Many a times, we've all been hurt on the Journey of Love, sometimes we get our hearts dented, sometimes we get our hearts slightly chipped in the corners, yet sometime, our hearts get completely shattered until we decide we can never become whole again, and how we close ourselves up to Love and its opportunities...
I once had my heart completely shattered, for the
ASSHOLE in question was constantly up to no good, misbehaving and abusing the trust I had in him by sleeping around, ONS, Flings, u name it, he's done it... Married women, SYT (Sweet Young Things), old women whom were old enough to be his mum, women at brothels, women at sleazy karaoke joints -- You name it, he's done it...
I gave up a degree, gave up the opportunity of a lifetime to travel and see the world, whilst getting paid to serving coffee, tea and hot towels (LOL~), gave up my friends, and was so-close to losing my own family, my sanity and my Life...
For close to 3 years, I put up with his overbearing ways, his nonsensical rants, and how he came begging, crying on his knees for forgiveness, telling me he would change... I forgave him each and every time, for in the heart of mine back then, I hoped deep down he had meant what he has said, but each time, he broke my heart, even more... He did change, but for the worse; Until one day I realised that Leopards never ever would change their spots, not even with the Power of Love!
I then went on a self-destructive train wreck, where I got into a rebound relationship, where I had no feelings for the guy, Brother calls it a
"For the Love of Money" relationship, for his family was well-to-do, and he tried so hard in wooing and impressing, so I thought of giving him a chance since my heart was already completely broken and too numbed to feel anything... If he could mend my heart, it would be cool... If he couldn't, at least he won't lie to me; or so I thought...
He lied to me about everything - his job, right down to telling me and BFF how he was in London when he was actually asleep in his highest peak called Bukit Timah (It's flooding now, good riddance!)...
He had forgotten that I am a soccer fan, and I knew the time zones at the back of my hand; plus, I had an extremely wonderful friend in UK, whom confirmed the bullshites he was telling us as
"pure bollocks" ...
Talk about Karma indeed! I was treated badly and then in turn, I turned around treating another individual like crap cos I thought I had deserved it after being treated so badly; Only for the person in question to stab me back!
A very bitter lesson learnt!
*Cynic Laughs*
Then after completely healing from the 3 years of horror and then lies thereafter, I met a guy whom defied all logic of what I was looking for in a guy, and then realised after constantly trying that he was far too different, character-wise and mentality, for me to be around and support him through Life...
It just wasn't cool to get drunk every week and then challenging strangers for a fight (He thought he was a knight of the Medieval ages probably! LOL~)... And then asking for money to fund his drinking and smoking habits, for he had loaned all of his savings for a friend whom owed the loanshark's... His friends were his #1 priority and never could I replace that poistion in his heart... I then realised I had fallen into the trap of being someone I would have loathe thoroughly... What a fool I had been!
I was unhappy, miserable, FAT, and in a relationship where I couldn't Love the other party no more for I had been taken for granted... I picked up social smoking out of anger and out of wanting some attention from him, which backfired, cos he didnt't even bothered... And I, whom never ever liked the habit of smoking, had became a slave to the addiction - I had loathed myself, and loathed what I was doing to myself, all in the name of, supposedly, Love...
To think that I even gave up wearing heels, my #1 obsession just for an individual whom wasn't worth it!
(He is vertically-challenged, ie, SHORT, and friends whom know me know how I ♥ my heels and once infamously proclaimed I would never ever sacrifice my heels over a man - The irony of Life! :P )
So then I decided that for the past 5 years, I've had my heart shattered, dented, chipped, broken and had so many missing pieces that I decided to close, lock and bolt the door of Love, for I never ever wanted to be hurt, and I wanted to be strong, not just for myself, but for my family and friends whom geninuely cared and ♥ me...
♥, afterall, to a very jaded being was a fleeting feeling which could have never befall on me, and as long as I had ♥ from family and friends, I would be just as happy as well...
For the past year odd, I have been living and having the time of my Life, juggling a shitty job with studying for a degree at night, meeting up with friends, shopping, eating as much sashimi as I can, successfully quitted the bad habit of being a social smoker and just live Life like the way I had meant for it to be - A huge Party where there were smiles and no frowns... :D
I partied every weekend (what is there for a singleton to do over the weekends anyways?), for I didn't want to mop around at home, and feel sorry for myself... =)
After what I have been through, and having been given a 2nd shot in Life, Life ought to be cheery and in PINK! :P
I bought more shoes than I ever possible have had (Mostly 3-4 inches high! Haha! :P ), and have cheered up more people than I ever had in the past 6 years, loving what I was learning in school, minus lousy lecturers, and just loving Life, its ups and downs!
I have made friendships over the past year, many whom I hope will last, and lost some friendships, especially one whom I had really treasured which lasted for 8.5 years; whom just disappeared like David Blaine's illusions once she was healed from a bad patch in Life... But hey, Life went on and I was still the happy, chirpy me...
=)
Perhaps Fate and Karma has its funny ways of sneaking up on you, like how perhaps I have had cheered so many people up with my limitless energy and goofiness that Someone decided to be nice to me for a change...
He was someone whom I was made the obligatory introductions to, I merely said "Hi" and smiled; and went back to my own friends.
I didn't know how he, in his somewhat-intoxicated state, was rather somehow intrigued, (or maybe its the beers? :P ) and how he noticed what I was doing throughout the night...
It led to him searching for me via FaceBook, adding me as a friend, chatting and later, text-ing and e-mailing each other like he has been someone I've known for decades...
A supper date and a movie date later, I felt a spark which I have never ever felt so intense before in my Life ever began to burn, and it took me by total and complete surprise, for I had always thought it was never ever possible to have such intense feelings for another person in just a matter of days...
I then tried to resist the feelings I was feeling, for I didn't and couldn't allow my heart to be broken once more... We've also had our fair share of insecurities and bad experiences previously to make us feel extremely vunerable and insecure...
How the age gap between us was an issue to him, how his past was something he was trying to overcome, and how I had the task of juggling so much things on my plate, that we both wondered if what we had gotten ourselves into was worth what was at the end of the road?
"Meeting you was Fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in Love with you was beyond my control." (Unknown)It seems as though for once, my prayers as a child, were finally answered; For despite all our flaws and imperfections, he makes me laugh in ways I have never thought possible, he listens without judging and endures with my random ramblings and kookiness about the world, and about Life in general...
He has sacrificed his sleep and resting hours to send me home safely (SG isn't that huge but it takes awhile to travel from the North to the East ya know? :P ) and talk to me on the phone or online, has made the effort to get to know my friends, to go window shopping with me walking around, for walking to the beach near my house when he could have drove there (HaHa!), to know me and my Life better; and for that, I am ever so grateful... :)
The Future, is an open book, where we are unsure of what might happen and what is in store for US both... But as we embark on this journey of Life together, I hope we'd be able to fill up our remaining chapters we have together with wonderful memories which we would be able to reminisce and have a good laugh about when we grow old (Especially the bits about how we got together pretty unromantically... *Rolls Eyes* ) together...
Hopefully, he is the GlueGun whom I have been waiting for, someone whom heals my heart from all the previous heartaches I've ever experienced, someone who would be able to glue the pieces together, to make me whole, make me complete, and make me feel Loved in ways never imagined possible... =)
"You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly."
~ Sam Keen
To my Dearest GlueGun ,
Thank You for putting up with my overbearing nonsensicals, for never judging me when I go off-tangent and become very random, for wiping my tears when I cry (cos u bullied me! :P ), for holding my hand as you drive... For taking time out and for making the effort to chill-out with my friends...
For the little insignificant things you have done to touch my heart, for making me smile and laugh in ways never imagined before; and for loving me as I am, for accepting my past, my flaws & imperfections, and for loving the way you love me... ♥
"True love begins when nothing is looked for in return."
~ Antoine De Saint-Exupery
Although you've constantly been telling me that you require nothing for as long as I'm happy you'd be happy... I would try my very best to shower you with the ♥ that you thoroughly deserve, to help you heal from your unhappy past, to walk with you through Life, to ♥ you, your flaws and your mad driving skills (!!!), to take care of you, shower you with care, concern, affection, and TONS of nagging to quit smoking ( I mean it! LaLaLa~ )... :P
But most of all, I ♥ you, for who and what you were, who and what you are now, and what and who you'd become in the future! =)
May we conquer and walk through all obstacles along the way hand-in-hand, GlueGun! :D
Je t'aime Baby! =)
♥
"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides.
And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is.
Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.
Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
~ Captain Corelli's Mandolin. "Love is the beauty of the soul."
~ St. Augustine.
♥ 
