over now)
Go on and take a bow...

But it's over now... ..."

Take a bow - I gave him love, All he gave me was pretense...

2010-01-18T06:53:00.004+08:00

"Ohhh, oooo...

The flowers are faded now,
Along with your letters,
They will never see the light of day.
Cause I'll never take them out...

And there's no turning back,
Its for the better.
Baby, I deserved more than empty words,
And promises.
I believed everything you said,
And I gave you the best I have...
Ohhh...

So take a bow.
Cause you've taken everything else...
You played the part,
And like a star you played it so well...
Take a bow,
Cause this scene is coming to an end,
I gave you love,
All you gave me was pretense...
So now,
Take a bow...

The future's about to change...
Before you know it,
The curtain closes...
Take a look around,
There's no one in the crowd...

I'm throwing away the pain,
And you should know that your performance,
It made me stronger now...

So take a bow.
Cause you've taken everything else...
You played the part,
And like a star you played it so well...
Take a bow,
Cause this scene is coming to an end,
I gave you love,
All you gave me was pretense...
So now,
Take a bow...

Well it must have been slight of hand,
Cause I still can't understand,
How I could never see,
Just what a fool believed...
Umm...

But the lies they start to show;
Tell me how it feels to know,
Right now that I wont be around?
So baby before I put you out...

So take a bow.
Cause you've taken everything else...
You played the part,
And like a star you played it so well...
Take a bow,
Cause this scene is coming to an end,
I gave you love,
All you gave me was pretense...
So now,
Take a bow...

So take a bow.
Cause you've taken everything else...
You played the part,
And like a star you played it so well...
Take a bow,
Cause this scene is coming to an end,
I gave you love,
All you gave me was pretense...
So now,
Take a bow... ..."

Take A Bow, When you get to the part, Where you're breaking my heart...

2010-01-15T00:02:00.003+08:00

"Take a bow, the night is over,
This masquerade is getting older.
Lights are low,
the curtains down;
There's no one here...
[There's no one here, there's no one in the crowd]

Say your lines,
but do you feel them?
Do you mean what you say, when there's no one around?
[no one around]
Watching you, watching me, one lonely star...

[One lonely star you don't know who you are]

I've always been in love with you...
[always with you]
I guess you've always known it's true...
[you know it's true]
You took my love for granted, why oh why?
The show is over, say good-bye...

Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye...

Make them laugh, it comes so easy...
When you get to the part,
Where you're breaking my heart...
[breaking my heart]
Hide behind your smile,
All the world loves a clown...
[Just make 'em smile the whole world loves a clown]

Wish you well,
I cannot stay...
You deserve an award for the role that you played...
[role that you played]

No more masquerade,
you're one lonely star...
[One lonely star and you don't know who you are]

I've always been in love with you...
[always with you]
I guess you've always known it's true...
[you know it's true]
You took my love for granted, why oh why?
The show is over, say good-bye...

Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye...

All the world is a stage,
[world is a stage]
And everyone has their part...
[has their part]
But how was I to know which way the story'd go?
How was I to know you'd break...
[You'd break, you'd break, you'd break]
You'd break my heart...?

I've always been in love with you,
[I've always been in love with you]
Guess you've always known...
You took my love for granted, why oh why?
The show is over, say good-bye...

Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye...
Say good-bye... ..."

The End marks A New Beginning...

2010-01-10T23:33:00.003+08:00

"What we call the beginning is often the end.
And to make an end is to make a beginning.
The end is where we start from."
T.S. Eliot said.

The relationship has ended, for reasons I do not wish to elaborate on via my blog, for friends whom truly matter are aware of the on-goings...

The hurt, the "tests" / lies and most I had experienced were excruciatingly painful, and extremely traumatic to deal with...

There are nights where I lie awake thinking about the reasons why I was being put to the test countless of times, being doubted upon...

It dawned upon me that without trust, nothing can ever work out...

I gave my all.
I loved Him more than I did of my previous boyfriends;
Yet to be at the receiving end of such mistrust was just too much for me to swallow...

I really had thought that he was THE ONE after going through so much bitter and painful experiences in the past...

Yet, perhaps this is Life's way of teaching me an extremely bitter lesson... ...

I thank all whom have been concerned, and whom have been giving me encouragement and calling me to make sure I am okay! :)
I truly appreciate it! :D

Happy belated 2010 to one and all!

Hope the fortnight of festivities has been filled with smiles and plenty of Love!

=)

SORRY! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!

2009-12-12T04:23:00.003+08:00

"Me, I'm scared of everything, I'm scared of who I am, what I saw, what I did, but most of all I am scared of walking out of this room and never feeling for the rest of my life, the way I feel when I'm with you."

To Baby GlueGun :

I'm sorry for all the hurt caused upon you. I am sorry for keeping you waiting, for lying to you, and for shutting off my phone.

I know saying sorry won't erase the pain I've had inflicted upon you, for they were the very 3 most hateful things in your Life.

As you lay asleep on the other line, I just want to tell you from the bottom of my heart:

You said I have to bear the consequences of my own actions for treating you this way, for abusing the trust you had in me; and for disrespecting you.

Im not an angel, neither am I perfect, I wished I was though -- I wished I had a magic wand to eradicate all the pain I've had inflicted upon you; to wave off all the unhappiness in your Life, and to make things between us right. I wished I could, but I cannot take back my words, the lies I've spoken to you, and take back the hurt I've caused.

I can only ask for your forgiveness, for another chance to make things work, and for us to give the relationship another chance.

You would always tell me I have plenty of niceties to say, and how I seem to always have the right words to say... And how whatever I say now won't repair the damage I've caused.

However, SORRY is the only thing I can say now, and despite how it can never remove the pain I've caused, I am truly remorseful and repentful...

Please forgive me, and give me, and give us another chance to make things right...

I ♥ you!

Hope Floats...

2009-12-10T15:44:00.002+08:00

Hope is all I can ask for...

May he be happier, despite the recent happenings...

May he not still be so worried...

Hope floats... ...

=)

I ♥ You, Baby GlueGun!

The Failure in Striving for Perfection...

2009-12-08T10:29:00.003+08:00

When one is in Love,
More often than not, we would want things to be perfect,
and strive for perfection...

But as always,
things more often than not, don't always seem to go as you have in mind,
or have planned...

I wanted to chase away his Blues,
I wanted to always be there cheering him on...
Likewise, I had wanted similiar feelings to be reciprocated...

But then, why are we doing what we are doing to each other now?

=(

I Love Him,
I've never ever been more sure than anything else...
But his nonchalance and him ignoring me, not replying to my emails nor sms-es is heartbreaking...

"There's a danger in loving somebody too much,
And its sad when you know, it's your heart you can't trust..."

I am extremely depressed and confused...

=(

"I don't wanna lose you,
I don't wanna use you,
just to have sombody by my side...
And I don't wanna hate you,
I don't wanna take you,
But I don't wanna be the one to cry...

That don't really matter to anyone, anymore,
But like a fool I keep losing my place,
And I keep seeing you walk through that door...

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
And its sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust...
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are,
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough...

Now I could never change you,
I don't wanna blame you...
Baby you don't have to take the fall.

Yes I may have hurt you,
But I did not desert you,
Maybe I just want to have it all...

It makes a sound like thunder,
It makes me feel like rain...
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change...

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
And its sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust,
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are...
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough...

And there's no way home...
when it's late at night and you're all alone...
Are there things that you wanted to say?
Do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you where I used to lay?

And there's a Danger in Loving somebody too much,
And it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch...
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are,
Cause baby sometimes love just ain't enough...
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough... ..."

2009-12-07T00:49:00.004+08:00

“Lovers and madmen have such seething brains, such shaping fantasies, that apprehend more than cool reason ever comprehends.”

~ William Shakespeare; A MidSummer Night's Dream.

Love is like chocolate,
Sometimes dark and bitter,
Sometimes sweet and nutty...
Yet,
It's always so sinfully good,
although being superbly fattening...

In another breathe,
Forrest Gump once taught the world how...

"Life is just like a box of chocolates,
You're never gonna know what you're gonna get..."

Many a times, we all are humans searching for Someone, I had given up the goal of the majority population of searching for a particular Someone;
Love, in particular, for I had truly given up wanting to spend time to make things work, for there weren't deserving guys around to make me want to make the effort...

Then like how Forrest Gump taught us in that box office smash hit, one would never know what you would be getting when you are totally not expecting anything...

Baby GlueGun came into my Life, totally unexpected, and I struggled deep within me for I never ever thought I was able to fall in Love with an individual that quickly...
When I knew him better, his past, his Life; I made decisions and choices after thinking things through... For his past made him who he is now, and I would still cherish and adore him as we walk hand-in-hand into the future...

Yet, the insecurities surrounding me has seemingly brought the happiness to an abrupt stop; made the cynicism in me take total control...

We have not come to a mutual ground with regards to issues;
For one, he thinks it is perfectly alright to meet chicks he knew online as friends...
Whereas I think otherwise of wanting to collect friends as though I was collecting stickers...

Without any hesitations, he said...

"If can't be Lovers, we can always remain as friends..."

I almost wanted to collaspe into a heap, retreat back into the little girl that I was that rainy night when I only had beers, painkillers and sleeping pills for company...

I have never ever felt the feelings I am feeling now in my previous relationships,
I do not know how to fight against the torrid of tears streaking down my cheeks...
I do not know how to comfort myself;
Words have seemingly come to a standstill...

I know it is unfair and extremely selfish of me to add onto his worries and burdens, which are of greater severity than mine;
But I am, afterall, "just a little girl, standing in front of a little boy, asking him to love her..." ...

I'm probably like his doggies, I crave for the attention and for the tenderness which he showers onto his dog, so much so that I sometimes admire the doggie;
He gets all the affection, yet when I feel insecure and have tears rolling down my eyes, it takes him eons to realise, and for him to offer words to soothe, and some concern...

Yet despite it all... ...

"For aught that I could ever read;
Could ever hear by tale or history;
The course of true love never did run smooth.

And yet, to say the truth,
Reason and love keep little company together nowadays."

~ William Shakespeare; A MidSummer Night's Dream.

I will press on, and never give up on him,
For the very reason for us to have found each other, getting to know each other and then be an item has been a rollercoaster ride;
We have done our fair shares of pushing the other party away;
We have cried and we have smiled and been through quite a tumultuous period of time, despite how short a time we've been officially together...
For despite his flaws, he makes me feel imperfectly special, and how the little things he does puts smiles on my face...

It takes 2 hands to clap, and I know, for sure, that we would work hand-in-hand, and iron out our differences and our opinions...

May we come to some form of consensus soon, in some way or another...

For Baby GlueGun ~

I'm sorry for being overtly insecure, for having a less trusting heart than the majority, and how I am deeply insecure about bits of your thought process...

I'm sorry for adding onto your woes when you already have a mountainful to deal with...

Please forgive me!

May you be optimistic and think positively about the issues that have been troubling you ~

We will conquer them all, hand-in-hand!

I Love You!

♥

Sighs (but it doesn't go away) the Irony of Doube Standards...

2009-12-06T17:01:00.004+08:00

I'd readily admit... ...

I am anal,
I choose my friends...
I don't add strangers onto my FaceBook List...
(Not even on Friendster / MySpace /WhoLivesNearYou, etc; prior to the craze of FaceBook...)

To see and know he has been adding friends whom he claims to know,
(SYTs, mind you!)
Yet u cannot be certain to trust your heart and his words...
What would anyone do?

(Many of whom are accquaintance's friend's friend, so it wouldn't have been such coincidence for him to know them, right?
What are the odds?
Better than striking lottery? )

When friends SMS or call,
I'd alway tell him who is on the line / who has sms-ed...

Yet, when I ask,
It's a nonchalant shrug,
A look of indifference...
Especially when previously he showed me the messages,
it was a colleague / friend of his whom told him...

"I like you."

If u were in my heels...
Would little tiny alarm bells go ringing in your head?
=(

He had / has trust issues,
Now its as though the coin has been flipped,
He said I need not tell him who has been texting / calling me to reassure him...!
(When previously he once said he is happy to know the little things I've done to reassure him...)

How heartbreaking to hear!
=(

I have intense strong feelings that tonight is going to be an extremely long and sleepless night ahead... ....

Sometimes, the right words don't even want to come and help me straighten things out...

Maybe after a few strong glasses of Brandy,
Maybe the tears might descend upon me...

Maybe just maybe...

This is a hurt which I have never experienced before,
I don't know how to deal with it...

Maybe the fragilities within my heart might choose to ignore the throbbing that I am feeling inside, where the heart is...

But for now, I'm robbed of words, I lay speechless, and crying / quietly tear-ing with the wind howling in the distance... ...

I don't want (and dunno how!) to talk about it... ...

[ And I am feeling helpless about it... ... :( ]

*SiGhs*

"I can tell by your eyes that youve probbly been cryin forever,
And the stars in the sky don't mean nothin to you, they're a mirror.
I don't want to talk about it, how you broke my heart.
If I stay here just a little bit longer,
If I stay here, wont you listen to my heart, whoa, heart?

If I stand all alone, will the shadow hide the color of my heart?
Blue for the tears, black for the nights fears.
The star in the sky don't mean nothin to you, they're a mirror.
I don't want to talk about it, how you broke my heart.

If I stay here just a little bit longer,
If I stay here, wont you listen to my heart, whoa, heart?
I don't want to talk about it, how you broke this ol' heart.

I don't want to talk about it, how you broke my heart.
If I stay here just a little bit longer,
If I stay here, wont you listen to my heart, whoa, heart?

If I stay here just a little bit longer,
If I stay here, wont you listen to my heart, whoa, heart?
My heart, whoa, heart... ..."

Is Bothered about the Unexplainables...

2009-12-02T13:28:00.003+08:00

I dislike it sometimes when over-paranoia takes over, or how I am thinking overtly much about issues, Life and of Him...

It's good that we're finally together, but we've still got heaps more of things to iron out and figure out and conqure along the Journey...

However, a little part of me feels like he's ubberly vexed about issues, and although he tells me in dribs and drabs, I get this feeling that he doesnt wanna overly worry me...

He said I naturally like to over-assume things, and it irked him terribly...
It irked me terribly to know that he thinks that I'm over-bearing, over-emotional, and love to assume sometimes...
=(
But isn't it human nature for a person to make assumptions about things when she / he has no clue what is going on?

I am naturally highly inquisitive, and I love seeking for the truth, I guess it was how I was brought up and circumstances thereafter made me wanna snoop / assume / think too much for it's my self-defense mechanism at work...
The more a person doesn't tell me stuff, the more I'd tend to assume that the person is hiding something from me; And thus far, it has proven me correct always...
=(

Things between us don't feel the same - the sparks and fire is still there, but I cannot pin-point the actualities to it -- I am fearful of being taken for granted, of being lied to, of just being used like a rag doll - When in a good mood, I get all the Love, and when the mood isn't that cheery, I'd get chucked into a corner...

I have feelings too... :(

I hate it immensely of him comparing me with a past I have no part in -- It might be a joke initially, but women are afterall, sensitive creatures, a joke that goes on too long might take on a totally different meaning altogether...
And if it was a meaningless joke, it wouldn't be continously harped on with a serious face... ...

I dislike it when how he'd be all happy and then suddenly telling me that I deserve someone else better, and someone whom is less complicated...

I choose my friends, I choose my Life, and I do love him and leaving him has never ever crossed my mind...
Although we've barely been together, to hear him say these sorta things have been extremely discomforting, and heart-wrenching really! =(

Maybe to him, I'm not at an age close to his, and how I handle and see things differently from him, that somethings he takes in all seriousness with, I take things with pinches of salt --
It's my character, I've been through a dark period in my Life to know that Life without their fair share of seasonings, would be a Life not lived to its fullest...

These insecurities are eating at me, in pieces and chunks, and try as I might, I cannot seem to shake off this feeling...

Suddenly remembers the sms which was sent...

"... ... I will take care of u n treasure u. To me, u r priceless... ..."

We are a Team ~
We promised each other to share, and talk things out...
Yet this aloof-ness is gnawing at me...

It might be work, but work's a major excuse for the nonchalance...

It might be the lack of sleep, but if it was me, I would still try my bestest to cheer the other party, to make sure things are fine...

It might be how he's bothered about the issues-on-hand, and although talking and sharing might not solve things, I can listen, better understand, than for me to second-guess and work around the bad moods, the lack of contact...
And then allow my insecurities and my assumptions to go into overdrive...

I will and shall always be affected by the other party's moods and temper...
I need to know so I at least know how to cheer the person up, or say words of encouragement... Or to just listen when need be, and to offer hugs in return...

Am I wrong to think in such a manner??
=(

Maybe just maybe... ...

I really dunno anymore... ...
=(

"Love would find a way;
Indifferences would merely find excuses..."

P.D.A. (We Just Don't Care)...

2009-12-01T17:19:00.005+08:00

This is something I am in great need of now...

Baby GlueGun, are u reading this?

P.D.A isn't Palm-sized Digital Assistant in this case!

I need TLC, and Public Displays of Affection!

:P

Gimme Gimme Gimme!

*bLeaHs*

"Let's go to the park,
I wanna kiss you underneath the stars...
Maybe we'll go too far,
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't care.

You know I love you when you're loving me,
Sometimes it's better when it's publicly... I'm not ashamed,
I don't care who sees...
Us hugging & kissing,
Our love exhibition all...

We'll rendezvous out on the fire escape,
I'd like to set off an alarm today...
The love emergency, don't make me wait,
Just follow, I'll lead you,
I urgently need you...

Let's go to the park,
I wanna kiss you underneath the stars,
Maybe we'll go too far,
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't.

Let's make love,
Let's go somewhere they might discover us...
Let's get lost in lust...
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't care.

I see you closing down the restaurant,
Let's sneak, and do it when your boss is gone...
Everybody's leaving, we'll have some fun...
Or maybe it's wrong, but you're turning me on.

Ooh, we'll take a visit to your Mama's house,
Creep to the bedroom, while your Mama's out...
Maybe she'll hear it when we scream and shout...
And we'll keep it rocking, until she comes knocking...

Let's go to the park,
I wanna kiss you underneath the stars...
Maybe we'll go too far...
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't...

Let's make love,
Let's go somewhere they might discover us...
Let's get lost in lust...
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't care.

If we keep up on this fooling around,
We'll be the talk of the town...
I'll tell the world I'm in love any time...
Let's open up the blinds, 'cause we really don't mind...

Ooh I don't care about the propriety,
Let's break the rules, and ignore society...
Maybe our neighbours like to spy, it's true...
So what if they watch when we do what we do...

Oh, let's go to the park,
I wanna kiss you underneath the stars...
Maybe we'll go too far...
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't...

Let's make love,
Let's go somewhere they might discover us...
Let's get lost in lust...
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't care... ..."

I ♥ You Baby!

:D

FireHouse - When I Look Into Your Eyes...

2009-11-27T22:46:00.003+08:00

For Baby GlueGun!

:D

I ♥ You!

"I see forever when I look in your eyes,
You're all I ever wanted.
I always want you to be mine...
Let's make a promise till the end of time
We'll always be together, and out love will never die...

So here we are face to face, and heart to heart,
I want you to know we will never be apart...
Now I believe that wishes can come true,
'Cause I see my whole world;
I see only you...

When I look into your eyes,
I can see how much I love you...
And it makes me realize,
When I look into your eyes...
I see all my dreams come true,
When I look into your eyes...

I've looked for you all of my life,
Now that I've found you,
We will never say goodbye...
I can't stop this feeling,
There's nothing I can do,
'Cause I see everything,
When I look at you...

When I look into your eyes,
I can see how much I love you...
And it makes me realize,
When I look into your eyes...
I see all my dreams come true,
When I look into your eyes...

Ohhhh

When I look into your eyes,
I can see how much I love you,
And it makes me realize...
When I look into your eyes,
We will always be together,
And our love will never die...
When I look into your eyes...

I see all my dreams come true,
When I look into your eyes...
When I look into your eyes... ..."

To Forgive and Forget...

2009-11-27T02:19:00.004+08:00

“Little, vicious minds abound with anger and revenge, and are incapable of feeling the pleasure of forgiving their enemies.”

~ Lord Chesterfield.

It's amazing how when a relationship ends for reasons unknown until much later on, the messiness of having to settle outstanding issues, be it monetary, or personal; is always tough and an emotional turmoil...

It would be cool to just clear things up and out like they were bits of trash, like how we would not second-think when dumping some used tissue papers.
However, the heart is made of complexities that no one can ever fanthom...

I used to have trouble burning bridges when push came to shove, but the first time I ever did that and established a better, newer and good-er person when I dumped the Cheater of an ex; He wanted a break-up, but he didn't wanna be the bad guy, and began to treat me like crap, like yelling on top of his lungs into my phone, telling me I have 10 freaking minutes to book 2 tickets for a movie, in the exact row and seat number which he wanted else he would not meet me and I wouldn't need to go "home" later in the night...

(Home was his place, not a place of warmth and love, I had always felt like a trapped prisoner within those 4 walls, where his Mum was like the #1-ranked security guard, keeping tabs on me even when I went to the kitchen for a drink... *Sigh* )

Then on, I knew how to draw my lines clean, as sharp as my wit could ever muster...
I've made it a point to not remain in contact with any previous boyfriends, and made sure I stuck to that promise, for I don't want them to come hounding me at random moments in my Life, wanting revenge, a listening ear, some sympathy when they got dumped subsequently... I didn't need to know how he was doing, how Life was treating him after how badly they have treated me - The betrayals, the Lies, the assumptions of taking me for granted...
I didn't need those emotional bagges upon me when things ended...
So I've always never replied their random phone calls, their nonsensical sms-es and how I made sure they were blocked out of my Life in the virtual world...
I burned my bridges clean, walked on, and never looked back... ....
Thus far, it has worked out fine! :P

However...

The ♥'s former flame and him had issues which they had left unresolved and kept hanging, for it was afterall, a relationship of half a decade, which I am sure they have been through the highs and the lows together...

It wasn't The ♥ whom gave things up ~ She did.
She decided to turn her back on him when she cheated, and left him alone.

And like how Hell hath no fury than a women scorned, she now is so vengeful that she doesn't want The ♥ to find Happiness...

Monetary disputes aside, she has gone so viscious to not grant our wish of moving on with our Lives and to transfer a property's ownership to us.
For knowing a woman scorned, if what can't be her's, no one else can have it...

Trip to the Lawyer's seemed bleak, but I knew I had to be strong for Baby, and for us... =)

In the goodness of my heart, I am hoping that she would reconcile her thoughts after the fury dies down and to think rationally and give us her well-wishes...
Like how I am ready to give her my most sincere wishes for her Future as well...

Afterall, one must always have Faith and Hope! :D

I might not know you, but our Lives have been intertwined by a Man whom you used to adore, and whom I now Love, cherish and wanna build a future and a Lifetime with ~

You were the one whom took him for granted, and he patiently stuck it out with you throughout the half decade...
You were the one whom embarked on another relationship with another person and left him in the dark, until he had to find things out the hard way...

You were the one whom let him down, yet you turned around, and made his Life difficult... And now, you do not mind losing money that could buy you a house with your future partner, and move on with your Lives just for a shallow moral victory!

How could anyone be so vicious to someone whom she proclaimed to have loved and cherish?

Why must you be so cruel to not allow anyone to move on with our Lives?

What good would it be to you to see us being upset by your viciousness?

Haven't you ever heard of Karma, and what goes around would eventually turn one full circle and return to haunt?

To sow a seed of hatred, and then letting it grow into a seedling, and then a tree?

I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe;
I told it not, my wrath did grow.

And I water'd it in fears,
Night & morning with my tears;
And I sunned it with my smiles
And with soft deceitful wiles.

And it grew both day and night,
Till it bore an apple bright;
And my foe beheld it shine,
And he knew that it was mine,

And into my garden stole
When the night had veil'd the pole:
In the morning glad I see
My foe outstretch'd beneath the tree.

~ William Blake; Songs of Experience - The Poison Tree.

I hope she will find it in her heart soon to allow her seed of hatred to cease, and to graciously accept what has been offered legally, and to allow all of us to move on with our Lives...

Looking at how defeated and jaded Baby was earlier was extremely heart-breaking to see... :(
I have never ever seen him so doubtful, so defeated... :(
If I could take away his pain, I would in an instant...

Yet, I, unlike the Charmed Sisters, do not have the power to Heal... :(

I only have a heart that's true, and a pair of listening ears, words of comfort; and hands that would hold him tightly through all of Life's obstacles...

I will be strong for You & for US, Both!
Don't give up!
Gambaette Baby! ♥

Nobody trips over mountains.
It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble.
Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain.

~Author Unknown

When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."

~Author Unknown

♥

The Gift of ♥ !

2009-11-26T01:04:00.009+08:00

I haven't seen my DeaRest GlueGun for 5 days and it feels like eternity! :(

I have been mugging for the dreaded exams, while nursing a dry cough, swollen eyes and a fever (!!!) and we were looking forward to meeting up after my Exams this coming weekend, which he said he didn't know how he was going to survive until then via sms...
( He is such a SweetHeart, isn't he? :D )

I suggested meeting him for dinner after my Resource Planning paper and he said "Yes!" without any hesitation! =)

So we counted down the days with phone calls, emails, sms-es, conversations via MSN, and I was eagerly anticipating meeting him earlier today!

Even a classmate of mine commented on how I look different and seems so much happier recently!
(Yes, they are all on my FaceBook, and how they've noticed I've had a relationship status change...
TeeHee... :D )

And me being me, couldn't locate the taxi stand along Tiong Bahru Plaza; (Its been eons since I was last there lar!), and I wonder how he endures my kookiness at my lack of directions, like 3/4s of the time! :P

So then I hopped onto his car and he surprised me with...

THIS!

“Love is a gift. You can't buy it, you can't find it, someone has to give it to you. Learn to be receptive of that gift.”

~ Kurt Langner

The 2 outlets, for those whom are curious to try out their yummilicious cakes and pastries! :D

I dunno-what-are-they-called-swiss-rolls-thingy-that-tastes-really-GOOD!

Pretty in its sturdy box too! :D

♥

Tahh-DaHh!! Has tinge of Raspberry, cream and icing sugar = YUMMY~ :D

♥

"A wise lover values not so much the gift of the lover as the love of the giver."
~Thomas á Kempis

Thank You Baby! :D

♥

He brought me to a famous place for Bak Kut Teh (Boiled Pork Ribs Soup) along Balestier for dinner, and the place was plastered with reviews and pictures with celebrities...
It was decent soup, but I cannot wait for the ones in K.L. which Baby has promised to bring me to try when we head up to KL over the Christmas break!
:D

And then we chatted over nothing-ness at the foot of my block before I went home...
( Well, he chased me home really... :P )
=D

It has always been the little insignificant things which matter greatly to me, be it a phone call while I am sick, e-mails about everything and nothing-ness, encouragement sms-es encouraging me to study, giving me the Luck for the exams, calls to chit-chat with me and to tease me mercilessly and how just hearing his voice makes my day!

It warms my heart to know he cares, and it puts smiles on my face to know that he loves me to bits like how I ♥ him! :D

I cannot wait for the exams to be over and to spend more Quality Time with him! Am anticipating and looking forward eagerly to our White Christmas trip up to K.L over the Christmas season! :)

GlueGun,

Thank You for the yummy cakes!

It was an awfully sweet and totally unexpected surprise from you after a seemingly bad and long week!

:D

And if you are reading this... ...

I want NOBODY else BUT YOU! :D

I ♥ You!

*KisSeS*

"You Know I still Love You, Baby.
And it will never change. (Saranghae)
I want nobody nobody, But You,
I want nobody nobody, But You...
How can I be with another,
I don't want any other...
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody...

Why are you trying to, to make me leave ya?
I know what you're thinking,
Baby why aren't you listening?

How can I just,
Just love someone else and
Forget you completely?
When I know you still love me...

Telling me you're not good enough...
My life with you is just too tough...
You know it's not right so,
Just stop and come back boy...
How can this be,
When we were meant to be?

I want nobody nobody, But You,
I want nobody nobody, But You...
How can I be with another, I don't want any other...
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody...

I want nobody nobody But You,
I want nobody nobody, But You...
How can I be with another,
I don't want any other...
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody...

Why can't we just, just be like this?
Cause it's you that I need and nothing else until the end...
Who else can ever make me feel the way I,
I feel when I'm with you, no one will ever do...

Telling me you're not good enough...
My life with you is just too tough,
You know me enough so,
You know what I need boy...
Right next to you is where I need to be...

I want nobody nobody But You,
I want nobody nobody, But You...
How can I be with another,
I don't want any other...
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody...

I want nobody nobody But You,
I want nobody nobody, But You...
How can I be with another,
I don't want any other...
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody...

I don't want no body, body...
I don't want no body, body...

Honey you know it's you that I want,
It's you that I need,
Why can't you see?

I want nobody nobody, But You,
I want nobody nobody, But You
How can I be with another,
I don't want any other...
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody...

I want nobody nobody, But You,
I want nobody nobody, But You,
How can I be with another,
I don't want any other...
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody...

Back to the days when we were so young and wild and free,
Nothing else matters other than you and me...
So tell me why can't it be,
Please let me live my life my way...
Why do you push me away?
I don't want nobody nobody nobody nobody but you!"

Fever-ed and LoveSick!

2009-11-24T01:28:00.005+08:00

Woke up this morning with a scene from those Alien movies, my eyes couldn't open, the throat was burning, and I was feel scalding hot when it was raining outside...

I guess the body's too "heaty" internally, that my eyes have been oozing pus (doesnt seem like sore eyes though! I've gotten sore eyes before! :( ), and throat hurts even when i try to swallow water...
And running a fever whilst sitting for an exam doesn't help things... =(

Baby GlueGun's SMS-es and phone calls after my paper were honestly, the best thing ever for the entire day! How it was really great to hear his voice, him joking with me to cheer me up, and how he was laughing out loudly while driving out for dinner with his family -- It made my heart skipped a couple of beats ~ Knowing that someone you ♥ whom was being cheered up by your random ramblings just simply beats any painkiller, any cough syrup there is out there! :D

He was sms-ing me throughout his 9-course dinnner at some posh-nosh hotel in the heart of town, and although they were merely words of a few hundred characters, they really put a smile on my face, especially when I was teasing him about him already being on Captain Pirate's (The Mandarin saying of 上了贼船, whereby it means an individual whom was being conned into getting up a pirate's ship...) ship, and the only way for him to escape was to walk down an 18cm wide, 10 foot long beam with sharks and piranhas below! :P

( *Laughs* I know, we share superbly hilariously lame jokes!
But forgive us! We are in ♥! :P )

I am looking forward to our short getaway trip to K.L. for the Christmas season! :D
Quality Time over wine while looking over K.L. is sounds uberly wonderful, doesn't it? :)
(Not to forget the yummy cheap food, and the S-H-O-E-S!! *sMiLes*)

It's so gonna be a White Christmas cos I've got surprises planned up my sleeves! Some of it he has an inkling of, others he has no total clue of! :P
( He reads my blog, so I cannot share the intended surprises! :P
I hope they dont fall flat on me though!)

Had anyone told me 2 months ago that I would be celebrating this Christmas overseas, happy, and loved than being a Happy Bridget Jones, than in Boiler Room, I would probably have used my heels and hit the daylights out of that person, followed by a "You must be joking!".

Had anyone told me 2 months ago that I would meet someone in the most unexpected place, go on dates with him and fall in love and get together in a matter a weeks, I would have seriously taken anything that I could get my hands on and to smack the person, and to warn that person to mind what he/she says!
( Well, and a kick in the balls, if the person happens to be a guy! LOL~ )

Love indeed comes, when you least expected it! :D

I Love You, Baby GlueGun! :D
♥

May we spend days, nights and our Lifetime together, hand-in-hand down this Journey of Love! :)
Remember what I told you earlier today - We are a Team, and SuperGlue can't do without her GlueGun! :D

Thank You for loving me and for never giving up on Us! :)

"Still we both know that the road is long,
We know that we will be together because our love is strong..."

"I guess the time was right for us to say,
We'd take our time and live our lives together day by day...
We'll make a wish and send it on a prayer...
We know our dreams can all come true with love that we can share...

With you I never wonder - will you be there for me?
With you I never wonder - you're the right one for me...

I finally found the love of a lifetime...
A love to last my whole life through...
I finally found the love of a lifetime...
Forever in my heart, I finally found the love of a lifetime...

With every kiss, our love is like brand-new,
And every star lit up in the sky was made for me and you...
Still we both know that the road is long,
(But) We know that we will be together because our love is strong...

I finally found the love of a lifetime...
A love to last my whole life through...
I finally found the love of a lifetime...
Forever in my heart, I finally found the love of a lifetime...

I finally found the love of a lifetime...
A love to last my whole life through...
I finally found the love of a lifetime...
Forever in my heart, I finally found the love of a lifetime..."

From the Heart of this LiL' Girl's...

2009-11-21T22:08:00.003+08:00

Many a times, we've all been hurt on the Journey of Love, sometimes we get our hearts dented, sometimes we get our hearts slightly chipped in the corners, yet sometime, our hearts get completely shattered until we decide we can never become whole again, and how we close ourselves up to Love and its opportunities...

I once had my heart completely shattered, for the ASSHOLE in question was constantly up to no good, misbehaving and abusing the trust I had in him by sleeping around, ONS, Flings, u name it, he's done it... Married women, SYT (Sweet Young Things), old women whom were old enough to be his mum, women at brothels, women at sleazy karaoke joints -- You name it, he's done it...

I gave up a degree, gave up the opportunity of a lifetime to travel and see the world, whilst getting paid to serving coffee, tea and hot towels (LOL~), gave up my friends, and was so-close to losing my own family, my sanity and my Life...

For close to 3 years, I put up with his overbearing ways, his nonsensical rants, and how he came begging, crying on his knees for forgiveness, telling me he would change... I forgave him each and every time, for in the heart of mine back then, I hoped deep down he had meant what he has said, but each time, he broke my heart, even more... He did change, but for the worse; Until one day I realised that Leopards never ever would change their spots, not even with the Power of Love!

I then went on a self-destructive train wreck, where I got into a rebound relationship, where I had no feelings for the guy, Brother calls it a "For the Love of Money" relationship, for his family was well-to-do, and he tried so hard in wooing and impressing, so I thought of giving him a chance since my heart was already completely broken and too numbed to feel anything... If he could mend my heart, it would be cool... If he couldn't, at least he won't lie to me; or so I thought...

He lied to me about everything - his job, right down to telling me and BFF how he was in London when he was actually asleep in his highest peak called Bukit Timah (It's flooding now, good riddance!)...
He had forgotten that I am a soccer fan, and I knew the time zones at the back of my hand; plus, I had an extremely wonderful friend in UK, whom confirmed the bullshites he was telling us as "pure bollocks" ...

Talk about Karma indeed! I was treated badly and then in turn, I turned around treating another individual like crap cos I thought I had deserved it after being treated so badly; Only for the person in question to stab me back!
A very bitter lesson learnt!
*Cynic Laughs*

Then after completely healing from the 3 years of horror and then lies thereafter, I met a guy whom defied all logic of what I was looking for in a guy, and then realised after constantly trying that he was far too different, character-wise and mentality, for me to be around and support him through Life...

It just wasn't cool to get drunk every week and then challenging strangers for a fight (He thought he was a knight of the Medieval ages probably! LOL~)... And then asking for money to fund his drinking and smoking habits, for he had loaned all of his savings for a friend whom owed the loanshark's... His friends were his #1 priority and never could I replace that poistion in his heart... I then realised I had fallen into the trap of being someone I would have loathe thoroughly... What a fool I had been!

I was unhappy, miserable, FAT, and in a relationship where I couldn't Love the other party no more for I had been taken for granted... I picked up social smoking out of anger and out of wanting some attention from him, which backfired, cos he didnt't even bothered... And I, whom never ever liked the habit of smoking, had became a slave to the addiction - I had loathed myself, and loathed what I was doing to myself, all in the name of, supposedly, Love...

To think that I even gave up wearing heels, my #1 obsession just for an individual whom wasn't worth it!
(He is vertically-challenged, ie, SHORT, and friends whom know me know how I ♥ my heels and once infamously proclaimed I would never ever sacrifice my heels over a man - The irony of Life! :P )

So then I decided that for the past 5 years, I've had my heart shattered, dented, chipped, broken and had so many missing pieces that I decided to close, lock and bolt the door of Love, for I never ever wanted to be hurt, and I wanted to be strong, not just for myself, but for my family and friends whom geninuely cared and ♥ me...

♥, afterall, to a very jaded being was a fleeting feeling which could have never befall on me, and as long as I had ♥ from family and friends, I would be just as happy as well...

For the past year odd, I have been living and having the time of my Life, juggling a shitty job with studying for a degree at night, meeting up with friends, shopping, eating as much sashimi as I can, successfully quitted the bad habit of being a social smoker and just live Life like the way I had meant for it to be - A huge Party where there were smiles and no frowns... :D

I partied every weekend (what is there for a singleton to do over the weekends anyways?), for I didn't want to mop around at home, and feel sorry for myself... =)
After what I have been through, and having been given a 2nd shot in Life, Life ought to be cheery and in PINK! :P

I bought more shoes than I ever possible have had (Mostly 3-4 inches high! Haha! :P ), and have cheered up more people than I ever had in the past 6 years, loving what I was learning in school, minus lousy lecturers, and just loving Life, its ups and downs!

I have made friendships over the past year, many whom I hope will last, and lost some friendships, especially one whom I had really treasured which lasted for 8.5 years; whom just disappeared like David Blaine's illusions once she was healed from a bad patch in Life... But hey, Life went on and I was still the happy, chirpy me...

=)

Perhaps Fate and Karma has its funny ways of sneaking up on you, like how perhaps I have had cheered so many people up with my limitless energy and goofiness that Someone decided to be nice to me for a change...

He was someone whom I was made the obligatory introductions to, I merely said "Hi" and smiled; and went back to my own friends.

I didn't know how he, in his somewhat-intoxicated state, was rather somehow intrigued, (or maybe its the beers? :P ) and how he noticed what I was doing throughout the night...
It led to him searching for me via FaceBook, adding me as a friend, chatting and later, text-ing and e-mailing each other like he has been someone I've known for decades...

A supper date and a movie date later, I felt a spark which I have never ever felt so intense before in my Life ever began to burn, and it took me by total and complete surprise, for I had always thought it was never ever possible to have such intense feelings for another person in just a matter of days...

I then tried to resist the feelings I was feeling, for I didn't and couldn't allow my heart to be broken once more... We've also had our fair share of insecurities and bad experiences previously to make us feel extremely vunerable and insecure...
How the age gap between us was an issue to him, how his past was something he was trying to overcome, and how I had the task of juggling so much things on my plate, that we both wondered if what we had gotten ourselves into was worth what was at the end of the road?

"Meeting you was Fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in Love with you was beyond my control." (Unknown)

It seems as though for once, my prayers as a child, were finally answered; For despite all our flaws and imperfections, he makes me laugh in ways I have never thought possible, he listens without judging and endures with my random ramblings and kookiness about the world, and about Life in general...

He has sacrificed his sleep and resting hours to send me home safely (SG isn't that huge but it takes awhile to travel from the North to the East ya know? :P ) and talk to me on the phone or online, has made the effort to get to know my friends, to go window shopping with me walking around, for walking to the beach near my house when he could have drove there (HaHa!), to know me and my Life better; and for that, I am ever so grateful... :)

The Future, is an open book, where we are unsure of what might happen and what is in store for US both... But as we embark on this journey of Life together, I hope we'd be able to fill up our remaining chapters we have together with wonderful memories which we would be able to reminisce and have a good laugh about when we grow old (Especially the bits about how we got together pretty unromantically... *Rolls Eyes* ) together...

Hopefully, he is the GlueGun whom I have been waiting for, someone whom heals my heart from all the previous heartaches I've ever experienced, someone who would be able to glue the pieces together, to make me whole, make me complete, and make me feel Loved in ways never imagined possible... =)

"You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly."
~ Sam Keen

To my Dearest GlueGun ,

Thank You for putting up with my overbearing nonsensicals, for never judging me when I go off-tangent and become very random, for wiping my tears when I cry (cos u bullied me! :P ), for holding my hand as you drive... For taking time out and for making the effort to chill-out with my friends...

For the little insignificant things you have done to touch my heart, for making me smile and laugh in ways never imagined before; and for loving me as I am, for accepting my past, my flaws & imperfections, and for loving the way you love me... ♥

"True love begins when nothing is looked for in return."
~ Antoine De Saint-Exupery

Although you've constantly been telling me that you require nothing for as long as I'm happy you'd be happy... I would try my very best to shower you with the ♥ that you thoroughly deserve, to help you heal from your unhappy past, to walk with you through Life, to ♥ you, your flaws and your mad driving skills (!!!), to take care of you, shower you with care, concern, affection, and TONS of nagging to quit smoking ( I mean it! LaLaLa~ )... :P

But most of all, I ♥ you, for who and what you were, who and what you are now, and what and who you'd become in the future! =)

May we conquer and walk through all obstacles along the way hand-in-hand, GlueGun! :D

Je t'aime Baby! =)

♥

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides.
And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is.

Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.

Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."

~ Captain Corelli's Mandolin. "Love is the beauty of the soul."
~ St. Augustine.

♥

The Status Update...

2009-11-05T02:47:00.002+08:00

It's been a year odd since the last time that particular portion of my Profile details have been left untouched...

Yet a while ago, it has been updated to a "Its Complicated" relationship status... Although to most people it would mean the end of a beginning, both parties involved have a great feeling that this tough and rough start would blossom into something intensely magical... =)

Yes, for the uninitiated, the tiny little spark had became a huge bonfire, engulfing most of the fears and obstacles along the way - He has made me smile, in more ways than anyone has ever ever succeeded in doing, and yet in the same moment, he makes me feel so much warmth and Love than I have ever experienced that I keep asking myself whether someone up there had finally listened to my prayers that I had thought were once-forgotten... So much so that I keep telling myself to rein in the magical sparks, and to have a better grip on the whole situation...

I fear for the unknown, for I had made promises to parents and myself to get over 2010 without having to worry them by getting attached as to them, their lil' girl should fully focus on getting that degree before anything else... But when Love comes full speed crashing like huge waves, a wave after another, how would it be remotely possible to push that Love away and to get on with Life lamenting that what was once around had escaped so unfortunately from one's grips?

I never knew what real Happiness and contentment was until meeting him, getting to know him better, listening to his comforting voice, and having long conversations about the daily mundanes and absolute notingness... Being in his presence on long drives home, and being surrounded by laughter that I need not fake or pretend about...
Finally I could take a break from cheering people up and allow myself the luxury of being teased mercilessly into being all happy and cheered up, yet at the same time, reciprocating the favour by cheering him up in the very next moment... =)

A feeling which I had never ever experienced in my previous failed relationship has been creeping up onto me - Open honesty and communication... I am finally able to communicate on a level which I feel that my views are listened and respected, and how I can finally be completely honest about my past, the present and the future... Its really indescribeable as to the "wow-ness" and how the butterflies in my stomach feeling has taken this Happy lil' Pink Piglet to an extremely delightful place, where I finally can flash that dimply smile of mine across the table, or just next to me, knowing that the feelings felt are mutual and reciprocated.... =)

What is impeding us from taking our relationship to the next step are due to inner issues which we both have, which I would not really wanna share, except that I have trust issues which needs resolving, and as well as finding the opportunity to tell the Parents that their lil' girl is in Love and how it feels awsomefully right this time around... And for them to trust me and Him into working things right...

I am still getting to know him better but my Heart has been taken, truly, madly and deeply... ...

"Romance and all its strategy, Leaves me battling with my pride...
But through the insecurity, Some tenderness survives...
I'm just another writer, Still trapped within my truth;
A hesitant prize fighter, Still trapped within my youth...

I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides..."

~ "Sometimes When We Touch" by Dan Hill.

A Tiny Little Spark...

2009-10-30T05:00:00.004+08:00

Everyone who knows me ought to know by now that I am an extreme fanatic of the reality game show, Survivor (The other fave being The Amazing Race); and how I am truly hooked cos of the superbly evil contestant in the FoaFoa tribe called Russell...
He is so devious, scheming and have been showing how Survivor ought to be played out... But maybe, its just clever editing... LOL~

I was suddenly reminded by how creating a fire and keeping the flame would be their most important task of their 39 days within the huge deserted islands that the contestants get marooned on... Cos fire gives them warmth, cooks whatever food they have to fill their stomaches, and in Tribal Councils, Fire represents their Life within the game, so if their flame is snuffed out, it would mean that they have been voted out from their respective tribes and out of the game...

On TV, it looks easy to get a fire going out there in a deserted jungle in the middle of nowhere... But it's tough to do so through rubbing stones or sticks together to create some sort of friction, and then a spark, before a tiny flame that they would have to keep it from being snuffed out... So usually during the first day or second day, they compete in a challenge to win flint to make easier fires...

Using a flint, creating sparks for a fire would be easier, and then getting and keeping the flame would be an easier task for the contestants...

It suddenly made me think of how relationships, is somewhat like the entire fire creation we've seen on Survivor or on any camping sites...

It takes a flint, be it chemistry, something unknown & indescribable, or even something we all have come to know as one of the 7 deadly sins; Lust, to get 2 individuals being attracted to each other... A flint would create a spark and then another, before the sparks catches onto some dried leaves or branches and then a fire starts burning...

It is up to the individual whom is starting the fire to keep the flame from being blown out... The individual may try to get more sparks, or try to keep the little spark burning by adding more dried leaves or branches...
Just like a relationship, it is up to the 2 individuals involved to keep the fire in the relationship going... There might be challenges along the way, in the form of strong winds, a spark being too weak to be sustained to keep the fire from going on strong..., or distractions through another individual whom tries to create a bigger fire but ends up snuffing out the initial tiny flame...
Or the individual him / herself might snuff out the flame by being too anxious to create a fire through the tiny spark and added far too much dried leaves or branches which destroys the tiny flame... ...

Many relationships disintegrate due to various of reasons, some not known to the people involved until the fire fizzles out - It might boil down to differing personalities, having grown apart after being together for too long a period of time, the lack of communication, the lack of honesty and trust, feelings changing, the list goes on...

I have been reflecting on why and how my relationships were always never happy endings, and I guess that it was there was never open forms of communications and understanding of the other party well before commitment was established...
Like how once there was a spark or two from the flint, it is always human nature to want to keep the spark burning to get a fire out of that spark... But sometimes, the sparks might not be what they seem to be, sometimes a tiny spark might just fizzle out, just because the individual whom started the fire might not have used adequate amounts of dried leaves or branches to keep the spark from being strong enough...

I truly believe that with the ending of each relationship, people would learn more about themselves, and know what they are really looking for in a relationship...

Like how from each unsuccessful try to create a fire using the flint and dried leaves and branches, people might develop a method to get the sparks started... Lessons are learnt, and some people might choose to ignore the hurt they have once experienced to fully embrace Love once more when it knocks on their doors, while some might choose to totally give up and not pursue happiness...
While some, like me, might choose to sit on the fence and await what would happen...

I was once extremely hurt from the initial failed relationship, where I actually went on a rebound relationship, just to find that special spark which I had never experienced with the Serial Cheater... I had wanted so badly to feel truly appreciated and Love than just being taken for granted, but we know how all, well most, rebound relationships would end, it ended painfully, with me becoming more bitter and jaded in the pursuit of happy-ness...

And just when I least expected it, someone came along and created a spark that was huge enough for me to regain my confidence in Love, which I decided to give Love another shot, cos most people do say the third time is a lucky try...

The flame / relationship, sadly, in my case, fizzled out as we were two extremely different indivviduals trying to work things out to be together as one...

However, through compromising, one side would have to make more sacrifices, and ultimately the sacrificings and compromisings became the root cause of my unhappy-ness as I was no longer whom I was, and how I could no longer enjoy the things I've enjoyed doing, and how I missed the former self... It then became something like an evil root which grew and bore evil fruit, where the former significant things which made me happy became insignificant, and soon enough, like how many have expected, the flame / relationship fizzled out...

I became extremely jaded and cynical, for I myself know that I have tried my best, but perhaps, my best wasn't what the other party was expecting, and like how it is intrinsic in human beings to want much much more (Another one of thte 7 deadly sins, Greed...), I kept giving until I could no longer offer the other party anything else...

I shut and bolted the door towards looking for true Happy-ness and decided to surround myself with positivity through other forms of Love - Love from my dearest friends, Love from my family, and my Love which was slowly but surely developed for my quest for knowledge, aka, that highly expensive silly piece of "toilet paper" called the Degree... :P

After a year odd of being able to learn more about myself and Loving myself more than anything else, I was and still am at a Happy place ~ friends whom truly love me for whom I am and what I have become are still there; Some fair-weathered friends whom have left cos of bad weathers like rain and thunderstorms have left for their own reasons which I don't wish to know nor investigate...
Family is still there enouraging me, although the recent new addition in the form of the Brrother's girlfriend isn't all that rosy as I honestly have a not-so-good vibe about her...

I have even found strength through my failed relationships to encourage others, to make them happier, which I am happy about! :)

A couple of friends have recently commented that with me being such an awesomely cheerful girl with numerous positive traits, it is impossible that I am single...

But the fact of it is that I am single, somewhat by choice and also due to Fate (Haha! Cos I seriously have no one interested! :P ), and simply because I had promised my parents that I would rein in on my Life and concentrate on graduating, cos they know and have seen how relationships have affected my studies, in one way or another...

I didnt want to waste my time on not getting THE degree which has been extremely belated, and how the men that I know in my Life are all happily attached and settled, and how I wasn't receptive to the various matchmaking sessions and to making new friends which I dont know on a personal level, which are reasons why I have been single for the past year odd or so...

I admit that there have been a couple of people whom were interested, whom I wasn't sure of committing anything concrete to, for I was pretty sure that they would not know how to handle the emotional and fragile heart of mine, one which has much glue stuck in many places which hold scars of the wounds once inflicted by the former Loves, and how some tiny pieces have gone missing, never to be found again...

So, I allowed myself to let them down gently, allowing them to pursue the happiness they were looking for, which I could not reciprocate in return...

In the past couple of months, a little buzz has been ringing in my heart off-and-on, where tiny pieces of me wanna enjoy the feelings that i had once had, however fleeting those moments may be, yet I fear hurting myself all over again, worrying people around me and crying myself silly over a person whom wasn't worth it...

I honestly admit that there has been a very recent spark that has been ignited, but I am unsure and uncertain of what this spark is really made of, and whether this spark would become a stronger spark in time to come, or to be let down and have the feelings of disappointment be doused upon the tiny spark and not allowing any flames to be created...

Because of my complicated and unahppy past, I am fearful of what is ahead, partly because it seems like ages since I last felt a spark, that i had almost forgot what being delirious had felt like...
I dont wanna hype things up and to expect anything, for I dont wanna be confronted with the huge disappointment if the spark turned out to be nothing more than a tiny spark that could not evolve into becoming a fire...

To that one tiny spark ~

I am sorry that I don't have and am unable to provide you with the answers that you would like to hear of at this very moment...
I know how anxious you are cos you are also fearful of the unknown, of whether this spark that I have would be put out within a moment or whether it'd become a bigger spark...

If only I was like Google.com, having all the answers to every single thing which would merely make things easier... But with such subjective matters, answers would not be as easily found...

So I am asking you for time, for patience to get to know whether this spark would last for more than just tonight, and for me to discover facets about you as an individual...

I had been like you previously, being overly impatient which led to the many heartaches and disappointments which I have been through, so I am forcing myself to have a little bit more of patience and an open heart this time around...
Some parts of me fear for the unknown, yet some parts of me want that magic spark to last for more than just one single night...

Bear with me for that is the only thing I can assure you of now at this very moment... ...

=)

Just Once - James Ingram

2009-10-29T03:50:00.002+08:00

A song that I have been replaying on my music player recently...

Enjoy! =)

I did my best,
But I guess my best wasn't good enough;
Cause here we are
Back where we were before...
Seems nothin' ever changes,
We're back to being strangers,
Wondering if we ought to stay,
Or head on out the door?

Just once...

Can't we figure out what we keep doin' wrong?
Why we never last for very long?
What are we doin' wrong?

Just once...

Can't we find a way to finally make it right?
To make the magic last for more than just one night...
If we could just get to it,
I know we could break through it...
(Hmm hmmmm)

I gave my all,
But I think my all may have been too much,
Cause Lord knows we're not gettin' anywhere...
Seems we're always blowin',
Whatever we've got goin',
And it seems at times with all we've got,
We haven't got a prayer...

Just once...

Can't we figure out what we keep doin' wrong?
Why the good times never last for long?
Where are we goin' wrong?

Just once...

Can't we find a way to finally make it right?
To make the magic last for more than just one night?
I know we could break through it,
If we could just get to it...

(Bridge)
Just once...
I want to understand.....
Why it always comes back to goodbye?
Why?
Can't we get ourselves in hand,
And admit to one another,
We're no good without each other,
Take the best and make it better,
Find a way to stay together...

Just once.....

Can't we find a way to finally make it right (Whoa)?
Make the magic last for more than just one night?
I know we could break through it,
If we could just get to it...

Just Once.....

Whoa oh, we can get to it...

Just Once.....

It's been a year...

2009-09-07T04:27:00.007+08:00

Since that phone call over the weekend which was probing me of whom was the person I was so busily distracted from yakking over the phone, where I was so un-like my usual self, sounding very distant while making sure that the curry that I was cooking wouldn't be burnt... I still have the SMS from that phonecaller, whom was asking for whom I was trying to be a "gud housewife" to...

I've never really told anyone, but it was that very same weekend which was the last time that I cried myself to sleep, surrounded by acquaintances I had barely knew, where with a bandaged knee, having the cold hard floor as my company... I had no shoulder to cry on, no one whom comforted, with only the sound of the waves along East Coast Beach for company... I had wanted to walk home alone at 4am, lay on my bed, and just cover myself in the sheets and just cry it out... But I feared that my Mummy would worry about why I was home when I said I would be out for the weekend, and how upset I had been... I didn't want her to worry... :(

The so-called ♥ was asleep soundly, surrounded by his buddies of decades, where no one even bothered to give up some resting place for me, whom had a recently operated knee that was still in pain...
But the hurt had somehow paled in comparison to the hurt that I had felt in my heart... You knew my knee was hurting as it hadn't fully recovered from my operation at the hospital, yet you chose to hush me than to tell your friends to let me have the bed at the chalet...

***

You knew I had wanted your presence just before I had my operation at the hospital, but there you were, lying in the comforts of your room, giving me a live commentary of what was showing on National Geographic... I remembered you rambling on about how some African tribe was performing some ritual...
I also remembered telling the doctor to give me a stronger dosage of the general anaesthesia as I laid on the operating table... I had told the doctor that it was too painful for me to bear; I knew I was lying ~ it was the hurt from your nonchalance and the emptiness I had felt that hurt more than the wound on my knee...
Every single day, I am reminded by your heartlessness when I look at the bump on my knee, yet, at the very next moment, I am reminded of how what hadn't and doesn't kill would merely make me become a stronger girl...

***

Instead of coming over to comfort me as I had blatantly asked of you when I was really sick from a high fever, you merely nonchalantly told me to drink more water and hung up the phone as your friends were waiting for you at the gym, and you didn't want to keep them from waiting...
How could you be so heartless?
How could you simply just take me for granted and only be around when you needed cheering up when you get all emo over your family or work matters, or how you needed financial support in the form of drinking funds for the weekends?

I remembered the argument we had over nonsensicals; I merely had just wanted and wished for you to be honest with me. I had already told you how I cannot endure lies for I have had endured far too many lies in my past relationships... Yet you had to betray the trust that I had in you...
How could you?
You have a very complicated past and family whom lied constantly and yet you lied to the so-called person you had claimed to love?
What a load of bollocks!
Pure bullshite!!

You didnt even filch nor stop me when I took a cigarette from your pack of Marbolos and lighted up that very weekend a year ago... It started to drizzle, then came the pouring thunderstorm; But the strong gusts of winds could never compare to how cold my heart had felt...

It took me 4 months to kick that habit of lighting up whenever I had thought of you... I had never liked smoking, but yet I had became a slave to the addiction, just because I had wanted some attention of any sorts from a man that don't deserve my ♥, my time, nor my efforts...

I remembered how I got so drunk because of you, hugging a gf while crying over someone who don't deserve any of my Love, whom I had wasted so much time, effort and money over...
I was a happy girl and then you had to come along and wreck the happiness and optimism in me... I am now back in a happy place, surrounded by family and friends whom care; but deep within me I know that once a heart has been broken into pieces, it will never ever be the same again...

As the strong gusts of winds blow like how it blew exactly a year ago as I type this, I remind myself to never ever allow myself to be taken for granted by another person ever again, and to never ever cry over a man who don't deserve ME...

And to the Special friend whom sms-ed me that weekend a year ago ~ No, the curry didn't get burnt, although his so-called friends said it wasn't yummy; but yet they finished the whole pot...

*Cynic Smile*

I really do appreciate the ♥, care and concern that my Special friend have showered upon me from miles away for so many many years... I have no idea of how you have the knack for calling or sms-ing me when I always am feeling blue; and I cannot tell you enough times of how appreciative I am for those calls and sms-es... It really means alot to me! :)

“Keep on beginning and failing. Each time you fail, start all over again, and you will grow stronger until you have accomplished a purpose - not the one you began with perhaps, but one you'll be glad to remember.”

“People seldom see the halting and painful steps by which the most insignificant success is achieved.”

~ Anne Sullivan

I am now stronger and have succeeded in being a happier person!

♥

Snip sNip

2009-06-14T02:05:00.007+08:00

I went from the what i called "Curry Puff / Pok Pok Puffed hair" to ... ...

Before...

Looking kinda like an Octopus with that Puffy head and with the machine's pipes resembling my tentacles...

*LauGhs*

:P

In between...
"Steaming" the "Crowning Glory"

And after a very "heated" duration acting as a wannabe Octopus... ...

After...
My hair looks even Black-er now, and I didn't even dye it!!
*LoVesss*

=)

The weather was getting to me - Humid, dry, and I even got a shade darker from just walking around without a brolly!! (*HurHur.. Poor me!* :~( )

I wanted so badly to get something done to my hair and after much proscrastination ... ...

I went for a haircut!

The 1st Singleton haircut since 2007!
*LauGhs*

I'm pretty anal when it comes to my hair;
(for some unknown, random reason, I rarely allow people to touch my hair...)

I was actually quite hesitant to chop off my locks, due to me having bad experiences with hairstylists who wanna earn the buck than to really listen to what I want for my hair...

But my previous experience of getting a haircut was amazing, so I wasn't that frightened to
re-visit the salon... But my previous Hairstylist / Boss of the salon absconded with the salon's funds, never to return (I'm not kidding!), so I handed my locks over to the new Boss, who really looks familiar, as though I've seen him around in St James, which he vehemently denies... ...
:P

Truth is, it wasn't anything much of a drastic haircut, it was merely a trim, of probably 2 inches to snip off all the bad split ends... (Strange, but my split ends are getting bad... Probably cos i'm getting, unfortunately, older... *SiGh*) But I finally mustered courage to get some treatment for the locks, cos I usually dislike having heat or chemicals on my head... But knowing how shitty my hair looks and how un-happy I've been recently, i decided to go ahead with my gut feeling to get the more things done to my hair just to cheer myself up...

And?

The after effects was so amazing!!

=D

I ♥ my hair!!

It smells really good, feels real bouncy, and it really feels and looks like those hair ad-worthy of luscious locks!!

And the best bit? My hair treatment only cost me $35, which according to my Hairstylist, is at 50% off due to the Great Singapore Sale!

But according to my Brother, whom is a regular at the salon, is suspicious of why the treatment of my hair of such long length would only cost $35...

(Ermm, maybe because my Hairstylist thinks I'm hilariously humorous, or that Business was slow earlier this afternoon? :P )

*LauGhs*

Even Mummy ♥s my hair and told me to ring up my Hairstylist and let him know that my "Elder Sister" would love to get her hair snipped there!
*LauGhs*

(Cos I told her the story of how I asked the Hairstylist if he was surprised that I'm my brother's younger sister, cos most people have commented that I look older than he does... *LauGhs* )

For the first time, in a very very longgggggg while... I'm absolutely happy with how my hair turned out!!

YiPPpppppEEeeee!!!

=D

♥♥♥

A Sporadic Update...

2009-04-29T19:05:00.009+08:00

*LauGhs*

My bad!

The reasons why this blog has not been updated in eons when Ive promised I would have is because... ...

I seriously am darn terribly busy!
(I wished I had 30 hours in a day! So that I'd be able to sleep for another 6 more hours! :P )

*At close to 6am after a night out at the clubs!*

I've been busy saving the economy, shopping, and window shopping more often since the office has reduced everyone's pay by making us work less hours...

Less for $hoe fund$! HurHur! :~(

*TeeHee*
(Don't ya just adore the PINK rose? So cuttee!!)

My buys from the trip to KL; Malaysia in February!
(I went with my Brother!! :P )

During one of the shopping sprees with my daRLing YuN in March!
(I *heart* the MAC Hello Kitty brochure lots! :D )

I've also been out clubbing, painting the town PINK in my LBDs, and having a whale of a time!

And I met up with my BFF for some teh halia (Ginger tea) at our fave joint!

My BESTEST friend for 13 years and counting!!
:D

I cannot wait to go shopping with her just like the good old times in JB!
:P

*sMiLes*

And I met up with real long-time mates for some Karaoke!!!

=)

And there's school, tutorials and readings to complete, and mundane routine called work!

Which reminds me, I've smthg from school to mug, so I'd update again... ...

REALLY SOON!!!

=D

*heaRts*

阴天...

2009-03-23T03:37:00.005+08:00

My bad - I havent been blogging!

And since all my pictures are taken by my darLing Yun who is pretty laggy with loading pics into her PC, I've since loaded what she has sent up onto FaceBook, so much so that this pinky lil' site has been very ignored!

Another reason, which is pretty lame, is cos I didnt wanna blog as it had reminded me too much of my previous relationship, and how his colleagues would check up my blog and all...

It was a wee bit too much for me to bear to blog, for wounds were raw, open and I was terribly hurt...

Lame, I know...

Well, althought there are times when I still think of him (I even texted him in one of those random moments, and cried in darLing Yun's lap over him, those days are hopefully over...), I'm definitely at a happier place in my Life. where I am happy to have family and dear friends that Love me so much!! :)

My BAD!! (>.<") I will get the layers of dust off my blog once exams are over!!!

And to those who dunno, I had my 1st A after my A levels for one of my modules last semester!! :D

And I'm extremely proud to say that I survived a round of retrenchment at my Forever21 age!!

*LauGhs*

I had a fun night with my darLings at our usual joint, with some silly guy buying us 2 bottles of M&C, and we had beers and hard liquors as well!! :P

BacK to Books and Notes!!

Here's something to share, which I had posted onto my FaceBook page...

:)

One of my all-time fave songs, which has been my constant companion during my studying during this time, and how it suits the weather currently...

I heart the lyrics of the song too!

Very accurate description of the game of Love, well, for me anyways...

Enjoy the MV, and the lyrics...

Since the "gah-men" says to speak more Mandarin from now, if anyone needs translation, pay me and I'd share!

*LauGhs*

莫文蔚 - 阴天

"阴天, 在不开灯的房间,
当所有思绪都一点一点沉淀...

爱情, 究竟是精神鸦片,
还是世纪末的无聊消遣?

香烟, 氲成一摊光圈.
和他的照片就摆在手边,
傻傻两个人笑得多甜...

开始总是分分钟都妙不可言,
谁都认为热情它永不会减,
除了激情褪去后的那一点点倦...

也许像谁说过的贪得无厌,
活该应了谁说过的不知检点.
总之那几年感性赢了理性那一面...

阴天在不开灯的房间,
当所有思绪都一点一点沉淀,
爱恨情欲里的疑点盲点,
呼之欲出那么明显...

女孩, 通通让到一边,
这歌里的细微末节就算都体验,
若想真明白, 真要好几年...

回想那一天, 喧闹的喜宴...
耳边想起的究竟是序曲或完结篇?

感情, 不就是你情我愿,
最好爱狠扯平俩不相欠.
感情说穿了, 一人挣脱的, 一人去捡...

男人大可不必百口莫辨,
女人实在无须楚楚可怜...
总之那几年, 你们俩个没有缘...

阴天, 在不开灯的房间,
当所有思绪都一点一点沉淀.
爱情, 究竟是精神鸦,
还是世纪末的无聊消遣?

香烟, 氲成一摊光圈,
和他的照片就摆在手边...

傻傻两个人, 笑得多甜...
傻傻两个人, 笑得多甜..."

Looking Forward --> February!

2009-02-02T23:28:00.002+08:00

New month, new beginnings...

Today marked the first day of work after a very long 9 days of blissful nothing-ness, and I dozed off in front of the PC at work! :P

Shifted to my new "cubicle" and I have been dreading this day for quite some time! I am sure gonna miss my old lil' messy cubicle, where guys are always easier to chat with than the females at my workplace!

I've always disliked cacophony at work! And to be surrounded by people whom have nothing in common with me is making me dread going to work!

:(

I'm definitely in need of a breather, despite having been off from work for 9 long days!

I'm heading to K.L, Malaysia in a fortnight's time, and I can't wait!!!

=D

(Even though its just a 2 days 1 night stay!! And the fact that I'd be going with my brother is a lil' random... Cos I've never been overseas alone with him, and it'd be like us fighting over the Loo every morning again!! *LauGhs*)

And I'm really looking forward to Jenny's ROM on the 24th! :)

Oh, there's also the cliche Valentine's next week!!

And I've already gotten DATES on that day... ...

I've got classes from 12th - 14th every evening! (O_O")

I'd be having HOTTT dates with my lecturers!

*LauGhs*

But it's okay! Cos I'm loving Life and I'm happy to have family and my darLings whom adore me to heaps...

:)

Today's supposedly the 1st anniversary year that I first met the ex bf, and despite how the hurt's still aching, I'm moving on...

Cos he ain't worth it!

pZ deserves better!!

*Better in time!*

:)

The Lunar New Year 0f 2009...

2009-02-02T23:21:00.001+08:00

Has been a hectic one, with gatherings at my place with the relatives, and plenty of partying over the 9 long days of break I got as my office was closed over the Lunar New Year period...

Plenty of fun with my darLings! :)

Photos and more to be updated soon!
(Cos it's day 1 of work today after a long long break, and I'm exhausted!!)

*heaRts*

14 days on... ...

2009-01-14T00:05:00.002+08:00

I've spent my days busy at work, over random stuff at work...

Have been going out on girly dates with my Lovely darLinGs...

Have met up with JC and secondary school mates which I haven't met in eons!!

Have been going for classes with a furrowed brow... :(

Went to a gay club in SG and got "hit upon" (in the literal sense of the words) by a guy/gay whom claimed to be bisexual...
*PuKe*

Granny was hospitalised and discharged (just earlier today) from the hospital...
She's alright!

:)

Went back to Boiler Room for a fun night out and saw the ex bf...

Had an extremely long conversation with him, and how we're trying to remain as friends whom contact each other once in a while to see how's the other person doing...

(When my mind was telling me to say "NO" to remaining in contact, simply because I've been very hurt by him, and I wanna be protective of myself...

But mind succumbed to what the heart felt and wanted, and how despite all the disagreements, my heart's telling me to say "YES" to being friends...)

I thought I was strong enough to continously move on, and look forward to things... Yet, somehow, despite having trying so hard to move on, I've always felt something special between us that's unexplainable simply in words...

Admittingly, there were the nights when I thought of him and about us, and yet there were nights when I hated him to the core and was extremely angry, thinking how badly he had affected and hurt me...

Bumping into him at where we had first met was something totally unexpected and unanticipated... I thought he wouldn't acknowledge my presence, yet I felt a pair of eyes that were so familiar on me throughout the night...

It ended up with he and I walking for a long stretch just so he could buy a pack of cigarettes and gather his thoughts or whatsoever, which did make my feet hurt like crazzy...

It ended up with him and I talking for an extremely long time about how he's been doing, and how I was trying my darnest to fight back the tears, to not crumble in front of him; to prove that I couldn't be hurt by him again...

It ended up with him and I crying, and how he wants us to be friends...

Now, things are as grey as the skies recently, and for the first time in an extremely longggg while, my heart and mind are at polar opposites of thoughts... ...

"I've tried to need someone, like they needed me...
I opened up my heart but all I did was bleed... ..."

I need a Lifeline... ...

Something For The Pain - Bon Jovi

"Happiness, it's been no friend to me
But forever after ain't what it's all cracked up to be
Yeah, I had a taste, you were my fantasy
But I lost my faith when I hit reality
I don't need no Guru to tell me what to do
When you feeling like a headline on yesterday's news

Come on , Come on, Come on
Give me something for the pain
Give me something for the blues
Give me something for the pain when I feel I've been danglin' from
A hang-man's noose
Give me something for the pain
Give me something I can use
To get me through the night
Make me feel all right, something like you

Loneliness has found a home in me
My suitcase and guitar are my only family
I've tried to need someone, like they needed me
I opened up my heart but all I did was bleed
I don't need no lover, just to get screwed
They don't make a bandage that is going to cover my bruise

Come on , Come on, Come on
Give me something for the pain
Give me something for the blues
Give me something for the pain when I feel I've been danglin' from
A hang-man's noose
Give me something for the pain
Give me something I can use
To get me through the night
Make me feel all right, something like you

Pull me under (help I'm falling)
Run through my veins (night is calling)
To a place (feels like I'm flying)
Where I feel no pain (Christ - I'm dying)
Be the pillow under my head
Give me cover when I'm in my bed
Take me higher than I've ever been
Take me down and back again
Come to me, be my disguise
Open your coat, let me crawl inside
Come on, Come on, Come on

Come on , Come on, Come on
Give me something for the pain
Give me something for the blues
Give me something for the pain when I feel I've been danglin' from
A hang-man's noose
Give me something for the pain
Give me something I can use
To get me through the night
Make me feel all right, something like you

Come on , Come on, Come on
Give me something for the pain
Give me something for the blues
Give me something for the pain when I feel I've been danglin' from
A hang-man's noose
Give me something for the pain
Give me something I can use
To get me through the night
Make me feel all right, something like you... ..."

New Year, New Beginnings... ...

2009-01-01T17:17:00.004+08:00

How was the New Year parties?

I spent mine at home, for the colleagues that I was supposed to meet cancelled on beers as there was a huge jam and they couldn't find parking lots by the beach...

Mummy and I ushered in 2009 over beers and chips instead, which was fun cos some parts of me couldn't bear to leave Mummy and Granny at home...
(Plus I was real sleep deprived with only 2 1/2 hours' sleep the night before... :P )

With 2009, it would mean pZ growing more mature by a year, and how I have to step up in Life with age and how I have to view Life in more seriousness, and how I've to start planning for a retirement kitty shoe/bag/anti-aging creame fund...

*Laughs*

This means New Year Resolutions are in order!!

I hope to be healthier!
I have been sick quite a couple of times in 2008, which isn't fun!! :(
So I'm gonna live a healthier life by having more Vitamin Cs and looking on the happier side of things!! :P

I hope to get more sleep in 2009, and to reduce the size of my eyebags!
More rest - looking younger and being more healthy!
:P

Exercise more!
I aim to lose all the empty calories, and much more!
Besides dropping dress sizes, it would be greatt if I could drop a cup size!!
*LauGhs*
:X

Get a new job, become happier and have better work-Life balance!
:)

Study and revise more!!
*Nods*

Read more books!
(Aim to start with the Twilight series!! :P )

Save more for the rainy days, with the economy looking real bad!!
:(

Travel more!!
(I am looking forward to returning to JKT with a Bang!! :)
neRd, you've been warned!! :P )
To quit my social smoking habit which I had picked up about 3 months ago!!
NO more ciggies in 2009 and beyond!!

Thus far, I AM CLEAN!!
Yayy!!!!
:D
To have a PINK-themed Forever Young birthday bash for my special day in 2009!
:D
Where everyone must wear something PINK!!
*LauGhs*

Become happier, more cheerier and more optimistic!!!
*sMiLes*

And what are your 2009 resolutions?

Happy Holidays!!

*huGs*

*HeaRts*

Year 2008 in quarterly reflections...

2008-12-31T00:01:00.006+08:00

It's that time of year again! How a year has whizzed by me, not to mention how I've learnt so much about myself in 2008!

It just seems like it was last week when I was at the countdown party at St James' PowerHouse a year ago, watching balloons fall down, hoping 2008 would be kinder to me! :P

So has 2008 been kinder to me like I had wished for when the clock struck midnight in PowerHouse in 2007?

Read on... ...!!

:)

January - March 2008

Brand new 2008 was ushered in with a smile on my face, with me hoping 2008 would treat me much better after all the shites in 2007... Unfortunately for me, I caught the flu bug on the 1st day of 2008!! :(

The early quarter saw me having heaps of fun with my gfs, painting the town red, dancing and drinking the nights away, happily enjoying my new-found confidence and how I was finally happy... Work-wise, despite the nastiness of the Bosses (all females!!) whom were terribly nasty to me, I got on by at work... Wishing better things would come my way!

Supposedly better things did come by my way when a friend of mine whom I saw on one of those DnD (Drink n Dance) nights introduced me to the secret service agent whom I thought was "The Prince" after the toads, which began this bittersweet journey of Love for me, which I, had fought and struggled with my innermost fears before re-embracing Love and all that it entailed after all the failures previously...

April - June 2008

The beginnings of any relationship are always sweet, but only fleetingly so...

We were virtually inseparable, we called each other all the time, did things together, and were deliriously happy... Despite the fact of how I hated all the baby-talks in the past, it seemed right this time around; where he was always there when I needed him to be, the rock that never fails to cheer me up when I was down... He was like a drug of hte sweetest form, and I thought that finally, my prayers have been answered when he first held my hand...

I knew he had my interest at heart when he persuaded to switch to a totally new industry work-wise, for he was worried that I would struggle to cope with managing studies on top of work... I wanted us to be happy, and I gave up my Love for Marketing and followed his advice of switching to an industry that I have no interest in whatsoever, a sun-set industry in this sunny island ~ Manufacturing...

Work soon affected us, in more ways than one... I was never a morning person, yet struggling to get to work earlier than what I was so used to was a constant struggle... Work was not what he had said it would be, mind-less, carefree with routine hours...
Work soon became a chore, it had drained me out of my energy that I soon became what I totally detested - a lifeless being...

It was all about doging the wrath of the Big Boss, fearing her impossible workload and deadlines and demands... Work never was routine, I was, for the first time, surrounded by colleagues whom had nothing in common as I did; They spoke about their kids, their weekends of mugging with their kids for the tests/exams... I could only smile, missing the fun night outs I had previously with people of my age, with things in common to talk about - shoes, clothes, Men and food...

The only saving grace was how he was there on MSN, encouraging me when work was terrible, and how he would patiently wait for me as I had to work late again, with him hungry, tired, but saying nothing, for he knew I had a long day... ... Deep down, I knew he was an impatient person by nature, and I was so terribly guilty, yet touched that he was so understanding...

The intended birthday celebrations of wanting to throw a bash for my lovely friends, with a pink themed party never materialised, just because his friends weren't keen on any clubbing...
I had to put on the fakest of smiles, and to pretend that spending my birthday weekend with his friends over towers of beers was what I had in mind... How I had to reply sms-es from my dearest friends whom wanted to celebrate my birthday weekend with lies that i wasn't free...

How the supposed birthday dinner with the Love had became just another one of those dinners near his place as his tummy was acting funny that day, only because he had drank too much and had a terrible hangover...

The Lychee Martini cake was yummy, but it didnt conceal the fact that it seemed as though his friends had mattered more than I did...

Getting shouted at on my birthday by the Big Boss didn't help either...

*Sigh*

I shifted out of my home and we uprooted to somewhere close by, but much smaller... It was seriously a nightmare shifting as I was busy juggling school and an extremely heavy workload... Thankfully the Love was nice enough to pop by and help me shift things over to my new place...

After shifting thrice within a span of 4 years previously, once from my childhood home to a place where I rarely came home to, to the ex bf's, and another time from the ex bf's back home; Somehow, I had a feeling that I haven't felt in a long while...
I felt like I was truly home...

The rooms may be very much smaller, things are messy, but, surrounded by the PINK walls, and my pink Piglets, i finally felt that I was home...

:)

July - September 2008

I usually dislike the months after June intensely, for nothing good happens to me during this period... My Boss had resigned and it had meant that the Big Boss constantly flared up over nothingness, which meant having to stay even longer hours just to complete whatever that needs to be done...

I broke down, in tears that one Friday, when I knew the Love was waiting for me to knock off for dinner, yet shites at work had meant I had to yet again, stay late on a Friday night, and how the Big Boss had demanded for us to return on Saturday, just because she had made promises to other departments of how she would get things solved...

Talk's always cheap, especially from a person devoid of any emotions, making use of the people beneath her as though we're well-oiled machines...
Pretending to show concern only when you're doing her a favour by clearing her outstanding issues so that her performance index wouldn't be affected...

Such a hypocrite!!
*Rolls eyes*

I wanted to throw in the towel, for we were at this stage where we had constantly argued over how late I was when we met up after office hours, and how his constant drunkenness and hangovers had worried me for he'd become very sick post-hangover...

I was really tired out from work, and all I wanted was to spend some time alone with him ~ It could be just a movie, or just sheer nothingness... I just didn't want to sit at that pub in that same seat, hearing the same songs being sung, the same jokes being said, and the cycle repeating itself every week... I couldn't fathom how they have been at this for years...

This wasn't what I wanted out of Life...
I want to live Life to its fullest, not wasting it away with all the senseless cycle of nothingness...
I admit that I tend to club above the average, sometimes doing the same thing on a weekly basis... But, my gfs and I know our limits, and we do not drink ourselves silly and then attempt to pick fights with random strangers, using the drunkenness as a silly excuse...

It finally hit my tipping point when one of his closest friends had poured liquid from those old-skool spittoons down my head, although by accident... The idea of him not even being angry at his friend was totally disappointing... He just stood there motionless, with a grin on his face... Was he laughing at the ridiculous sight of me in such a sorry state?
*ShruGs*

August 20th 2008 was a date to remember, for I was so tired out from meeting insanely ridiculous deadlines for the Big Boss that I fell down while making my way from office to the bus stop..., at exactly 2008 hours!! (>.<")

It hurt so bad, and I went home in shock, and I cried the entire night like a Baby for it really hurt! He didn't even seem shocked nor surprised, and although he did say he wanted to pop by, I sensed the fatigue in his voice...

Went to the hospital for a minor operation, where I had stitches for the wound wouldn't stop bleeding! :( He wasn't there at the hospital, but sick at home, watching programmes on Nat Geo again, obviously... Beneath the chirpiness tone I used when i called him, I was devastated that he wasn't around when i needed him to be; I didn't sense the worry in his voice, which was disappointing... He even had the cheek to tell me what program was on on Nat Geo and he had described what he was watching while I was grimmacing in pain and hobbling around, from ward to ward in the hospital!!

(For those whom genuinely care, I am slowly recovering, although I've got a scar there right smack on my right kneecap now! HurHur!! :( )

We had almost stopped communicating with each other after the fall, and when we did communicate, more often than not it would end up in huge arguments, with a little voice inside me telling me that I don't deserve this treatment, and that I should deserve much better...

Despite the little voice within me, and how the writing was obviously on the wall, I busied myself with work and classes, thinking that we were experiencing a rough patch, and that we would weather through this stormtogether...

Despite how we hardly really communicated, I took great pains in planning his birthday chalet, from ordering a very expensive chocolate cake and macarons from a boutique cake shop, to cooking his favourite chicken curry and other foodstuff for his party at the local chalet...

He never even said thank you to me, which was disappointing, and his friends had to drop 3/4s of a box of macarons onto the ground by accident..., and they never apologised, thinking that it was okay, that I, like him, wouldn't say a thing nor complain about anything they do..., for what they do and did was right...

It was rainy that birthday chalet weekend, and I was uberly frustrated that nothing was going right between us...
To find out that he had been lying to me about being completely honest with me made me snap... I took a cigarette from his box and lighted up, hoping he would get mad at me and scream, but he never did... ...

I fell really sick shortly after, and he never did show any real concern; it was more out of obligations than coming from a true heart... He told me he would be going to the gym with his friends when I asked him explicitly if he could just drop by after work to just say Hi and to just give me a hug, and remind me to take my medication... He stopped bothering and caring, and I was truly jaded...
Gym was far more important than a very sick girlfriend...
*Cynic Smile*

October - December 2008

The screaming matches continued, until i was really mentally and physically exhausted... All I wanted was advice from the boyfriend, a pair of listening ears, yet all he did was to give me the usual recruitment agent speech that he had used on countless of others whom he depended on for a living... I was dumbfounded...

I was immensely unhappy at work, yet I couldn't get the rock that I once had to lean and cry on...

It was yet another one of those random windy rainy nights when I finally had enough and I snapped... He snapped, and left me alone to fend for myself in the rain... It was again another rnadomly rainy day when he called 2 days later and ended things with me...

Looking back, of all the lousy excuses I have ever heard from people in general, the excuses he gave for ending things as they were was one of the lousiest...

I won't and wouldn't wash dirty linen here, but I guess that things happen for reasons that we wouldn't know or comprehend until much later... As I am typing this in my room, I finally realised how he wasn't the Man that I wanted him to be, and how energy-sapping this relationship was, and how Mummy was right in that he isn't compatible with me... ... If I had more sense to listen earlier!!
*LauGhs*

The last 2 months have really whizzed past me, and how I have finally found the good old pZ back in me!
Gfs were quick to re-embrace me, to listen to me whine, sulk and lament; who were there clubbing with me when I was confused and lost...
Colleagues who once kept their distance as I kept mine were quick to invite me out for lunches and tea, which have became a ritual almost immediately...
Gone were the empty calories from far too many beers, although I can lose more of those calories!! :P

I even took the time out to visit dear old neRd in Jakarta over his birthday long weekend, which had coincided with a local public holiday after one of those random nights of wanting to surprise a friend who has always been there for me through thick and thin, heartaches and heartbreaks... The surprise flopped in the end, cos I don't know Jakarta well, but neRd was the sweetest by showing and driving me around! :)

neRd, you have no idea how much it means to me to know you're always around!
*huGs*

I found courage and strength to truly move on while having time alone, travelling to a totally foreign land alone via Malaysia into Jakarta, with a phone that died on me upon touch down to Jakarta, which made neRd really worried after a 90 minutes plane delay!
*LauGhs*

Friends and colleagues were totally shocked that I was travelling alone into foreign territories... Imagine! A girl, carrying a trolley suitcase along as her solo companion, having the courage to hail a cab in a foreign land, with the limited vocabulary of the Malay Language I could muster/recall, to landing safely in Sukarno airport...

:)

I had time to myself in the hotel room, with the telly as my companion, and having the opportunity to go away from everything that i have taken for granted for has truly been an eye opener for me... The sights, sounds, and culture were so vastly different from the well-cushioned Life that I have been used to in Singapore...
Driving in Jakarta takes alot of guts and trust me when I say it's far worst off than Bangkok's famous traffic jams!
:P

I finally became stronger and snapped out of the laments of my lost love and found inner peace within myself upon returning back to Singapore... I no longer grumble at things that I usually take for granted, and I have since learnt to be more forgiving and less critical towards myself, and to love and appreciate the family and friends around me much more! :)

As I usher in the new year 20 odd hours later, I can give myself a pat on the back, have a smile on my face, and tell myself that it's been a fruitful year, knowing more about myself and of Life that I would never ever have learnt about had the Love not been lost...

How, despite my very jaded outlook with regards to Love and relationships, and how I am extremely cautious and more wary now; I am able to tell myself that it doesn't matter with regards to affairs of the heart and what matters more now is living the Life that I wish and want to lead, not being controlled nor dictated by anyone except myself...
(And well, maybe the family and real close friends! :P )

Come what may, I hope that I am able to withstand the distance ahead of me, for I know that there'd be water and resting points ahead whenever I struggle and falter... ... =)

And as a yearly tribute... ...

Appreciation goes out to all my daRLings that have been there for me through this emotionally roller coaster year...
The encouragements, laughter, jokes, listening ears, big hearts and keeping me in your prayers aside, I just wanna thank you for not being judgmental and for loving me for who I am, and for gently accepting me, my flaws, my nonsensical crap, and for offering hugs, company and listening ears whenever I needed them... :)

I am truly thankful! =)

Have yourselves a wonderful 2009 ahead filled to the brim with joy, peace, health, wealth, and of course LOVE! :)

R.I.P. 2008!!!!

DIEEeeeee!!!

*LauGhs*

*HeaRts*

The Christmas Longgg Weeekend!

2008-12-27T03:17:00.002+08:00

Was amazingly fun!!

Didn't hit the clubs, which surprised many friends who called or texted to find out pZ's location... I was at Ice Cold Beer cos the Gfs didnt wanna club cos they were thinking it'd be packed!

The rainy weather didn't dampen the mood, cos I just imagined them to be snow! :P
What had turned out to be a mood damper was how the DJ was so sleazy after 2.5 years!
*Rolls Eyes*

(Well at least it pales in comparison to the sleazy proposal I've gotten at last year's Christmas!)

And I've caught Twilight a 2nd time!! :P

And Australia was an awesome awesome movie! And I've to agree that Nicole Kidman seems more alive and acts better in Bahz Lurman's flims!!

Hugh Jackman's body is to die for!!! Too bad there were few shots of that buff bod of his! Apparently he had to eat every 3 hours and work out on the set to look the part of a cattle drover!!

*SwooNs*

Was home early, and everyone including my Mummy was shocked!!
Isn't it good to stay home? I wanted so badly to go out, but plans were not really enticing, so I spent it online instead!

:P

Will update more once I get those photos!!

Happy Holidays everyone!

*huGs*

:)

On the 6th day to Christmas...

2008-12-19T00:40:00.002+08:00

I am still sick!

*LauGhs*

I'm still down with the horrid flu that I brought home from JKT!

I had 2 days' of sick leave, and very drowsy medication, where I just slept and woke up only to blow my nose, and struggle with classes at night... And in 4 short days, I've lost close to 3kg!!!

Yayy to that!!
:D

Besides sitting out of ZoukOut (Fell asleep over my drowsy medication!), and having the dreary week of working and working, while blowing on the ever runny nose, coupled with far too many classes this week, it's finally TGIF!!!
:)

But I've got classes later on... AGAIN!!! (>.<")

I've been so busy that I haven't gotten the time to send out any Christmas wishes to anyone! I haven't shopped for any Christmas pressie as well, cos I've been soo freakingly busy at work... Imagine! I haven't shopped for shoes/heels in 2 months!!!

Plans for a short getaway to Batam with my darLinG's probably gone with the wind as well, as one of my lecturers wants to have an extra lesson on Boxing Day!! OMGoodness!!

Well, enough of the whining, and in the usual yearly tradition, pZ has got a wish-list of gifts she would love to have for Christmas!!

~ Better health! 2008 has been an unhealthy year!! I've been sick quite a couple of times, and the nasty fall on 20.08.2008 at 2008 hours (I kid you not! I happen to look at the time on my phone!) , and far too many towers of empty calories in the form of beer aside, I think it's time to start to age gracefully!

~ Happiness around me, my deaRest family and closest friends! :)

~ Wads of Cash - Euros/Sterling Pounds are fine, so too is SGD! :P

~ The entire collection of the "Twilight" books! :)

~ Shopping vouchers! :P

~ To strike the lottery!

Basically simple wishes this time around, cos at the end of the day, nothing matters more than being happy and healthy!!

BUT, if you adore me well enough, and have FAT year end bonuses to spare, please see above for some tips on what to get as a gift/gifts!!!

*sMiLes*

11 days to Christmas, 18 days to 2009...

2008-12-14T23:06:00.003+08:00

Time flies!!

Seems like yesterday that it was still 2007, and I was looking forward in anticipation to 2008!

What a year it has been! A year of many many emotions, yet I have learnt so much more about myself, and of Life!

Watch out for the next couple of entries about my annual Quarterly relections of 2008, and of course, the Christmas wish-list!!

*LoVes*

Nicked this from CupCaKe's Blog, and just another one of those QnAs I adore doing!! :P

1. What time did you get up this morning?
My mobile phone's 5 alarms started ringing from 805am (I kid you not!! :P ), and I finally dragged myself outta bed and into the showers at 830am! Had to get up to run some errands before the dreary work week comes! :(

2. Diamonds or pearls?

Diamonds are a girly's best friend! :)

3. What’s the last film you saw at the cinema?

The Lousy 007 movie, Quantum of Solace... Nonsensical shites! How could Bond still have a car for a ride when the entire building was burnt to nothingness?!?

In anticipation of watching "Cape No.7", "Twilight" and "Australia" at the theatres!

Please date me please!!

LOLx~

4. What’s your favourite TV show?

Definitely a tie between Survivor and The Amazing Race! :)

5. What do you usually have for breakfast?

Random breads that Mummy/Brother/myself buy from the previous night...

Or totally nothing cept a good cup of TST (Hokkien lingo for Tea with milk but less sugar)

Am missing MacD's breakie though!!

6. What foods do you dislike?

Bittergourd! (How on Earth can people take the bitterness I have no idea!)
Century eggs! Eggs cooked in anyway except fully boiled!

8. What’s your favourite CD at the moment?

Jay Chou - Capricorn
:)

9. What kind of car do you drive?

No car!

Only legs! (Trotters!)

10. Favourite sandwich?

Good ol' ham and cheese! :)

11. What characteristic do you despise?

People who lie/cheat on their significant others.

12: Favourite item of clothing?

Ermm, ermm...

My black halter top bought eons ago from Mango?

Either that or lingere! Yummy~~

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, you´d go to:

Europe!
(For the architecture, sights, sounds, and food!)

14. Are you an organized person?

Depends on the situation really...

Haha!

15. Where you’d retire to?

Anywhere else other than in SG!

The bills and strict laws would probably have me on my deathbed first!

16. What’s your most recent memorable birthday?

24th birthday, where the Liar of an ex bf planned a huge surprise for me, which I was geninuely touched. But the can of worms which opened up thereafter made it a bittersweet birthday to remember...

17. What’re you going to do when you finish this?

Drink water, blow my ever-runny nose, apply my eye cream and moisturiser, pack my bag for the Monday! :( and read Twilight! :)

18. Furthest place you’ve ever been?

Currently - Bangkok, Thailand!

19. Where are you now?

In my PINK bedroom.

20. When’s your birthday?

2nd June 2nd June 2nd June!!!

I should be planning to celebrate it with a bang for my upcoming birthday!

Should be a pink-themed one, with probably alcohol, music, and heaps of Love from my darLing gfs!!

Hahs!

21. What’s your shoe size?

38/39, depending on the cut of the shoe/heel...

22. Who’s the last person you spoke to on the phone?

Mummy!

23. How many pets do you have?

None at the moment!

Too busy with Life to get one cos it's a lifetime responsibility!

Might get a dog in the future though! :)

24. Any new & exciting news?

My Life is pretty boring now actually, although my closest GFs might beg to differ...

*LauGhs*

25. What you wanted to be when you were little?

I've always dreamt of being an air stewardess, had the chance when I was younger, but the Jerk of the ex bf forbade me to... :(

Either that or a Lawyer, since I've always loved a good verbal fight! :P

26. How're you today?

Drowsy from my flu medication, and suddenly feeling at peace with myself...

It's an indescribable feeling that I have... The rainy day just made it all so peaceful, plus, reading Twilight is making me so happy!

I think it's got to do with making the trip out to Jakarta last week...

I just feel at peace...

(Although I get a feeling I'd feel like crap tomorrow, it being the start of another work week... :( )

27. Favourite flower?

PINK Lillies, PINK Gerberas, PINK tulips, PINK roses!

PINK!!

But please, no flowers please! It's seriously a waste of money!

Flowers are meant to be appreciated in their full bloom, not snipped in the stem and gathered together artificially with nice wrappers...

28. What’re you listening to right now?

Olivia Ong's Version of "Sometimes when we touch"...
:)

29. What’s a day on the calendar you’re looking forward to?

24th - 26th December 2008!
31st - 2nd January 2009!

Hopefully, I'd be out partying!!
GFs, please remember that I'm back in SG!!!

30. What’s the last thing you ate?

An apple and my flu medication!
:(

31. Do you wish on stars?

Alot when I was younger, cos I would have a fantastic view of the nightsky in the room of my old place...

Nowadays, I still gaze up into the skies, and sometimes let the mind wander...

32. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?

Definitely PINK!!

35. Favourite soft drink?

I don't really take soft drinks...

But RootBeer and 100Plus are my weaknesses when I have cravings for carbonated drinks!

36. Favourite restaurant?

Varies randomly!

For now, i *heart* sushi!

37. Hair colour?

Jet black.

I haven't dyed my hair since 2004!

38. What’s your favourite toy as a child?

My stuffed toy collection of mostly teddy bears!

39. Summer or Winter?

I've never experienced Winter before, cos SG is forever humid!

I'd probably die from the cold, cos I am frightfully scared of the cold, but I really do wanna taste and experience snow!

*LauGhs*

41. Chocolate or vanilla?

I love everything chocolate, cept chocolate ice-cream!

Vanilla definitely for ice-cream!

42. Coffee or tea?

Definitely tea!

43. Do you want your friends answer this meme?

YesYesYes!

44. When’s the last time you cried?

Just the other night, I teared...

Does that count?

I teared from happiness knowing that I have finally realised that moving on isn't as tough as it worked out to be...

*sMiLes*

45. What’s under your bed?

Probably dust! :P

46. What did you do last night?

Watched Taiwanese Variety programmes on the telly as my gf told me she couldn't go clubbing... I was too drowsy from Medication to do much anyways...
Watched EPL - Spurs vs. Manchester United...
0-0

*siGh*

47. What’re you afraid of?

My Mummy!

(*LauGhs* More like I used to be soo scared of her! Now, we're chummy!)

My one greatest fear is to have regrets when I die...

48. Salty or sweet?

I loved my popcorn sweet!

49. How many keys on your key ring?

Two - 1 for the house, another for the drawer in my office...

50. How many years have you been working in your current job?

7 months, and I highly doubt if I can even last till the one-year mark...

LOLx!

51. Favourite day of the week?

Fridays!

Marks the start of the weekends!

52. Do you make friends easily?

I may seem to be a social butterfly, and how I am able to talk to people/strangers at random... BUT, I seriously need time to warm up to people, if I sense that they can be more than just accquaintance-material...

53. Do you like finding out all this stuff about your friends?

Yes!

放手了。。。自由了。。。！自由万岁！

2008-12-13T13:11:00.005+08:00

他曾经说我给得太多。。。

对他太好，爱他太多。。。

那时候的我还不明白分手的理由。。。
现在的我，也许明白，也许还不明白。。。
但，对我来说，都已经不重要了。。。

感谢他把手放开，让我从新地找回了自我。。。
感谢他那么狠心，好让我伤心欲绝，眼泪洗脸。。。
感谢他说不爱了，让美梦彻底地被粉粹。。。

原本以为幸福终于属于我们，
但却因害怕这幸福在短暂一秒之后就会崩落，
就很小心翼翼地保护恋情，害怕小事会伤害到对方。。。

也就因此而少了沟通，少了聆听，
之间的情感已经变成了习惯，而少了喜欢。。。
常为了生活中的芝麻小事而天天吵闹，
厌倦了，害怕对方伤心，
久而久之就不再谈心，
不再谈恋爱了。。。

也许我们的相爱原本就是个错误。。。
爱情原本就很不容易，
不是1加1，努力过后就会有结局。。。
我们各自想要的那片天空，
有着很不一样的东西。。。

我想要的天空，并不是他能够给我的。。。
我一直试着去适应和忍让，
心里的挣扎，使到我很不开心，
但却没有勇气去告诉他。。。
间接地，我们变得很不快乐，
很不满意对方，却又不敢说出口。。。

爱情，在我们俩个曾经是恋人的心中
留下了一道很深的伤口。。。
曾经的诺言和承诺，就让它到此为止，
画上一个句号，再也没有谁欠谁。。。

我们现在也许各自苦痛，但走出去还是一遍辽阔。。。

失败的恋情没有什么可遗憾的。。。
我们虽然没有天长地久，但我们曾经拥有，
说好开心就好，至少曾经拥有和爱过。。。
感谢他曾出现在我生命里，感谢曾与他相遇。。。

沉默，曾经是我给他的最后温柔，
现在的我，
心里已经没有了爱，只剩下祝福!
祝福他天天过的开心和健康！

该是时候把手放开，好让心里的结打开。。。

找到了自我，我看到了一片辽阔。。。

我放手了。。。。。。

我自由了。。。！

“只剩下钢琴陪我站在这里，
梦想中，属于我们的婚礼，
却成了单人结婚进行曲。。。

在这场爱情角力的拔河里，
爱我还是爱你？你选择了自己。。。
wo~

撒娇的，可爱的，黏人的，爱哭的，
照片里，曾经的都是你喜欢的。。。

如今我还在原地，你却走回你的记忆。。。
你说我爱你太多，就快要把你淹没。。。
你害怕幸福短暂一秒就崩落。。。

分开是一种解脱，让你好好的想过。。。
我想要的那片天空，你是不是能够给我？

你说我给你太多，却不能给我什么。。。
分不清激情，承诺，永恒或迷惑。。。

爱情是一道伤口，我们各自苦痛。。。
沉默是我最后温柔，是因为我太爱你。。。

只剩下钢琴陪我站在这里，
梦想中，属于我们的婚礼，
安静了，在我枕边的梦里。。。

我知道相爱原本就不容易，
爱不是1加1 ，努力就有结局。。。
wo~

撒娇的，可爱的，黏人的，爱哭的，
照片里，曾经的都是爱着你的。。。
脸颊的泪还温热，却没有人握我的手。。。

你说我爱你太多，就快要把你淹没。。。
你害怕幸福短暂一秒就崩落。。。

分开是一种解脱，让你好好的想过。。。
我想要的那片天空，你是不是能够给我？

你说我给你太多，却不能给我什么，
分不清激情，承诺，永恒，或迷惑。。。
爱情是一道伤口，我们各自苦痛。。。
沉默是我最后温柔，是因为我太爱你。。。”

Mission Jakarta!

2008-12-09T21:51:00.019+08:00

Sorry for the absence, I was busy "dating" my books and notes that I didn't have much time to blog...

Apart from exams, there was Eunice's wedding which I attended admist mugging for my papers (Pictures are with a friend, and it hasn't been uploaded/sent out yet thus far... :( ), and a night out with darling JodY, whom I have not seen in eons of close to 8 months!! It has been far too looonngg!! Am terribly happy for her that she's found Love, and looks really happy! Yayy to that! :)

What else have I been up to, you might ask?
:P

Well, I know this is a superbly random thing to say, but, everyone has gotta try travelling alone once in their lives!

One of the most exhilirating highlights to close off 2008 was me being absolutely random, and wanting to surprise Bestie Bernie for his birthday, which was a total flop, cos I do not know JKT very well obviously! In the end, had to ask him for hotel reservations and locations, and what nots...and me, obviously being very annoying by bugging him on a lot of information...

LOL~

Best bit?
I was in such a MAD rush to pack that I left his Bday pressies on my bed...
So much for surprises!
(*Pouts*)
Sorry Dearie!
*PuLLs EaRs*

~Day 1~

After some frantic packing after taking 1/2 day's leave from work and what-nots, I was on a solo bus trip with pretty smooth roads into JB, and a cab trip headed to the airport, which still amazes people of how gutsy I was to travel in a cab in Malaysia alone, which are notorious for fleecing and maybe even robbing passengers..., (Sometimes, we just gotta take a leap of Faith, with that limited vocabulary of the Malay Language! :P ) and enduring a very long flight delay, (40 minutes became close to 90 minutes...) with the mobile phone dying on me, I was in JKT!! :)

Hello Senai; Malaysia!

Bernie was where he was, which made me relived, somewhat, as I was thinking that he wouldn't appear like how he had been joking... LOL~

Small chat over an extremely late dinner/supper later, Bernie took me to this really huge Dragonfly-lookalike place, with really hottt pole dancers!
Didn't take pictures cos was busy wanting to make Mario, a good buddy of Bernie's drunk... LOL~

Talk about clubbing after touchdown! That was awfully fun! Later I then realised that the club was filled with "Lady Companions", whom were hired to get guys to buy them drinks... Apparently, if these babes like you enough, they can go home with you to ermmm... wash your dishes and iron your clothes?!?!? :P

*Go figure*

Then checked into my hotel, which was in the heart of Chinatown, and as well as the sleaziest part of town - the equivalent of Geylang in Singapore!

The view from my room's window in the day...

And in the night, with my reflection! LOL!

And was surprised to see... ...

Durex!!
It's afterall got a reputation as somewhat of a sleazy hotel...
With pole dancers/strippers in the hotel's club!
TeeHeeHee...

At least there is some form of social responsibility!!
LOL~

~Day 2~

Bernie took me to this crazily HUGE mall in the heart of town for lunch (Thai food! :) ) and some shopping!! Managed to grab some stuff discounted due to the stronger SGD! And how surprised I was to find a bangle that I have been eyeing for some time at close to 50% cheaper in Jakarta!! :)

Bernie, being Bernie, made me totally LOL over how he's so proud to carry a shopping bag from a UK shop that I went to, for the shop's stuff are apparently expensive...
Totally forgot to snap a shot of that smug look on Bernie's face!! :(

My fave place of the entire trip - Social House!
Apparently, Bernie had wanted to take me there for lunch, but their waiting list was 3 frigging pages long!!
(O_O)

Even the napkins are pretty!!
:)

So it was a good thing that it was relatively empty over tea time with really yummy cakes & sandwiches and cute menus and what-nots!!

Reminds me of a local Marketing/Advertising firm's work as they'd also use similar fonts and what-nots...
But isn't it sooo pretty?
=)

It was relatively affordable, once again, due to the stronger SGD...
There can be no place in SG that would have free flow of tea refills and such yummy cakes and biscuits at SGD$15!!
I kid you not! :D

The way it was served already deserves top marks!!
It was extremely yummy and filling too!

Was so tempted to nick the cute lil' chair home BUT Bernie was pretty shocked and slightly embarassed that I resisted the urge to take the lil' chair home! :(
Isn't it lovely? The menu's so well-designed as well!
:)

Nice place to chill, and the service was definitely much better than SG's standards!
It's a definite must that I will head back to Social House when I return to JKT!!
:D

The next time, I will steal the chair!!
*EviL LauGhs*
:P

It was Bernie's bday celebrations at one of the most popular nightspots in town in the evening,... Apparently almost all the famous socialites and beautiful people head to BlowFish... the interior reminded me of Helipad somewhat, very dark, plenty of sofas... But very tiny strips of space for dancing! It's a wee lil' pretentious for me, how people won't like really let their hair down and really dance...

Obviously Bernie and my other former secondary school mates kept asking me to drink, and I got bored after awhile that I think Mario was irritated with my "I'm so bored..." speech!
LOLx~!

So, I decided to dance and grind Bernie's gal-pals at random, which made some of them pretty shocked at first!
My belief ~ it's dark, no one can see you, most people are drunk anyways, so let the hair down and have fun!!

:P

Pity that Bernie left quite early; Apparently 3am's considered late in Jakarta's clubbing terms... plus he had to drive extremely carefully cos I sensed that squinting of the eyes meant he was dead tired...

In a way, it was a wasted trip, cos we all wanted to see him dead drunk and all... but from the other side of the fence, it was good that he wasn't dead drunk else he'd be thrown into my hotel room, probably meaning me sleeping on the cold floors and perhaps him puking everywhere in my room! (O_O")

*Phew*

But knowing me, I'd still make sure he's okay and all... ... LOL~

~Day 3~

Went to a SG-looking mall (There were the local BreadTalk, Old Chang Kee, and even Bak Kwa!) for lunch with Bernie and Mario over fresh sashimi but decent salmon bento... (No photos again!!), and we chilled over drinks with plenty of laughs and deciding on where to head off to later in the night!

But plans got cancelled as it was the eve of Hari Raya Haji, and since it was an Islamic country, the places that served alcohol had to be closed until Tuesday!! :( I had been looking forward to hear Bernie croak/hold a tune! LOL~

*BUT there's always next time!* :)

BUT I did hear him snore during his catnap though!

Opppsss...!!! :X

LOLx!

So, I began the nightmare of packing up, and re-painted my smudged nails, and was terribly hungry but Bernie haven't showed up with beers as promised...! :(

So, me being me, I decided to take pictures!!

The rooms of this hotel are of different colour themes on different floors...
Initially I thought I would have had Neon pink, but looking from the corridors when I went to explore, I think Green's so much less sleazy! LOL!

MeMeMe!
In My Heineiken tee, waiting for booze to arrive!! :P

Bernie popped by my hotel with cans of local beer and I finally tasted local food at one of the tiny food shops along the streets cos I waited for Bernie until 11pm and was totally famished!!!
But the nasi padang was worth the wait cos it was very yummy, although salty! :) The sugarcane juice along the streets was really nice too! Very fresh! :D

The damage to our livers...

I admit I didn't drink much, cos the beer tastes weird! One of them tastes somewhat like sourplum juice! LOL~
And how I dislike my beers too cold! :P

So we chatted and channel surfed and came across my Jay Chou speaking in Bahasa in "The Curse of the Golden Flower" cos it was dubbed over! And Bernie irritated me by not changing the channel!! (O_o)

And I had thought Wi-Fi was free in my hotel, but we apparently had to pay by the hour! :( Bernie was sweet enough to bring his laptop over for me to surf some YouTubes and FaceBook! And I saw his Internet Explorer Favourites folder and stuff in his Lappy!
Hahaha!
:P

That was how we counted down to his 26th Birthday!
With his phone ringing with heaps of Birthday wishes!
Bernie's pretty popular and well-liked, apparently!!
*LauGhs*

~Final Day~

We were supposed to meet for breakie at my hotel, but he overslept, and I spent 1 hour in the showers cos the water flowing from the shower head was so tiny!! :(
But I can't complain, cos the bed's real comfy!! :D

So, while he was dolling himself up before driving out to pick me up and check out of the hotel...

pZ did her best to camwhore!!! :P

Guess who? It's David Cook!!
Flanked by the remanents of beer from the night before!! :P

Bored, and hungry...

My attempts to eat some buildings up as was soo hungry!!
LOL~

I *heart* Jakarta!
Loved the effect of the clouds in this picture!!
:)

Lousy beer! But if it pays me well-enough, I don't mind being it's spokesperson...
*In my dreams*
:P

Bernie and I went to check outta my room and we went to this really chic and uber nice Peranakan place for lunch!

Blurry pictures of the interior decor of the place...
The photos don't do justice!
HurHur!

Blurry pictures again!
:(

Apparently, it's pretty famous in Jakarta, and it is usually packed at night with the Indonesian Chinese yuppies and the expat crowd...
It was really dark, and filled with Peranakan-styled furniture, and the interior kinda reminded me of my old place, which brought back loadsa memories! :)

The servings were huge but really nicely decorated, and the lemongrass drink was real nice!
Hint of Lime, and the taste of lemongrass was something I've never tried before, and it was very yummy!

Bernie took this shot of me squinting in darkness...

And after that very yummy dinner (it costs about SGD$4o + for 3 pax, which is considered cheap at such a beautiful place with such nice decor rich in history and an uniquely Asian culture! But to Bernie, he said it's expensive as we would find it cheap due to the exchange rate and standards of living...), we were supposed to catch a movie, as the local theatres have beds in place instead of seats, which I was curious about; and Twilight was already showing in Jakarta!!

But Mario wasn't that keen on watching a movie, so we went to the old school...

Video Arcade!!!

Mario actually busted his toe and was bleeding while playing the football game... :(
Hope his toe's gonna be alright! :)

Before we know it, was time to send me on my way to the airport... Not before me finally having the honours of treating Bernie to a meal in the form of AnW, which no longer operates in SG! LOL~

I hate saying goodbyes, cos it's always with a tinge of sadness, but flights don't wait for pZ! So after promising Bernie to return with a vengence soon, I went and check-in, and bought some highly expensive chewing gum for my colleagues!! >.<"

I managed to get a seat selection, which is amazing cos budget airlines usually don't allow seat selections... Managed to get a window seat, and lapsed in between reading my new buy at the airport in the form of... "Twighlight"!! :D

Goodbye Jakarta!
This definitely won't be the last I'd see of ya!
:)

The plane ride home was smooth, was early, and the crew were so friendly!!
But I did feel my throat getting weird, and the nose getting all stuffy...

The coach ride out to Johore immigration was fast, probably there aren't that many cars at night, but there was a massive jam into SG, just because everyone was going back, and a bus getting towed away didn't helped the situation! LOL!

I got home close to 1am, somewhat tired and pretty amazed at myself, from how I just decided to book a ticket to Jakarta, flying alone, handling not-very-foreign, yet not-very-familiar languages of Bahasa Indonesia and Bahasa Melayu along the way, and at how I took the courage to just randomly hop onto a cab in JB, hoping I'd get sent to the airport in one piece!

My gfs and colleagues were soo surprised and shocked cos Jakarta wasn't really safe when I booked the tickets... But I went ahead anyways cos I'd only live once!

I am somewhat in awe at how I can be so bloody independent! Perhaps I've always been subtlely dependant on men (Daddy, Brother, former boyfriends, colleagues, etc...) that I forgot how it was to stand on my own 2 feet on heels! Hahs!

But travelling alone is fun! :)

I am planning for another trip soon, where I'd return with a bang, i hope! LOL~

Bernie has always been there for me when I was feeling down, and always cheer me up with that uniqely neRd sarcasm; so I thought it'd be nice to take the longg weekend trip to wish him happy birthday! Besides, he's always the one doing the visiting, so it's nice for a change of things! :)

And I sensed that he hasn't been himself recently... Knowing how he bottles up stuff like me, I really do hope he's all cheered up seeing how I travelled miles to just pop by for a visit! :P

(And some shopping, obviously! :P )

Ciggies are for a colleague!! Not me!! :I
Gum for the colleagues,
belt (Something that Dorothy Perkins in SG sold out on!
Got it cheaper in JKT! :)
Bangle cost me S$20+, but the boutique here sells it at S$49!!)
I *heart* the clutch bag! Looks tiny, but surprisingly roomy! :)
Brown wallet's a Christmas pressie for my darLing MeowMeow~!
And "Twighlight"!!
Very narrative in the early chapters, haven't gotten onto the exciting bits yet... :)

And I didn't really sleep until the wee hours, and I went to work with a stuffy nose, and being dead tired!
And now, my nose is blocked and I've been sneezing!
I think i might have brought home a souvenier from Jakarta!

The FLU!!!
(>.<")

To Bernie -

Thank you for being the wonderful sweetheart that you are, for driving and showing me around...
For being my shopping bags carrier, for the nice food, lovely company and wonderful conversations! :)
And for making sure that I am okay!
:)

I am truly amazed that 13 years, with some distance, and previously in different continents, and time zones, suspicious ex-boyfriends of mine and how I used to take you for granted (Sorry!), our friendship has stood the test of time and how you'd never ever fail to be there for me!

I am truly thankful to have you around Dearie!! :)

Hoped you enjoyed your birthday!! :)

neRd's da BEST!!

*huGs*

On a Hiatus...

2008-11-17T13:47:00.005+08:00

Have I been kidnapped to the island of Maldives and now am a beach bum, sipping cocktails while taking in all that's around me?

Have I been sent on an all-expenses-paid trip to London and shop in all the high-fashion stores, chilling over FishnChips, and tea with a dash of lemon, while planning for the trip to Stonehenge as we speak?

Have I found an airplane ticket along the streets one fine day, and it's a trip to Bangkok with a free hotel accommodation confirmation that came along with the plane ticket?

Or has Bernie been a nice soul and sent me on an all-expenses-paid trip to Jakarta so that he'd play host...?

All...

W-R-O-N-G!!!

I would be on hiatus, due to the upcoming exams!!! =(

But I promise that I'd be back with a Bang, with more pictures from the previous weekends of fun (Once DarLing Yun hands those pictures over!! :P ), and from the fun that I'd be having admist my exmainations at Eunice's wedding dinner!!

And post-examinations celebrations and fun for the month of December!!! Which means, Christmas is around the corner!! :D

This would be the 3rd Christmas as a Bridget Jones! :)
(The irony of how I actually had planned something special for the former bf to usher in the festivities!!)

Now that I'm flying solo, it would mean more time/ or less, depending on which side of the fence that you're sitting on! (Hahs!) For more partying/ fun times with my daRLings, and more office madness with colleagues of other departments!!!

(Im usually very busy during the festivite fortnight, where I get alot of calls from random people asking me where the party's at! :( And this year, I hope it's gonna be a blast!! Ladies' Night ya know!! :P )

For lovely friends, do keep a lookout at your snailmail letterboxes!!! :)

And Bernie's birthday's on the public holiday weekend!

I'm deciding whether to randomly spring a surprise on Bernie by popping by CGK/JKT during his birthday weekend!! Have been doing some research, but am clueless on hotels there! :( Does anyone have any hotel in Jakarta to recommend? I don't need smthg fanciful, just a room with decent enough of a bathroom, and a bed that doesn't have bedbugs!! :|

Besides, I get a feeling Bernie would drag me along to nightspots and what nots, so I wouldn't be sleeping much!!
:P

But everything's tentative, until he and I discuss this out!! :P

But admist all these plannnings, it's books and notes time once again!! It's the 3rd major exam (4 papers, and its all essays this time aorund mind you! So more brain cell killing!!) in 2008, and I cannot wait for them to end!!! Final examinations of 2008, and final lap of my Year 1 studies!!
:)

2008 is coming to a close!!

What a year!!

I had thought I'd usher the year end festivities with the ex bf and his friends, delivering turkeys on behalf of one of his very good friend and then going to one of the rooms in the hotels here in SG to usher in the fesitivities like what they would do every year!

I admit there are times when I do think about him, and the relationship, but I really do hope that with the new year, I'd be stronger than I am now... The song reminds me not just of him, but of how I cannot seem to be able to shake off that tingling feeling of just wanting closure in some form... But, like what Leona Lewis sang, I really hope that I'd be "Better in Time"... ...

=)

"你说会永远想念我...
我知道爱情已经死掉...

你把自由还给了我,
我却无力可逃...
分分秒秒都想起你对我的好...


我想要一帖相思的解药...
被回忆关起来, 教人受不了...


你宣判我的无期徒刑,
孤单是我的背号...
我在漆黑的夜里,
看着心被爱焚烧...


你给我一个爱的监牢,
用思念做一副手铐...

我嚎啕大哭,
我颓废的笑, 外面有没有人听的到?


我早知道爱是一个监牢,
可是我不能不往里面跳...

吹寂寞的风,
守时间的孤岛,
心睡在冰雪里,
而明天只是个问号...

你给我一个爱的监牢,
用思念做一副手铐...
我嚎啕大哭,
我颓废的笑, 外面有没有人听的到?


我早知道爱是一个监牢,
可是我不能不往里面跳...

吹寂寞的风,
守时间的孤岛,
心睡在冰雪里,
而明天只是个问号..."








Be back soon!






*huGs*

Perfection...

2008-11-14T00:36:00.006+08:00

It's was the ex-bf that first let me listen to this song...

It had reminded me so much of my former relationship that I cried as I was listening to this song, and that time, the ex bf and I weren't an item yet... ...

Now, as I listen to this song, it only reminds me of our relationship... The irony of it all!!!!!

"In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities." - Janos Arany

Then maybe perhaps what we had shared was not Love, for he had began to think that I was getting impossible, and how we were getting impossible... ... How he simply gave up trying, cos we were "too different for each other... ..."

It would be good if we could all fit into the imperfections of the significant other, or how it would be good to be similar, share similar interests, share similiar personalities... But, Love is about making compromises, sacrifices and having plenty of communication... Love isn't just about giving things up when things doesn't seem to be looking rosy... Neither it is about comparing... Love should be unconditional... I gave unconditionally, yet in the end, he tells me it's over...

He has made the choice, and it's been a month odd...
It's a battle everyday to keep the mind busy... There are some days where I seriously am soo busy that I don't even have time to ponder... Yet there are the days when the mind wanders...

Moving on this time around is so tough... But I know I'd have to slowly move on... ...

For... ...

The Love that he had wanted is simply just far too perfect...

No matter how hard I've tried, I'd never ever be able to perfect it... ...

Maybe, just maybe, the kinda Love that I thought I had, was nothing but just a dream, and like how when one is dreaming in their sleep, he/she would eventually have to wake up... ...

Sooner or later, I'd have to wake up and face the music... ...

"我曾经爱过这样一个男人,

他说我是世上最美的女人...

我为他保留着那一份天真,

关上爱别人的门...

也是这个被我深爱的男人,

把我变成世上最笨的女人,

他说的每句话我都会当真,

他说最爱我的唇...

我的要求并不高,

待我像从前一样好...

可是有一天你说了同样的话,

把别人拥入怀抱... ...

你身上有她的香水味,

是我鼻子犯的罪...

不该嗅到她的美,

檫掉一切陪你睡...

你身上有她的香水味;

是你赐给的自卑...

你要的爱太完美,

我永远都学不会...

也是这个被我深爱的男人,

把我变成世上最笨的女人,

他说的每句话我都会当真...

他说最爱我的唇...

我的要求并不高,

待我像从前一样好...

可是有一天你说了同样的话,

把别人拥入怀抱...

你身上有她的香水味,

是我鼻子犯的罪...

不该嗅到她的美,

檫掉一切陪你睡...

你身上有她的香水味;

是你赐给的自卑...

你要的爱太完美,

我永远都学不会...

你身上有她的香水味,

是我鼻子犯的罪...

不该嗅到她的美,

檫掉一切陪你睡...

你身上有她的香水味;

是你赐给的自卑...

你要的爱太完美,

我永远都学不会... ..."

Men spending $12,000 a year on women - News

2008-11-11T23:06:00.002+08:00

Men spending $12,000 a year on women - News

Read about it!!

The irony of it all, I'd like to think that I'm the minority group whom have spent more than the former guys in my life, well, 'cept for the FilthyRichLiar obviously...

I have never gave it a 2nd thought when I splurged on shirts/cufflinks/gadgets/even mobile phone bills just cos they wanted/needed them... I was the type that would slip in a $10 note whenever the bf's wallet was empty/ when they hinted that they were broke...

The irony of it all was that whenever I'm in a relationship, I barely splurged on myself... I would think before buying a $40 pair of heels, when I readily bought shirts that easily cost twice as much...

Or to spend close to $600 on buying a briefcase just because I was looking from the mileage perspective of things in that his briefcase is damaged, and it was high time he gotten something much more presentable and formal, and that how it was his birthday pressie...

The irony is that the "mileage of the relationship" didn't last as long... *cynic smile*

Imagine! The shoe diva actually not wanting to buy heels!!!

Imagine!!! I blew close to $600 on getting a bag that I wouldn't be using (If I topped up a wee bit more, I could have gotten a Speedy for myself!!), and how I splurged an almost similar amount on getting a PSP eons ago, just because the jerk wanted one...

So imagine my shock when a colleague of mine commented that I was "high maintenance" earlier today!!

Me?!?!?

I admit I do have heaps of clothes, and tons of heels, BUT, most of them were bought during sales, since sales are like 24/7 throughout the year! Which explains why I've tons of discount cards, which does come in handy whenever I buy clothes... Else, there's always the haggling with those tiny shops... And since with the current craze of tops that makes me look preggers, I haven't been buying much, the only thing I admit spending alot on recently is beers and liquor, and obviously cab rides home...

Heels? My most expensive splurge thus far were not Christian Louboutins/Jimmy Choos... The most expensive pair of heels I have are from Aldo, and they were bought with birthday vouchers that my lovely friends gave me as a bday pressie in 2007... Most of my shoes are bought during sales or from those tiny shops in Far East Plaza... I don't even own Birkens, mind you! Although I have been resisting the urge to buy a pair or 2 with my gfs online... :-/

I don't even own authentic designer/"IT" bags, and the most expensive bag I'm currently using was a gift from the former bf (the most recent one) from Mango as my fake Fendi justified why it wasa fake bag... The Fendi Spy, the Loewe, the LV Speedy and the Chanel are all wants which are and have been on my list, but I wouldn't buy until I have more spending power...

Realistically, everyone's gotta have one of those luxe classic designer bags just because of the workmanship, and how it'd last years vs. my cheap bags that wouldn't last very long... The only thing that has a tag on me, is my employee ID tag (*LauGhs*), and the Kate Spade wallet which was a bday pressie from the most-recent-ex-bf this year...

For now, school fees are a major headache, so I've been resisting all urges to get a new bag or two... But I might succumb to temptation and get something cheap but classy-looking just because... ...

They don't match my shoes! :P

*LauGhs*

I'm kinda the "everything-just-dump-into-the-bag" kinda girlie, which means I adore hugeeee bags with sturdy handles and closures/zips, which probably explains why my bags usually weigh a ton!! :P

So me?!?!?! High Maintenance?!?!?

(My gfs all agree in union that i've been far too nice to all my previous bfs!!!)

*tHinKs*

What do you think? (O_o)

Share your views!!!!

Photos from the past weekends...

2008-11-04T23:00:00.004+08:00

I know i know, this is bloody belated...

My Bad!!! Have been busy with the mundanes of Life (WorkWorkWork/ClassesClassesClasses/OutWithFriends/ChillingOutAtHome...) so I haven't had the time to update my blog!

My bad!
*PuLLs EaRs*
=P

My daRLing MinGYun and I dropped by at Loof 2 weekends ago for I had not been there before, and we wanted to be there to spy on someone... Not telling! :x And although the spying mission failed, we saw Denise Keller, the VJ from MTV looking scarily skinny!! I must say that Loof doesn't live up to its hype! It sorta reminds me of Phuture with heaps of underaged kids just sitting around admist a very mature crowd at the smoking section!!!

We then popped over to St James' PowerHouse for heaps of fun! And I was terribly happy to see my dearest singer of BoiLer Room, whom I have been having a huggeee crush on since last year!!! It was really fun to just drink, dance and cam-whore!!!
:D

I spent the following Wednesday meeting up with colleagues that I barely know from other departments at Zouk, for I had promised my German colleague that i'd show him around, and that he had heard so much about Zouk... So being the nice tour guide, I met him, not knowing that he'd be bringing along another German colleague, whom is on pretty well terms with my Big Boss!

*YiKes*

There goes my image at worK!

*LauGhs*

Although he did promise me not to let the cat outta the bag! But I must say he was shocked at the way I gulped down my shots that quickly!!! :P

The entire lot of us!!! :)

I went back to St James' Boiler Room last weekend,to see "you-know-who" perform, and I got to know DarLing YuN's ex-colleague, a very pretty Sherrel!!! :)

My darLing hasn't sent me the pictures yet, so i'd update, hopefully, really soon!!!

Of all horrors, my gf was pretty depressed over her current relationship problems (why are we all having relationship problems and issues?!!?!) and she got pretty dead stoned drunk and she puked on my hand in the cab we were in!!! Thank Gawd that she only puked on my hand, and the nice cab driver had heaps of plastic bags!!!

So, me being me, I dragged her to my place, where she puked like a crazzzyy woman all over the void deck of my block!!! I woke up my entire family and we managed to put her nicely on my bed!!! What a night/wee hours of the morning!!!

The loonnnggg Deepevali weekend was pretty much relaxed thereafter, chilling over drinks with darlinG YuN, talking about our relationship issues and problems... i've known her for 7 years and counting, and I know she's lost for she'd been with her bf for 8 1/2 years... Suddenly, my problems seem so tiny, so I just listened and offered my advice! Whatever happens in the future, I just wish and want to see her happy!! =)

WorkWorkWork over the short work week saw me really tired out at work! Okay, I admit... my Big Boss wasn't around the previous week, so we took longer tea and lunch breaks...! :X

But when she returned, I was sooo pissed off and disappointed with how things at work are going! :( I sent her a longgg longg email and she hasn't been talking to me since!

*ShruGs*

In all honesty, the job is easy, it's the shites that I have to deal with just because I have an inefficient superior whom tends to throw everything he cannot handle my way! And I thought my ex-Boss was bad enough...

I have to experience the notion of working under someone that does not manage me!! He merely utters "Please support me..." all the time! I cannot do everything that's his job else I would be in his position and earning his pay! I'm already tied up with my own projects yet I have to chair meetings and write minutes on his behalf, so much so that time flies and nothing of mine gets done!!! :(

I just wished he would take the end of the stick and get things done!

I am really at my tipping point!!!!

(-_-")

N'uff about work! TGIF came and it was Halloween!!!!
We were supposedly to go to Zouk and scare ourselves silly in dress-up costumes, but my gfs decided to dress normally the last minute!! :(
But I still decided to go in my Lil' witch hat looking all sweet, which I think flopped terribly! I don't look sweet anyways!
*LauGhs*

Plans were almost scrapped cos everyone was tired out from work, and how something happened to me that made me feel totally wrecked, sad and teary(that's a story for another day!); and how everyone and anyone seemed to be heading down to Zouk somehow put a damper onto our moods! :(

I sorta told my gfs that if we weren't meeting, I'd drive myself crazy facing the 4 walls in my room!

Being the sweethearts that they are, they met me up at Boiler Room in hopes of wanting to cheer me up! But surprisingly, my mood improved by leaps and I was entertaining them and making them LOL then mopping around! And Boy was everywhere crowded!!! My poor toes got trampled on like crazy!!! :(

More photos up soon! As soon as my gf sends them over! I promise!!! :)

It's gonna be mid-week Wednesday soon!!!

*SmiLes*

Life's LiL' Ironies...

2008-10-29T13:22:00.003+08:00

Is when you have time to reflect, you'd realise that the writings were on the wall way before the crux of the issues on hand exploded, like a ticking time bomb that was waiting to erupt on me...

I've since realised, and am admitting to the fact that I am still hurting over the very recent failed relationship. But, I am definitely taking tiny lil' steps in moving on, for this time around, the hurt is immensely far more hurtful than ever before...

I know that in time, I will be okay, I will be back to the silly me... In fact, some parts of me are back to the same old... Like how I randomly make jokes that made my gfs LOL and cried from laughing, how I am gushing over heels, and over that HOTTtt singer/performer at Boiler Room (At St James PowerStation, and much more gaga-ness was added when he sang Jay Chou!! *SwooNs* :P)

There are the times when I face my four walls, wondering why Life has to play such a twisted and cruel joke on me, to let someone so special come by my way, yet fade away after such a short time... How Life is an irony when all closest gfs are experiencing troubled times in their relationships... Yet, looking at them, I know in some ironic way, I am blessed...

Was he worth it? Could I see myself with him a couple of years down the road? Was it a blessing that the relationship had ended wayy before more ironies of Life came into the picture?

I am still searching for the answers, but yet, I know, at the end of the day, all these answers would not matter as I know that I am blessed... ...

I am blessed, for I have regained a quiet confidence that was sorely missing in the months that we were together - the irony of Life was that in order to make the other person happy, I seem to have lost that spark in me... I gave up being somewhat myself, just so that I could fit into his social life, and to fit into his image of what an ideal partner should be... Maybe because Life is now an independent one, I no longer have someone as a pillar of support and strength whenever I need a listening ear or just someone to be there... I have to be there for myself, and as well as family and friends who need me to be there for them...

I am blessed, for I have lovely family and friends who are there to comfort, and to laugh at my silly jokes and random nonsense... To listen whenever I am feeling down and jaded, and to offer their opinions, or just being there when I need them to be there...

I am blessed, for despite the workload and how I am stressed out with work, I have hilarious colleagues of other departments that allow me to rant about work to them, and they geniunely offer some advice, and how their silly jokes over tea during the tea breaks makes me laugh... For the free teas and coffees that they'd always buy for me, and how they'd call me just to remind me to knock off work earlier, by telling me that the ghosts of our office appears after 2100 hours (*LauGhs*) ... How they'd never fail to make me see things from a different angle, and how they have made me infamously famous within the walls of my office building... *Rolls eyes*

Life's greatest irony is that when the Love of my twenty-something years suddenly left me fending and facing all my greatest fears alone, I am somewhat sanguine-ly happy and , yet in a way, I am still in mourning over The End of our relationship...

Life's greatest irony is that... ...

Everybody Hurts sometimes... ...

"When your day is long ... and the night
the night is yours alone
when you think you've had enough... of this life, well hang on.

Don't let yourself go
cause everybody cries
and everybody hurts... sometimes.

Sometimes everything is wrong.
Now it's time to sing along.
When your day is night alone (hold on, hold on)
if you feel like letting go (hold on)
when you're sure you've had too much... of this life, well hang on.

cause everybody hurts... sometimes
Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts.

Don't blow your hand. Oh, no.
Don't blow your hand.
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you're not alone

If you're on your own... in this life,
the days and nights are long
when you sure you've had too much ... of this life, to hang on.

Well, everybody hurts sometimes, everybody cries.
Sometimes
And everybody hurts ... sometimes.

And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on.
Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on.

Everybody hurts.

You are not alone... ..."

Happy Birthday Daddy!! :)

2008-10-18T18:09:00.002+08:00

It's my dad's birthday today! :)

Instead of the usual LetsGoToARestaurant for a celebration, we celebrated by buying him heaps of Heineiken beers from the supermarket nearby, and we are all going to eat in tonight, Mummy's cooking so there was the bday celebrations...

Despite how much we've argued over the years, and how we were not on speaking terms for almost 8 years (i kid you not!), thank you Daddy for always being there in your own irritating (in a good way) ways, and for never failing to adore your lil' princess! :)

*HeaRts*

Off for a girlie's night out later tonight and I cannot wait!!! : It's been the only thing I've been looking forward to all week!!

:)

Random Night Out @ Ice Cold Beer

2008-10-15T21:05:00.004+08:00

With my colleagues of other departments and with their friends!

Cos pZ's apparently needs to maintain her "LiL' Miss Goody 2 heels (shoes)" image at work, and plus, I'm officially the youngest in my department, I do not have young colleagues to chill out with, and when that happens, plus when the office PC screws up on me and meaning having to reformat the PC = able to get off work early, I decided to join my colleagues who were already chilling by Peranakan Place's Ice Cold Beer...

I was so exhausted from the lack of sleep recently that I fell asleep after the shower...

And work today was a pretty stone-d morning, cos I normally do not function well in the mornings, plus, I had 5 bottles of Asahi-s sitting in my beer belly to begin with!!! 5 in 2 1/2 hours... Gosh!! And my colleagues were nice enough not to kiss and tell this morning when they came into office... *PHew*

I'm a smiley girlie today cos time flew by and I wore my fave red coloured earrings and a new skirt!! My colleagues were commenting that I've lost weight, which is good in a way cos I am determined to loose all that weight which I gained when I was attached and after my bad fall 2 months back! I hope to be able to go jogging soon! :)

Can't wait for the weekend to come!!! :) It's gonna be a all-girly night out at Loof, and hopefully I'd get to visit St James!!! :)

I kinda/wanna go "prawn-ing" too!! It's been eons since I went!!! :)

Today was a happy day cos the Big Boss is flying off to China for almost 2 weeks!! Yayy!!! Mices would play and not stay too late in office, i hope!!! (Unless she sends emails in wee hours with work deadlines.... :( )

pZ ish a happy girlie!!

*heaRts*

The weekend at Zouk. WineBar...

2008-10-14T00:30:00.005+08:00

Was an awesome night of the 3 of us, drinking beers, shots and cocktails as they were one for one all night long... :)

To cut the story short, cos I need my beauty sleep, which I haven't been getting much of, here are some of the pictures!!!

We're porbably heading off to Loof this coming Friday and I simply cannot wait!!! :)

*Crosses her fingers and hopes we'd go to St James's Boiler Room to see that cuteee singer really really soon!!!*

*HeaRts*

I'm slowly getting closure, I guess it's really over... I'm finally getting better...

2008-10-12T18:17:00.003+08:00

"Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.

What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.

And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.

And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.

And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.

And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.

And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.

'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,

I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.

And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.

Well I'm putting my heart back together,
'Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
i got over you... ..."

168 hours later...

2008-10-09T23:20:00.008+08:00

168 hours ago, he called me to end things...

We had met and had shared 5808 hours together, talking about our past, our present and our futures together...

In the 5808 hours which we spoke and shared together, he has made me laugh, cry, and made me experience the euphoria of Love that I have never ever felt before.

I thought that he was The One, and wasn't a "Mr. Right Now"...

I thought he was the Mr. Darcy that I had been looking for all these while; and that he was the man for the Bridget Jones in me...

I assumed that after all the shites I've been through, my prayers were answered when his hand first held mine...

The signs were always there on the wall, but I chose to ignore it, thinking that nobody's perfect, and that I should embrace everything about him openly, for everything he had experienced had made him into who he was, and that if a person loves another, she/he ought to love without passing judgements, without minding his past, for it merely made him who the person I had loved...

The 168 hours were really one hell of a emotional rollercoaster ride for me; I had to be strong for my mama, she was freakingly worried, but I'm glad she never ever fails to just listen, although there were tears in her eyes. I knew I worried her when I just cried my eyeballs out 168hours ago, when it was a lonng loonggg night for me...

With the passing of 168hours, I have cried alot, more than how I shed tears when previous relationships ended... I don't think I have cried that much ever before...

I struggled with normalcy by burying my emotions within work, yet the pressures of work caught up with me, and the memories of how he used to be just a sms or message away on MSN when I needed to rant added onto the pain... I lost count on the number of times I had wept silently at my workstation, knowing that I still had to stick the plastic smile on my face, for I couldn't let my emotions affect my work...

How the phone is achingly silent during lunchtime, when we would used to message each other about our daily lunches; How he would call me once he got off work... And how we would end the day by calling each other and talking about our daily routines, our lives and our aspirations, and going to sleep with a smile on my face, knowing that Love is around me...

I couldn't and didn't understand how Love, as he had claimed, could have just faded like that... I kept thinking if I wasn't good enough to him, whether I was too naggy, or that I had irritated him too much... Nights were restless and sleepless, and there were nights I just wept silently, trying to comprehend what exactly went wrong... ...

Family and Friends were there to rally around me with Love, they listened while I ranted, they said nice and not-too-nice things to me... I met up with friends whom I have not met up with for ages over non-alcoholic drinks, had conversations and ... ...

I laughed, it was one of those giggles that I haven't heard in a long long time... Kelvin said something about wanting me to stand in a corner over my supposed state of bimbotic-ness, and I pouted and laughed...

Suddenly, it all made sense to me... ...

It doesn't matter anymore thinking about the "Should haves, would haves, could haves..." It doesn't matter anymore that I should be worried if he has woken up, and whether he has taken his acne medication... It doesn't matter anymore that I ought to be concerned about him...

It doesn't even matter even whether some girls are in his KIV list of gf potentials, it doesn't even matter whether that I had sensed something wasn't right... It doesn't matter that we were not communicating anymore when the writing was on the wall... it doesn't matter if things ended the way it had ended cos he had another special person outside...

Truth to be told, I haven't been happy recently, I wasn't smiley, I was superbly frustrated, and I felt un-Loved by him... I assumed it was work and the pressures of Life that made us edgy...

Then I realised that Life is like a novel, with many many chapters. There are certain people whom one would like to have right until the end of the novel. However, as one grows and walks along the journey of Life, those people might not stay like how we wished... They affect individuals in different ways through their presence in some chapters of Life... But the story of Life would still have to go on; It'd just be another brand new chapter...

"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women are merely players. They have their exits and entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts..." (William Shakespeare - "As You Like it")

I've still got a long way ahead of me, and although I look back at the failed relationship knowing that no one is perfect and how I have made mistakes, I have realised that I am only human, and how I will never ever be perfect, and that I will always have imperfections...

I have learnt that I should never ever change myself into becoming someone I wasn't just so I could be at least be something close to his ideal of perfection... I should never ever disappear from my friends when I get into a relationship, and I should never ever forget that how, at the end of the day, it's my family and friends that keeps me sane and rooted, whom have seen me through my darkest days, and whom have always been there for me when I needed them for support...

That being said, I know I have issues to resolve on my own, and that it will be pZ back to her same old bimbotic and chirpy self in time... I would also need to spend time "dating" my books and notes for some tough papers ahead of me, and as well as figure out Life, and how I would want my Book of Life to be written in the chapters ahead of me...

I have no regrets knowing him, and for loving him in a way I have never ever loved before... He has taught me independence, patience and trust, amongst a whole lot of other things; But more importantly, he has taught me the real meaning of Love, and how sacred Love is and ought to be, and how I will be happily wishing those whom have gone through thick and thin, weal and woe and whom are still in Love with each other Luck and nothing but blissful days ahead, knowing that perhaps one day, someone imperfectly special would come along my way... ...

As for now, I intend to remain single, for a while, not because I am fearful of Love but simply because I am going back on track to the promise I had made to myself prior to meeting him... I would need to resolve some naggling issues that are within me on this solo journey of mine so that I would become a better person, not just for myself, but for my family and friends whom have been there for me... ...

To Eddy;

If you are reading this, I am thankful that I was once loved and cherished by you. I am sorry for taking you and the relationship for granted at times; it was never intentional. I am sorry for the times we argued and for making you frustrated over issues. I bear no hate nor hard feelings towards you. I wish you well, and thank you for the months of bliss and laughter when we were an item. Thank you for cheering me up when I was down, for being there when I needed a pillar of strength, for talking sense into me when I was irrationally unreasonable, but most importantly, Thank you for having once loved me... ....

168 hours later, with tears streaking down her face, pZ is smiley and seeing that the rainbow is there after the rain, and telling friends whom care that I will definitely get better in time... ...

*hEaRts*

"It's been the longest winter without you...
I didn't know where to turn to,
See somehow I can't forget you...
After all that we've been through...

Going coming;
Thought I heard a knock;
Who's there?
No one...
Thinking that I deserve it...
Now I realise that I really didn't know...
If you didn't notice you mean everything...

Quickly I'm learning to love again...
All I know is I will be ok...

Thought I couldn't live without you,
It's gonna hurt when it heals too,
It'll all get better in time...
And even though I really love you,
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to...
It'll all get better in time...

I couldn't turn on the TV,
Without something there to remind me...
Was it all that easy,
To just put aside your feelings?

If I'm dreaming don't wanna let
Hurt my feelings,
but that's the path I believe in;
And I know that time will heal it...
If you didn't notice;
Well, you meant everything,
Quickly I'm learning,
To love again...
All I know is I'm gonna be ok...

Thought I couldn't live without you,
It's gonna hurt when it heals too...
It'll all get better in time;
And even though I really love you,
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to,
It'll all get better in time...

Since there's no more you and me,
It's time I let you go
So I can be free...
And live my life how it should be,
No matter how hard it is,
I'll be fine without you... ...
Yes I will!

Thought I couldn't live without you,
It's gonna hurt when it heals too...
It'll all get better in time...
And even though I really loved you,
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to,
Yes I do!
It'll all get better in time..

Thought I couldn't live without you,
It's gonna hurt when it heals too...
It'll all get better in time...
And even though I really loved you,
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to,
Yes I do!
It'll all get better in time.. ..."

Jay Chou is back!! :)

2008-10-09T00:38:00.002+08:00

My Jay Chou is finally out with a new album!!!

This song is very un-Jay, cos his songs are usually more cool... But this time around, its more happy and relaxed...

Hearing him makes me H-A-P-P-Y!!

It's funny how I'd happen to be single for the past 3 years each time Jay releases an album...

For those whom are reading, pZ is slowly but surely walking on by... :)

*huGs* to all whom showed Love and Care!

*heaRts*

稻香

"对这个世界如果你有太多的抱怨,
跌倒了就不敢继续往前走.
为什麼人要这麼的脆弱堕落?

请你打开电视看看多少人为生命在努力勇敢的走下去,
我们是不是该知?
足珍惜一切,
就算没有拥有...

还记得你说家是唯一的城堡,
随著稻香, 河流继续奔跑...
微微笑,
小时候的梦我知道...

不要哭,
让萤火虫带著你逃跑,
乡间的歌谣, 永远的依靠,
回家吧,
回到最初的美好...

不要这麼容易就想放弃,
就像我说的, 追不到的梦想,
换个梦不就得了?

为自己的人生鲜艳上色,
先把爱涂上喜欢的颜色...

笑一个吧...
功成名就不是目的...
让自己快乐快乐...
这才叫做意义...

童年的纸飞机,
现在终於飞回我手里...

所谓的那快乐,
赤脚在田里追蜻蜓追到累了,
偷摘水果被蜜蜂给叮到怕了...
谁在偷笑呢?
我靠著稻草人, 吹著风唱著歌睡著...

哦哦午后吉它在虫鸣中更清脆...
哦哦阳光洒在路上就不怕心碎...

珍惜一切 , 就算没有拥有...

还记得你说家是唯一的城堡,
随著稻香, 河流继续奔跑,
微微笑,
小时候的梦我知道...

不要哭, 让萤火虫带著你逃跑...
乡间的歌谣, 永远的依靠...
回家吧,
回到最初的美好...

还记得你说家是唯一的城堡,
随著稻香, 河流继续奔跑,
微微笑,
小时候的梦我知道...

不要哭, 让萤火虫带著你逃跑...
乡间的歌谣, 永远的依靠...
回家吧,
回到最初的美好... ..."

男人女人 ...

2008-10-05T20:45:00.002+08:00

A song that I used to hum along to whenever we went to the usual pub, simply because I wasn't sure of the lyrics...

I remember him asking me to go learn this song, so that we could sing it as a duet the next time...

But now, everything's too late...

男人女人
許茹芸 & 阿穆隆

"爱爱爱爱了几回,
也明白其中滋味,
付出的从来不会等于收回...
我却还在等待着谁能出现 ?

伤伤伤伤了几回,
也曾经为爱憔悴,
爱情里好人总比坏人狼狈,
我却还是学不会狠心对谁...

男人男人,
多希望你是好人,
多希望用你的真,
让我不必再心疼...

女人女人,
我答应做个好人,
我答应用我一生...
来换你的快乐一生...

爱爱爱爱了几回,
也明白其中滋味.
付出的从来不会等于收回...
我却还在等待着谁能出现?

伤伤伤伤了几回,
也曾经为爱憔悴,
爱情里好人总比坏人狼狈...

我却还是学不会狠心对谁...

男人男人,
多希望你是好人,
多希望用你的真,
让我不必再心疼...

女人女人,
我答应做个好人,
我答应用我一生,
来换你的快乐一生...

男人男人,
多希望你是好人,
多希望用你的真,
让我不必再心疼 ...

女人女人,
我答应做个好人,

不会再让我（你）心疼...

一等再等你就是我等的那个人...

男人男人,
女人女人,
多么希望你是对的人..."

Emptiness....

2008-10-05T15:17:00.000+08:00

Read it here.

*siGh*

My Twinkle Little Northern Star...

2008-10-03T11:12:00.001+08:00

I once told him that Love is like the stars in the sky, they'd sometimes shine so brightly, yet sometimes, they'd disappear within a twinkle of an eye... Yet he told me that he would be my Northern Star, being my beacon of light that would shine upon me everytime I am lost...

I have lost him, like the twinkle stars in that dark blanket of skies, and although deep down within me I cannot bear to let him go, I know I have to... ...

In the darker shades of grey...

2008-10-03T09:39:00.003+08:00

He called yesterday, I had a feeling that the Love would call, knowing him, I knew he would, and for some unknown reason I kept glancing at the phone's clock, waiting for it to strike 11pm, a time he would usually call...

He did call, we talked, I cried until my ears and nose hurt, but the hurt seemed to pale in contrast with the pain in my heart...

He said it's officially over, for he doesn't have the feelings for me anymore...

Maybe I'd understand better one of these days as to the causes, but...

I really don't wanna let go...

We just allowed the relationship to take a nosedive from the good to the worst; We hardly really communicated for he doesn't wanna hurt me or make me sad/angry, and so did I. We just bottled things up, and then like a Coke bottle that refuses to contain all the liquid and gases anymore, it all came to a downward spiral...

I am devasted, for it was the first time that I had felt such intense happiness, and yet, it's all coming to an end.

I'm honestly lost, it's as though my heart has been broken into billions of tiny pieces, and knowing myself, I know I would never be the same ol' me again...

He's gone, but he wants us to remain as friends. And honestly, for the first time in my love relationships, I really do want us to be there for each other as friends, depsite the fact that I want something more, yet he can't for he doesn't feel the same way anymore. Knowing myself, when my previous relationships ended, one of the very first things I'd say to the other party is for him to stop contacting me, for I feel that it's pointless remaining as friends after all that we've been through...

I don't know if he wants us to remain friends is just so to make me feel better, or that it would be comforting for him to be able to know that someone would be there to listen to him, and just cheer him up on those bluesy days... Or that it's just talk, and that we wouldn't remain in contact after some time...

I gave us a chance, I gave my all; and looking back, the only regret that I have is that I no longer have the chance to spend my days and nights growing with him on the long life journey ~ I can only look from afar and hope he is truly happy for we're no longer together...

I usually am able to move on and pull my socks up pretty quickly, but I highly doubt I'd be able to this time around; it's as though a literal part of me just died and although some might say that it's the early days, and how I'd get over him after finding closure with time, I know that I can't, having known that I contributed to allowing the best thing ever in my Life slip away...

Yet, I surrender, simply because I respect him and still, in all honesty, love him alot... But sometimes, loving someone means letting him go and not seeing himself be so unhappy and suffering. I thought that he was being selfish by telling me harshly that he doesn't have feelings for me anymore. But facing the 4 walls of my room and thinking things through, I realised that if it makes him happier (for I cannot bear to see him sad), then I will take a step back, and allow him to be happy.

Nothing's fair in this world, and we don't usually get what we want all the time. He has given me far too much in Life and through these past 8 months of bliss that it's finally time for me to give something back in return.

Having time alone, without any forms of contact and communication with him for 2 days have only made me realise that I do love him alot, and I really do want to grow old with him, make him laugh, and see that smile on his face everyday. But if I am the root cause of his misery, and that I am the reason that is making him stop smiling, I will sacrifice to see that sunny dimpled smile back on his face again.

The sound of his laughter is somewhere near, his snores the comfort I'd terribly miss hearing while dozing off, and the look on his face when he sees a cockroach, and how I would miss his hand holding mine tightly, telling me that things would be okay...

With very breathe I take, his scent lingers... ... ...

Like what you've said a long time ago, you have slowly crept into my heart, and the billion little pieces would never be the same again...

Thank you for being my twinkle Northern Star!! :)

If you are reading this, I really wish you well!

"I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cried
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart,
I'm missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it ok

I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do,
reminds me of you,
and the clothes you left, that lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
And When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
And When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it ok

(I miss you )

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah yeah
And all I ever wanted was for you to know
everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me Yeah...

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
And When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
And When you're gone
The words I need to hear, will always get me through the day
And make it ok

I miss you..."

Alot to say but nothing seems to matter now...

2008-10-01T21:50:00.002+08:00

Shite happened over the holidays of Hari Raya Puasa, and the Love and I had a major tiff about me bottling things up and then pushing him away, and me being at extreme ends of the mood swings...

I dunno if he's reading this, but I've missed you, terribly...

Absence can either make the heart grow fonder, or become an out of sight, out of mind situation... ...

I really hope its the former...!

I know nothing I say can turn back time, I know I shouldn't have just taken you, your feelings and us for granted...

All I can hope for now is for a response come the start of this weekend...

Somehow, a huge part of me dread this coming weekend, for shite might happen, or that we start another chapter either as individuals/strangers, or back as one...

Baby, if you're reading this, I truly am sorry, there's so much to say...

I don't want us to be apart, neither do I want us to part....

You've been the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I know I've screwed things up along the way... ...

All I can seek is for a chance, and your forgiveness, and for us to pick up from where we left off...

Baby, I am really sorry!! *PuLLs Ears*

I truly miss you... ... ...

:'-(

Wishing it was still the weekend...

2008-09-15T00:37:00.005+08:00

It's gonna be a rambled update as I'm pretty exhausted, and Ive got work + school = a long day ahead tomorrow, and it being Monday = Bluesy day...

Oh well...

For all those whom have sent love and concern via SMS-es and over MSN, thank you for the concern - I'm still, unfortunately limping slightly, and stairs are a nightmare still... There are the moments when I feel the knee going to buckle on me anytime... Thank Gawd for railings on stairs, lifts, and obviously everyone's love all around. They make sure my knee's properly settled in public places before they take their seats, and Sweet Bubbles was absolutely sweet in waiting for me while climbing that horrendously lonnnggg flight of stairs over coffee last Friday, and how she would patiently wait for me to be done in the loo... :)

I feel blessed to have wonderful friends like her around, so much so that I feel guilty/somewhat bad that I haven't been in regular contact... :( ... I'm always surprised on how tight a bond we have despite not meeting up regularly due to the busy schedules, I just wished that I had a tighter bond with the rest that were present.. I always seemed to be the one looking at things from the outside when we were in school together... But I truly appreciate them for inviting me out...

*Photos to be uploaded soon! I promise!*

This weekend was the traditional Mooncake Festival, and BabyLove and I went mooncake shopping for my parents and his aunt... I guess it has got to do with the gloom over the current global situation - inflations, political instability and what-nots, the mooncake varieties were surprisingly less compared to last year's, and not having Hainanese mooncakes was a tad bit disappointing... :(

What was even more disappointing was how Manchester United surendered an early lead at the Kop's... Drats!!!! :(

What I really yearn for at this point in time is that I really wish for more time to be able to get my personal stuff done... School stuff has taken a step back with the piling workload... I don't dislike my job, I just don't find immense satisfaction from it, probably because in the huge corporation, I am merely a digit, an employee id number, and nothing significant... The colleagues are nice and all, it's just the work that is wearing me down...

The big boss is apparently impressed with my performance while my Superior was on holiday that she has tasked me some major duties which aren't part of my job scope... If you were in my shoes, would it be fair to be given more job responsibilities (on top of the never-ending daily routines), without giving greater power at the workplace to be able to make decisions? And not getting any pay increament for that matter? (-_-")

I wished for more time to be able to get my ever-messy hair snipped... I wished for more time to rest so that my knee would heal - the wound isn't closing, and I'm honestly worried...Sometimes the pain gets so unbearable, but I still have to grit my teeth and bear with the pain to get the work done... (-_-") I wished that the knee would heal so I can get back to jogging... It doesn't help that I am expanding sideways as time goes by...Hurhur..! :(

I wished that Monday wouldn't come so soon...

Drats, it's already Monday!! :(

The Love's Post Birthday Weekend Celebrations Thoughts...

2008-09-14T23:31:00.009+08:00

Last weekend was spent over a very dilapidated chalet for BabyLove's birthday celebrations... Shopping with him for the birthday BBQ necessities wasn't as bad as I had thought - BabyLove was surprisingly not that irritated or frustrated as I thought he would be.. :) Maybe it has got to do with the fact that he's getting older... *LauGhs*

Predictably, he got drunk on the 1st night of the weekend itself... To see him puking and all was a lil' worrying, as I knew how bad the hangover would be come the next day. I didn't get alot of rest since the beds were all taken up by his bunch of friends, I only managed to catch some shut-eye for only about 1 hour... Darn the hard liquors! (I tend to have a immune system against hard liquor + beer...) I woke up to the fresh post-rain scent in the air in a very uncomfy position in a very uncomfy chair, with a knee that seemed to hurt a lil' more than usual throughout the night... I just wished that somehow, his friends could have been a wee bit more considerate, I mean, I can't complain since I was the one that fell, and I can't fault anyone but myself for getting stitched up... But, I just wished that they had left the Love a decent place to at least get some rest... Poor BabyLove had to settle himself on the cold hard floor and had a terrible throbbing headache from the drinks and the lack of proper rest the next day... I just wished that his friends were more understanding, but I guess that most beings, in general, are self-protective by nature and I alone, cannot change the world... *Jaded smile*

I was the busybee, rushing back home (Since it's a 3 bus stop's ride away from my place) while everyone else was busy getting a tan in the pool, doing up the curry for the birthday barbeque and getting the pasta done... Had to pick up the cake and macarons as well and I had no idea how I managed to pull it together with less than 1 hour's worth of sleep + a limping knee... Hahs! Thank Gawd that Mummy was around to hep me out! :)

The sudden rain midway through the festivities dampened the mood, or at least mine... Seeing BabyLove's friend spilling the box of macarons made me real pissed off, and I was honestly at my tipping point, but I just had to do the PR thingy and smile... I just wished his friends would be less nonchalant about stuff, but then again, it wasn't his birthday... ... I guess I'd not volunteer nor lift a finger unless they ask should there be another celebration for one of the friends...

I just wished and hoped that BabyLove enjoyed himself... It wasn't as great as I had imagined it to be, coupled with the sudden heavy downpour, but I hope he was happy...

With that being said, I was somewhat disappointed over his reaction over his birthday present. Truth to be told, I had wanted to get him a decent-looking briefcase since he has been looking for one. I had been doing the research, rushing out during days when I finally can leave work earlier to look at some briefcases, and limping out on days when I was supposedly to be resting at home to source for a nice-looking briefcase... I was disappointed when he said that I shouldn't had spent so much, and he assumed that I had wanted to buy something so costly as a measurement/value of him to me...

Truth to be told, I wasn't planning on sticking to a budget for BabyLove as my ex partner of 3 years had always made sure he stuck to his $100 birthday gift budget for me, which was always depressing; for all I got birthday and Christmas presents that were shitty/crappy, (with the exception of the MP3 player that I had demanded during one of the Christmas...) and I always had to look on in envy at my friend's presents from their significant others... I still remember how he had told me proudly that he had not exceeded his $100 budget into buying me a stainless steel necklace for my birthday, and how he even managed to haggle a 10% discount for the present... Imagine! I was only worthy of a stainless steel necklace, nothing more than those cutlery one would use for their dinners... *Shakes Head* I don't even wanna get started on the other ex partner that gave me a pack of lies and my all-time fave "IT" bag that turned out to be nothing more than a fake like him... *Shakes Head again*

I just didn't want anyone, especially the Love to feel disappointed to feel that he is measured by a number/budget of a certain kind... All I wanted was for him to have a memorable birthday...

I never have budgets for presents for the significant people in my life that matters, it's always a case of quality over quantity... I naturally didn't want that for the Love, and since his current briefcase was somewhat in a bad state of things, I spent on getting him something more durable and in my opinion, what he wanted in terms of design and I thought he would get alot more mileage from receiving something he would be using on an alomost daily basis than to get something that he would place in a forgotten corner a few months down the road...

To get mocked at by his friend over this weekend over drinks was a little too much to handle... At that very moment, I questioned myself if I am doing the correct thing by getting a present which I thought he would really appreciate... I guess the problem is that I don't feel that he appreciates the effort, which I am tad disappointed about... =I

What would you have done had you been in my shoes?

Do you have a budget for a gift for someone of special significance to you?

Is getting a pricey gift as a birthday present for that Special Someone, in your own opinion, measured by how long a couple has been together, or by a budget? Or would all of these issues not be considering factors for you?

*tHinKs*

Since my last entry...

2008-08-29T16:12:00.005+08:00

I am officially certified older, but still Forever 21! :P
My direct superior at work has quit, which explains the stress, pimples, eyebags, and the lack of updates... (my bad, i know! :P )
I have taken the exams for my second semester, and am angry with myself for forgetting the format of a certain formula... There goes probably 10% of my marks... HurHur... :/
Gained weight, lost some, and then gained the pounds back from far too many beers and chocolates!!! (-_-")
Went clubbing but didnt hit the dancefloors cos I was dead tired from work... (A miracle, coming from me, I must say! Hahs! :P )
Realised how much I have missed the MaiTais and Lychee Martinis of "Our Playground" from my fave bartender!!
Miss the taste of hard liquor on the rocks or with green tea..., and obviously Baileys with mint green tea! :P
Am depressed to read that Bellini Room at St James Powerstation would be making way for a sister outlet for Mandopop Dragonfly, called Firefly {Smart branding strategy for Dennis Foo's targeted segment, I must say. At least it has connotations of where the targeted segment used to have tea dances and parties at, and it's easy to spell than the other names of the other 7 outlets in St James. Try getting the AhBengs to spell "Modiva", and who knows? They might come up with something along the lines of a Hokkien expletive with acroymns of "KNN" (Go figure. :P )}. Bellini Room is apparently moving to the old Crazy Horse venue along Clarke Quay, and now catering to a far more sophiscated, read into the finer lines, more moo-lah to spend crowd... :(
Had not been the Shoe Princess that I am, for I have not been shopping much recently...
Bumped into the ex significant other with his very pregnant wife in tow (whom has apparently since given birth {Pity the wifey!}), and having the last laugh of things, cos I am confident to say that I have made the correct decision almost 2 years ago.
Not appreciating the fact that the other former partner had sent me text messages, asking how I am doing ~ I am obviously doing much better without liars like him in my life! Hahs! :P
Had a recent nasty fall (just last week, in fact), had 2 stitches at the A&E department of a local hospital, and am relishing the last moments of the week long absence from work... (Will spare you guys the agony of the bloody pics... :P )
Am happy that the parents are receptive to BeBe, and have "Parents Approved" our relationship... :)
Am toying with switching courses and to a totally new institution to save on school fees, and obviously, time...
Am looking forward to sashimi and sushi date with Baby Love later this evening.
Looking forward to the Love's birthday celebrations over next weekend!
Looking forward to a hopefully great working relationship with the new superior, and keeping my fingers crossed for less OT, more pZ time.
Looking forward to blogging more.

I'm back! :)

*HeaRts*

The Forever 21 birthday...

2008-06-02T12:56:00.003+08:00

Is today!!! =)

Had a pre-bday celebrations over the last weekend with Baby Love over random places in SG...

Because Baby Love's bestie's maternal granny passed on and went to a better place, and since being Chinese means it is inauspicious for a birthday girlie to attend a funeral... So Baby Love and I just went for a Japanese dinner and he had to attend his bestie's funeral wake...

Saturday saw him springing a surprise on me by showing up with a PINK lychee martini cake!!

He is just such a sweetheart, for it meant not sleeping really well just to rush to somewhere rather remote and early (for him, early during weekends = Anything before 11am... *LauGhs*) to just pick up the cake! All the while I thought he was asleep... :P

We went for dinner just downstairs of his place (Not very romantic, i know... But its the company that matters more than the venue! I honestly get overwhelmed at posh-nosh dinning places that uses different cutlery for each course!)... And then we went drinking with his band of brothers at their usual drinking place...

I swear to Gawd I could have gotten drunk, but I guess everyone decided to "spare me" the madness of puking all over the place...

We were supposed to go for dinner-cum- celebrations yesterday, but the Love somehow got a really bad tummy upset that plans were shelved and we ate something simple...

(Afterall, it's the company, and not the venue that matters!)

To all the lovely darlings whom remembered my birthday and sent me greetings and well-wishes via SMS, MMS, or MSN ~ I appreciate the fact that you all remembered and bothered! I truly appreciate it and I am extremely happy! :)

*More updates and photos to be uploaded soon!*

*HeaRts*

I am Forever 21!!!!

=)

When... ...

2008-05-07T14:55:00.002+08:00

Insecurity rears its ugly head, I tend to freak out at the insignificants and loathe myself...

I saw his eyes when he walked past her house, his gaze lingered for more than a second, I didn't flip or freak out there and then, but I uttered a silent prayer, hoping that it was merely the lack of lightings playing its tricks on my eyes... But he said it out loud that he would glance over as it was a habit of his...

I honestly hate it when they have had 8 years together, and Im sure there were some happy memories shared, despite how he says he doesn't recall happy memories...

Whereas for us, we don't even have half a year!! (>.<")

I hate comparisons and I loathe how the green-eyed monster is consuming me whole...

The nightmare that night after just merely added onto the green-ness of it all...

Darn insecurity!!!!

Hmm... Crossroads...

2008-05-02T01:39:00.003+08:00

"The road to happiness lies in two simple principles: find what it is that interests you and that you can do well, and when you find it, put your whole soul into it - every bit of energy and ambition and natural ability you have."

John D. Rockefeller III

But what if circumstances does not allow an individual the application of the 2 simple principles? Meaning which, the interest and passion is there, but the individual is unable to devote the entire soul, energy and ambition to it?

I hate uncertainties, and after meeting my Hunny Bee, and knowing that he's the best thing that has ever happened to me thus far in my life, I wanna be more grounded and stable, not just for myself, but for us and for a better future ahead... That is one very thing that I am certain of and about...

Which is why, sometimes, I wonder if I always adore, and have the bad habit of having far too much on my plate platter than I can handle!

*SiGh*

On a lighter note altogether, it's exactly a month to my birthday!!

*sMiLes*

My current birthday wish-list thus far is for Hunny Bee and moi to be as happy and as loving as we are, and for my loved ones to be happy, and of course... ...

A PINK lychee martini birthday cake!!

[Link]

(And for me to remain a forever youthful 21 year old! Hahs! =P)

*LauGhs*

Brimming with happy-ness!

2008-04-28T02:53:00.004+08:00

The weekend flew by and Friday night was spent chilling over yummy fish n chips and Erdingers at Timbre with the lovely people from work...

Im finally free!!!!! =)

(no pics as yet, but hope to get some uploaded soon!)

Moving onto new pastures (perhaps greener, maybe the opposite...), but whatever the case is, I've realised, while having a conversation over lunch with my senior manager, that he is able to work with my boss, but working directly under her is an impossible no-no for him...

It struck a chord within me, for it was more of her, and her most-of-the-time ridiculous and weird demands that made me throw in the towel wayy faster than expected... I wasn't learning as much as I had expected myself to, and to make myself happier and having decided being wiser means having to have more stability in life, it was time to find something I could forsee myself doing for the next 2 years or even longer, and enjoying the things that I do in return for my shoe fund...

The Sweetie Bee and I have had what seems like countless of discussions and talks about my impending new career switch, where both he and I knew that I would be kept busy with the new demands of the new job... With the 2 of us liking things being as they are, it would mean bringing the relationship to an entirely new level, where he has got to become a superbly understanding Sweetheart to understand the irregular working hours and demands of my new job. But I reckon it would be something that I forsee myself enjoying, although Im saying this with my fingers crossed, for the grass would always seem to be greener on this side and we'd never know the true shade of colour the grass really is until we have crossed over to the other side...

Without a doubt Im certain that anyone in his shoes would freak out at the irregular hours and the amount of time we would be seeing less of each other ~ I am sure that I would get all freaked out and overwhelmed with the platter on my plate when the plate gets filled up... But Dearie, if u are reading this (and I know you would! :P ), all I wanna say is I am truly appreciative and grateful for the support and I apologise in advance if I do say things that would irritate or hurt you ~ it was never intentional, it's just me being stressed up and all... I am uncertain of how the new job would really entail, but do bear with me, and place your faith in me! =)

You'd always be my #1 priority!

=)

The weekend was mostly spent with him, accompanying him during his revision for his upcoming examinations this coming week while I entertained myself with episodes of "The Family Guy" on his MP3 player and my attempts to get some reading for school done...! I did hope I wasn't too much of an irritant while he memorised all the I.T. jargons and what-nots for the exams! :P

Hang in there Baby! =)

*HeaRts*

And like what tyw had posted on my message board ~ "diabetes alert!!"

*LauGhs*

The Sweetie Bee has gotta be the first person to irritate me to tears by teasing me relentlessly about something while he was taking a break from his revision, but admist the tears that were rolling down my eyes, he made me smile the very next instant! How on earth is he able to do that I totally have no idea! But I just simply adores the way he adores me!! =)

Je 'taime Baby!

"I like the feel of your name on my lips,
And I like the sound of your sweet gentle kiss...
The way that your fingers run through my hair;
And how your scent lingers even when you're not there...

And I like the way your eyes dance when you laugh,
And how you enjoy your two-hour bath...
And how you've convinced me to dance in the rain,
With everyone watching like we were insane...

But I love the way you love me...
Strong and wild, slow and easy...
Heart and soul so completely...
I love the way you love me...

And I like the sound of old R 'n' B...
And you roll your eyes when I'm sloppily off key...
And I like the innocent way that you cry,
At sappy old movies you've seen thousands of times...

But I love the way you love me...
Strong and wild, slow and easy...
Heart and soul so completely...
I love the way you love me...

(So listen to me now..)
And I could list a million things,
I love to like about you...
But they all come down to one reason - I could never live without you..

But I love the way you love me...
Strong and wild, slow and easy...
Heart and soul so completely...
I love the way you love me...

I love the way that you love me... "

Study hard for the exams Baby! =]

I'm always there to de-stress you by irritating you! =P

*sMiLes*

sMiLes

2008-04-21T23:39:00.008+08:00

I haven't died or anything, but Ive just been terribly busy being a juggler - Trying to add onto the shoe fund of mine with something mundane called work and something to try to further improve my shoe fund's coffers with something else called school...

There's a tiny lil' thing called falling in Love as well...

Love came totally unexpected;
I swear to everything and anything out there that I wasn't looking for anyone special cos Life was at a major dramatic changing point in my life... I was so bloody determined to remain single, enjoy singlehood and all the benefits that came along with it, like not having to "report" to another person of your whereabouts, establish my career while juggling my studies...blah blah blah... ... You get my drift... :P

Somehow, it just feels right this time... ...

No pretenses, no lies...

(My 1 and only bouquet from the serial cheater of yester-years... I believe the bouquet was bought cos he was cheating on me with dunno how many girls outside and he felt guilty... My 6th sense still believes that this wasn't the only bouquet he bought on that Valentine's day... Men..!
I was so silly to be so hopelessly devoted to such an arse of a guy!
In my heart I kept hoping he'd change to become a better person, but I guess leopards would never ever change their spots...
Just don't ask the silly me why I didn't walk away then...
*LauGhs*
But I am glad that I did walk away in the end... )

no suspicions, no hurt, no petty little spats about the insignificances...

(From the ex whom had to lie and lie about everything... I guess it all boils down to insecurity... For all the riches that his family have, he was still insecure about anything and everything, so much so that it was unbearable...
The funniest thing was that in my heart I knew that we weren't gonna last...
Perhaps that was the reason why he just stopped trying when that facade of his began to crack after far too many lies...)

The connection that we share is amazingly special and he still manages to make my heart skip a beat everytime I see him...Plus, he reads me like an open book and despite his sarcasm and how he'd relentlessly tease me, he still manages to put smiles on my face, despite him being annoyingly lovable most of the time... =)

Call it the "honeymoon period syndrome" or whatsoever term people have for the warm fuzzy feelings I have for Him...

Whatever the case is, Im truly deliriously happy, and I haven't felt that way in a long long time... ...

And to me, happy-ness is what matters! =)

To my dearest friends whom are dying to meet him or are dying to see his pictures... My lil' bee doesn't own a Friendster/Facebook account, so it's pointless trying to figure which one's my lil' bee... =P

All I can say is... ...
Love truly comes when one least expects it! =)

Somehow, somewhere along the line... ...

He stole my heart, truly, completely and madly...

Happy Monthniversary Hunny!

WeeEEeeeeee...!

Absolutely and accidentally in Love!

Jetaime!

*HeaRts*

In shades of grey and pink...

Who Ever Loved, That Loved Not at First Sight?

*sMiLes*

Take a Bow - Curtain's finally closing...

Take a bow - I gave him love, All he gave me was pretense...

Take A Bow, When you get to the part, Where you're breaking my heart...

The End marks A New Beginning...

SORRY! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!

Hope Floats...

The Failure in Striving for Perfection...

“Lovers and madmen have such seething brains, such shaping fantasies, that apprehend more than cool reason ever comprehends.”

Sighs (but it doesn't go away) the Irony of Doube Standards...

Is Bothered about the Unexplainables...

P.D.A. (We Just Don't Care)...

FireHouse - When I Look Into Your Eyes...

To Forgive and Forget...

The Gift of ♥ !

Fever-ed and LoveSick!

From the Heart of this LiL' Girl's...

The Status Update...

A Tiny Little Spark...

Just Once - James Ingram

It's been a year...

“Keep on beginning and failing. Each time you fail, start all over again, and you will grow stronger until you have accomplished a purpose - not the one you began with perhaps, but one you'll be glad to remember.”

“People seldom see the halting and painful steps by which the most insignificant success is achieved.”

~ Anne Sullivan

*Snip sNip*

A Sporadic Update...

阴天...

Looking Forward --> February!

The Lunar New Year 0f 2009...

14 days on... ...

New Year, New Beginnings... ...

Year 2008 in quarterly reflections...

The Christmas Longgg Weeekend!

On the 6th day to Christmas...

11 days to Christmas, 18 days to 2009...

放手了。。。自由了。。。！自由万岁！

Mission Jakarta!

On a Hiatus...

Perfection...

Men spending $12,000 a year on women - News

Photos from the past weekends...

Life's LiL' Ironies...

Happy Birthday Daddy!! :)

Random Night Out @ Ice Cold Beer

The weekend at Zouk. WineBar...

I'm slowly getting closure, I guess it's really over... I'm finally getting better...

168 hours later...

Jay Chou is back!! :)

男人女人 ...

Emptiness....

My Twinkle Little Northern Star...

In the darker shades of grey...

Alot to say but nothing seems to matter now...

Wishing it was still the weekend...

The Love's Post Birthday Weekend Celebrations Thoughts...

Since my last entry...

The Forever 21 birthday...

When... ...

Hmm... Crossroads...

Brimming with happy-ness!

*sMiLes*

sMiLes

Snip sNip

sMiLes