SORRY! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!

"Me, I'm scared of everything, I'm scared of who I am, what I saw, what I did, but most of all I am scared of walking out of this room and never feeling for the rest of my life, the way I feel when I'm with you."





To Baby GlueGun :

I'm sorry for all the hurt caused upon you. I am sorry for keeping you waiting, for lying to you, and for shutting off my phone.


I know saying sorry won't erase the pain I've had inflicted upon you, for they were the very 3 most hateful things in your Life.


As you lay asleep on the other line, I just want to tell you from the bottom of my heart:


You said I have to bear the consequences of my own actions for treating you this way, for abusing the trust you had in me; and for disrespecting you.


Im not an angel, neither am I perfect, I wished I was though -- I wished I had a magic wand to eradicate all the pain I've had inflicted upon you; to wave off all the unhappiness in your Life, and to make things between us right. I wished I could, but I cannot take back my words, the lies I've spoken to you, and take back the hurt I've caused.


I can only ask for your forgiveness, for another chance to make things work, and for us to give the relationship another chance.


You would always tell me I have plenty of niceties to say, and how I seem to always have the right words to say... And how whatever I say now won't repair the damage I've caused.


However, SORRY is the only thing I can say now, and despite how it can never remove the pain I've caused, I am truly remorseful and repentful...


Please forgive me, and give me, and give us another chance to make things right...


I ♥ you!

Hope Floats...

Hope is all I can ask for...



May he be happier, despite the recent happenings...






May he not still be so worried...






Hope floats... ...





=)






I ♥ You, Baby GlueGun!

The Failure in Striving for Perfection...

When one is in Love,
More often than not, we would want things to be perfect,
and strive for perfection...


But as always,
things more often than not, don't always seem to go as you have in mind,
or have planned...


I wanted to chase away his Blues,
I wanted to always be there cheering him on...
Likewise, I had wanted similiar feelings to be reciprocated...



But then, why are we doing what we are doing to each other now?

=(




I Love Him,
I've never ever been more sure than anything else...
But his nonchalance and him ignoring me, not replying to my emails nor sms-es is heartbreaking...




"There's a danger in loving somebody too much,
And its sad when you know, it's your heart you can't trust..."






I am extremely depressed and confused...



=(












"I don't wanna lose you,
I don't wanna use you,
just to have sombody by my side...
And I don't wanna hate you,
I don't wanna take you,
But I don't wanna be the one to cry...

That don't really matter to anyone, anymore,
But like a fool I keep losing my place,
And I keep seeing you walk through that door...

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
And its sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust...
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are,
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough...


Now I could never change you,
I don't wanna blame you...
Baby you don't have to take the fall.


Yes I may have hurt you,
But I did not desert you,
Maybe I just want to have it all...


It makes a sound like thunder,
It makes me feel like rain...
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change...

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
And its sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust,
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are...
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough...


And there's no way home...
when it's late at night and you're all alone...
Are there things that you wanted to say?
Do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you where I used to lay?


And there's a Danger in Loving somebody too much,
And it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch...
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are,
Cause baby sometimes love just ain't enough...
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough... ..."

“Lovers and madmen have such seething brains, such shaping fantasies, that apprehend more than cool reason ever comprehends.”

~ William Shakespeare; A MidSummer Night's Dream.

Love is like chocolate,
Sometimes dark and bitter,
Sometimes sweet and nutty...
Yet,
It's always so sinfully good,
although being superbly fattening...



In another breathe,
Forrest Gump once taught the world how...

"Life is just like a box of chocolates,
You're never gonna know what you're gonna get..."

Many a times, we all are humans searching for Someone, I had given up the goal of the majority population of searching for a particular Someone;
Love, in particular, for I had truly given up wanting to spend time to make things work, for there weren't deserving guys around to make me want to make the effort...


Then like how Forrest Gump taught us in that box office smash hit, one would never know what you would be getting when you are totally not expecting anything...


Baby GlueGun came into my Life, totally unexpected, and I struggled deep within me for I never ever thought I was able to fall in Love with an individual that quickly...
When I knew him better, his past, his Life; I made decisions and choices after thinking things through... For his past made him who he is now, and I would still cherish and adore him as we walk hand-in-hand into the future...


Yet, the insecurities surrounding me has seemingly brought the happiness to an abrupt stop; made the cynicism in me take total control...

We have not come to a mutual ground with regards to issues;
For one, he thinks it is perfectly alright to meet chicks he knew online as friends...
Whereas I think otherwise of wanting to collect friends as though I was collecting stickers...

Without any hesitations, he said...

"If can't be Lovers, we can always remain as friends..."


I almost wanted to collaspe into a heap, retreat back into the little girl that I was that rainy night when I only had beers, painkillers and sleeping pills for company...



I have never ever felt the feelings I am feeling now in my previous relationships,
I do not know how to fight against the torrid of tears streaking down my cheeks...
I do not know how to comfort myself;
Words have seemingly come to a standstill...




I know it is unfair and extremely selfish of me to add onto his worries and burdens, which are of greater severity than mine;
But I am, afterall, "just a little girl, standing in front of a little boy, asking him to love her..." ...




I'm probably like his doggies, I crave for the attention and for the tenderness which he showers onto his dog, so much so that I sometimes admire the doggie;
He gets all the affection, yet when I feel insecure and have tears rolling down my eyes, it takes him eons to realise, and for him to offer words to soothe, and some concern...

Yet despite it all... ...






"For aught that I could ever read;
Could ever hear by tale or history;
The course of true love never did run smooth.

And yet, to say the truth,
Reason and love keep little company together nowadays."

~ William Shakespeare; A MidSummer Night's Dream.



I will press on, and never give up on him,
For the very reason for us to have found each other, getting to know each other and then be an item has been a rollercoaster ride;
We have done our fair shares of pushing the other party away;
We have cried and we have smiled and been through quite a tumultuous period of time, despite how short a time we've been officially together...
For despite his flaws, he makes me feel imperfectly special, and how the little things he does puts smiles on my face...



It takes 2 hands to clap, and I know, for sure, that we would work hand-in-hand, and iron out our differences and our opinions...


May we come to some form of consensus soon, in some way or another...



For Baby GlueGun ~

I'm sorry for being overtly insecure, for having a less trusting heart than the majority, and how I am deeply insecure about bits of your thought process...


I'm sorry for adding onto your woes when you already have a mountainful to deal with...


Please forgive me!


May you be optimistic and think positively about the issues that have been troubling you ~

We will conquer them all, hand-in-hand!



I Love You!

♥

Sighs (but it doesn't go away) the Irony of Doube Standards...

I'd readily admit... ...



I am anal,
I choose my friends...
I don't add strangers onto my FaceBook List...
(Not even on Friendster / MySpace /WhoLivesNearYou, etc; prior to the craze of FaceBook...)



To see and know he has been adding friends whom he claims to know,
(SYTs, mind you!)
Yet u cannot be certain to trust your heart and his words...
What would anyone do?

(Many of whom are accquaintance's friend's friend, so it wouldn't have been such coincidence for him to know them, right?
What are the odds?
Better than striking lottery? )



When friends SMS or call,
I'd alway tell him who is on the line / who has sms-ed...

Yet, when I ask,
It's a nonchalant shrug,
A look of indifference...
Especially when previously he showed me the messages,
it was a colleague / friend of his whom told him...

"I like you."




If u were in my heels...
Would little tiny alarm bells go ringing in your head?
=(





He had / has trust issues,
Now its as though the coin has been flipped,
He said I need not tell him who has been texting / calling me to reassure him...!
(When previously he once said he is happy to know the little things I've done to reassure him...)



How heartbreaking to hear!
=(







I have intense strong feelings that tonight is going to be an extremely long and sleepless night ahead... ....


Sometimes, the right words don't even want to come and help me straighten things out...


Maybe after a few strong glasses of Brandy,
Maybe the tears might descend upon me...


Maybe just maybe...



This is a hurt which I have never experienced before,
I don't know how to deal with it...


Maybe the fragilities within my heart might choose to ignore the throbbing that I am feeling inside, where the heart is...



But for now, I'm robbed of words, I lay speechless, and crying / quietly tear-ing with the wind howling in the distance... ...



I don't want (and dunno how!) to talk about it... ...


[ And I am feeling helpless about it... ... :( ]




*SiGhs*













"I can tell by your eyes that youve probbly been cryin forever,
And the stars in the sky don't mean nothin to you, they're a mirror.
I don't want to talk about it, how you broke my heart.
If I stay here just a little bit longer,
If I stay here, wont you listen to my heart, whoa, heart?


If I stand all alone, will the shadow hide the color of my heart?
Blue for the tears, black for the nights fears.
The star in the sky don't mean nothin to you, they're a mirror.
I don't want to talk about it, how you broke my heart.

If I stay here just a little bit longer,
If I stay here, wont you listen to my heart, whoa, heart?
I don't want to talk about it, how you broke this ol' heart.


I don't want to talk about it, how you broke my heart.
If I stay here just a little bit longer,
If I stay here, wont you listen to my heart, whoa, heart?


If I stay here just a little bit longer,
If I stay here, wont you listen to my heart, whoa, heart?
My heart, whoa, heart... ..."

Is Bothered about the Unexplainables...

I dislike it sometimes when over-paranoia takes over, or how I am thinking overtly much about issues, Life and of Him...


It's good that we're finally together, but we've still got heaps more of things to iron out and figure out and conqure along the Journey...


However, a little part of me feels like he's ubberly vexed about issues, and although he tells me in dribs and drabs, I get this feeling that he doesnt wanna overly worry me...


He said I naturally like to over-assume things, and it irked him terribly...
It irked me terribly to know that he thinks that I'm over-bearing, over-emotional, and love to assume sometimes...
=(
But isn't it human nature for a person to make assumptions about things when she / he has no clue what is going on?


I am naturally highly inquisitive, and I love seeking for the truth, I guess it was how I was brought up and circumstances thereafter made me wanna snoop / assume / think too much for it's my self-defense mechanism at work...
The more a person doesn't tell me stuff, the more I'd tend to assume that the person is hiding something from me; And thus far, it has proven me correct always...
=(


Things between us don't feel the same - the sparks and fire is still there, but I cannot pin-point the actualities to it -- I am fearful of being taken for granted, of being lied to, of just being used like a rag doll - When in a good mood, I get all the Love, and when the mood isn't that cheery, I'd get chucked into a corner...




I have feelings too... :(




I hate it immensely of him comparing me with a past I have no part in -- It might be a joke initially, but women are afterall, sensitive creatures, a joke that goes on too long might take on a totally different meaning altogether...
And if it was a meaningless joke, it wouldn't be continously harped on with a serious face... ...

I dislike it when how he'd be all happy and then suddenly telling me that I deserve someone else better, and someone whom is less complicated...


I choose my friends, I choose my Life, and I do love him and leaving him has never ever crossed my mind...
Although we've barely been together, to hear him say these sorta things have been extremely discomforting, and heart-wrenching really! =(



Maybe to him, I'm not at an age close to his, and how I handle and see things differently from him, that somethings he takes in all seriousness with, I take things with pinches of salt --
It's my character, I've been through a dark period in my Life to know that Life without their fair share of seasonings, would be a Life not lived to its fullest...




These insecurities are eating at me, in pieces and chunks, and try as I might, I cannot seem to shake off this feeling...




Suddenly remembers the sms which was sent...


"... ... I will take care of u n treasure u. To me, u r priceless... ..."





We are a Team ~
We promised each other to share, and talk things out...
Yet this aloof-ness is gnawing at me...


It might be work, but work's a major excuse for the nonchalance...

It might be the lack of sleep, but if it was me, I would still try my bestest to cheer the other party, to make sure things are fine...

It might be how he's bothered about the issues-on-hand, and although talking and sharing might not solve things, I can listen, better understand, than for me to second-guess and work around the bad moods, the lack of contact...
And then allow my insecurities and my assumptions to go into overdrive...


I will and shall always be affected by the other party's moods and temper...
I need to know so I at least know how to cheer the person up, or say words of encouragement... Or to just listen when need be, and to offer hugs in return...


Am I wrong to think in such a manner??
=(






Maybe just maybe... ...










I really dunno anymore... ...
=(









"Love would find a way;
Indifferences would merely find excuses..."

P.D.A. (We Just Don't Care)...

This is something I am in great need of now...


Baby GlueGun, are u reading this?


P.D.A isn't Palm-sized Digital Assistant in this case!


I need TLC, and Public Displays of Affection!

:P



Gimme Gimme Gimme!

*bLeaHs*









"Let's go to the park,
I wanna kiss you underneath the stars...
Maybe we'll go too far,
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't care.


You know I love you when you're loving me,
Sometimes it's better when it's publicly... I'm not ashamed,
I don't care who sees...
Us hugging & kissing,
Our love exhibition all...



We'll rendezvous out on the fire escape,
I'd like to set off an alarm today...
The love emergency, don't make me wait,
Just follow, I'll lead you,
I urgently need you...


Let's go to the park,
I wanna kiss you underneath the stars,
Maybe we'll go too far,
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't.


Let's make love,
Let's go somewhere they might discover us...
Let's get lost in lust...
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't care.


I see you closing down the restaurant,
Let's sneak, and do it when your boss is gone...
Everybody's leaving, we'll have some fun...
Or maybe it's wrong, but you're turning me on.


Ooh, we'll take a visit to your Mama's house,
Creep to the bedroom, while your Mama's out...
Maybe she'll hear it when we scream and shout...
And we'll keep it rocking, until she comes knocking...


Let's go to the park,
I wanna kiss you underneath the stars...
Maybe we'll go too far...
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't...


Let's make love,
Let's go somewhere they might discover us...
Let's get lost in lust...
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't care.


If we keep up on this fooling around,
We'll be the talk of the town...
I'll tell the world I'm in love any time...
Let's open up the blinds, 'cause we really don't mind...


Ooh I don't care about the propriety,
Let's break the rules, and ignore society...
Maybe our neighbours like to spy, it's true...
So what if they watch when we do what we do...


Oh, let's go to the park,
I wanna kiss you underneath the stars...
Maybe we'll go too far...
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't...


Let's make love,
Let's go somewhere they might discover us...
Let's get lost in lust...
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't care... ..."



I ♥ You Baby!

:D