Since that phone call over the weekend which was probing me of whom was the person I was so busily distracted from yakking over the phone, where I was so un-like my usual self, sounding very distant while making sure that the curry that I was cooking wouldn't be burnt... I still have the SMS from that phonecaller, whom was asking for whom I was trying to be a "gud housewife" to...
I've never really told anyone, but it was that very same weekend which was the last time that I cried myself to sleep, surrounded by acquaintances I had barely knew, where with a bandaged knee, having the cold hard floor as my company... I had no shoulder to cry on, no one whom comforted, with only the sound of the waves along East Coast Beach for company... I had wanted to walk home alone at 4am, lay on my bed, and just cover myself in the sheets and just cry it out... But I feared that my Mummy would worry about why I was home when I said I would be out for the weekend, and how upset I had been... I didn't want her to worry... :(
The so-called ♥ was asleep soundly, surrounded by his buddies of decades, where no one even bothered to give up some resting place for me, whom had a recently operated knee that was still in pain...
But the hurt had somehow paled in comparison to the hurt that I had felt in my heart... You knew my knee was hurting as it hadn't fully recovered from my operation at the hospital, yet you chose to hush me than to tell your friends to let me have the bed at the chalet...
I've never really told anyone, but it was that very same weekend which was the last time that I cried myself to sleep, surrounded by acquaintances I had barely knew, where with a bandaged knee, having the cold hard floor as my company... I had no shoulder to cry on, no one whom comforted, with only the sound of the waves along East Coast Beach for company... I had wanted to walk home alone at 4am, lay on my bed, and just cover myself in the sheets and just cry it out... But I feared that my Mummy would worry about why I was home when I said I would be out for the weekend, and how upset I had been... I didn't want her to worry... :(
The so-called ♥ was asleep soundly, surrounded by his buddies of decades, where no one even bothered to give up some resting place for me, whom had a recently operated knee that was still in pain...
But the hurt had somehow paled in comparison to the hurt that I had felt in my heart... You knew my knee was hurting as it hadn't fully recovered from my operation at the hospital, yet you chose to hush me than to tell your friends to let me have the bed at the chalet...
***
You knew I had wanted your presence just before I had my operation at the hospital, but there you were, lying in the comforts of your room, giving me a live commentary of what was showing on National Geographic... I remembered you rambling on about how some African tribe was performing some ritual...
I also remembered telling the doctor to give me a stronger dosage of the general anaesthesia as I laid on the operating table... I had told the doctor that it was too painful for me to bear; I knew I was lying ~ it was the hurt from your nonchalance and the emptiness I had felt that hurt more than the wound on my knee...
Every single day, I am reminded by your heartlessness when I look at the bump on my knee, yet, at the very next moment, I am reminded of how what hadn't and doesn't kill would merely make me become a stronger girl...
***
Instead of coming over to comfort me as I had blatantly asked of you when I was really sick from a high fever, you merely nonchalantly told me to drink more water and hung up the phone as your friends were waiting for you at the gym, and you didn't want to keep them from waiting...
How could you be so heartless?
How could you simply just take me for granted and only be around when you needed cheering up when you get all emo over your family or work matters, or how you needed financial support in the form of drinking funds for the weekends?
I remembered the argument we had over nonsensicals; I merely had just wanted and wished for you to be honest with me. I had already told you how I cannot endure lies for I have had endured far too many lies in my past relationships... Yet you had to betray the trust that I had in you...
How could you?
You have a very complicated past and family whom lied constantly and yet you lied to the so-called person you had claimed to love?
What a load of bollocks!
Pure bullshite!!
You didnt even filch nor stop me when I took a cigarette from your pack of Marbolos and lighted up that very weekend a year ago... It started to drizzle, then came the pouring thunderstorm; But the strong gusts of winds could never compare to how cold my heart had felt...
It took me 4 months to kick that habit of lighting up whenever I had thought of you... I had never liked smoking, but yet I had became a slave to the addiction, just because I had wanted some attention of any sorts from a man that don't deserve my ♥, my time, nor my efforts...
I remembered how I got so drunk because of you, hugging a gf while crying over someone who don't deserve any of my Love, whom I had wasted so much time, effort and money over...
I was a happy girl and then you had to come along and wreck the happiness and optimism in me... I am now back in a happy place, surrounded by family and friends whom care; but deep within me I know that once a heart has been broken into pieces, it will never ever be the same again...
As the strong gusts of winds blow like how it blew exactly a year ago as I type this, I remind myself to never ever allow myself to be taken for granted by another person ever again, and to never ever cry over a man who don't deserve ME...
And to the Special friend whom sms-ed me that weekend a year ago ~ No, the curry didn't get burnt, although his so-called friends said it wasn't yummy; but yet they finished the whole pot...
*Cynic Smile*
I really do appreciate the ♥, care and concern that my Special friend have showered upon me from miles away for so many many years... I have no idea of how you have the knack for calling or sms-ing me when I always am feeling blue; and I cannot tell you enough times of how appreciative I am for those calls and sms-es... It really means alot to me! :)
I am now stronger and have succeeded in being a happier person!
♥
I also remembered telling the doctor to give me a stronger dosage of the general anaesthesia as I laid on the operating table... I had told the doctor that it was too painful for me to bear; I knew I was lying ~ it was the hurt from your nonchalance and the emptiness I had felt that hurt more than the wound on my knee...
Every single day, I am reminded by your heartlessness when I look at the bump on my knee, yet, at the very next moment, I am reminded of how what hadn't and doesn't kill would merely make me become a stronger girl...
***
Instead of coming over to comfort me as I had blatantly asked of you when I was really sick from a high fever, you merely nonchalantly told me to drink more water and hung up the phone as your friends were waiting for you at the gym, and you didn't want to keep them from waiting...
How could you be so heartless?
How could you simply just take me for granted and only be around when you needed cheering up when you get all emo over your family or work matters, or how you needed financial support in the form of drinking funds for the weekends?
I remembered the argument we had over nonsensicals; I merely had just wanted and wished for you to be honest with me. I had already told you how I cannot endure lies for I have had endured far too many lies in my past relationships... Yet you had to betray the trust that I had in you...
How could you?
You have a very complicated past and family whom lied constantly and yet you lied to the so-called person you had claimed to love?
What a load of bollocks!
Pure bullshite!!
You didnt even filch nor stop me when I took a cigarette from your pack of Marbolos and lighted up that very weekend a year ago... It started to drizzle, then came the pouring thunderstorm; But the strong gusts of winds could never compare to how cold my heart had felt...
It took me 4 months to kick that habit of lighting up whenever I had thought of you... I had never liked smoking, but yet I had became a slave to the addiction, just because I had wanted some attention of any sorts from a man that don't deserve my ♥, my time, nor my efforts...
I remembered how I got so drunk because of you, hugging a gf while crying over someone who don't deserve any of my Love, whom I had wasted so much time, effort and money over...
I was a happy girl and then you had to come along and wreck the happiness and optimism in me... I am now back in a happy place, surrounded by family and friends whom care; but deep within me I know that once a heart has been broken into pieces, it will never ever be the same again...
As the strong gusts of winds blow like how it blew exactly a year ago as I type this, I remind myself to never ever allow myself to be taken for granted by another person ever again, and to never ever cry over a man who don't deserve ME...
And to the Special friend whom sms-ed me that weekend a year ago ~ No, the curry didn't get burnt, although his so-called friends said it wasn't yummy; but yet they finished the whole pot...
*Cynic Smile*
I really do appreciate the ♥, care and concern that my Special friend have showered upon me from miles away for so many many years... I have no idea of how you have the knack for calling or sms-ing me when I always am feeling blue; and I cannot tell you enough times of how appreciative I am for those calls and sms-es... It really means alot to me! :)
“Keep on beginning and failing. Each time you fail, start all over again, and you will grow stronger until you have accomplished a purpose - not the one you began with perhaps, but one you'll be glad to remember.”
“People seldom see the halting and painful steps by which the most insignificant success is achieved.”
~ Anne Sullivan
I am now stronger and have succeeded in being a happier person!
♥
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