The power of 3 on NYE 2006!! It's been a year already!!January - March 2007
I still remember the words DarLing JuLes said while waiting for a cab in the wee hours of the morning on the 1st day of 2007. She wished that we would all find gorgeous boyfriends whom would adore and cherish us for who we are...
The irony of it all, simply because now, as I sit by the PC in the wee hours and reflecting, I thought that I had the resolution fulfilled this year when someone once imperfectly special knocked me off my heels and feet, telling me that I was imperfectly special to him too...
Looking back, as I reflect 20 hours away before the new year arrives (Yesh, it's 4am damnit!!), I am truly grateful for his fleeting presence in my life, for being the rock during the months that we were together, for his patience and listening ear, his understanding and his concern. It's truly amazing that you managed to make both Mummy and Daddy DeaRest adore you almost instantly...
The surprises still brings smiles to my face, I remember the huge grin I had after getting the huge balloon from you, how I would very often poke the balloon out of sheer randomness whenever you were on the other line... I remember how you would endure my very irregular time of the month by surprising me with chocolates, and how the inquisitive me found the card that was meant for me as a surprise...!
The beginnings of romance is always sweet, yet learning how to protect, prune and ensure that the romance would bear fruit is yet such a formidable task... ...
April - June 2007
Attended Angela and Paul's wedding dinner and feeling the rush of love overwhelming me... It's truly a blessing to see one of my deaRest friends in Junior College days finally settling down after dating her knight for years!
My Forever Young surprise Party!!
What made it real bloody touching was that DarLing BubbLes, whom has a phobia for balloons, actually risked having balloons bursting in her face and all and blew up heaps of balloons for me!
*HeaRts*
And I didn't expect a party planned for me in, of all places, a very posh-nosh 5 star hotel in the heart of town!! I truly had expected a road trip into Malaysia for shopping of shoes and some sight-seeing! I was totally taken aback by the effort and surprise that the once imperfectly special someone planned for me by contacting my dearest friends via Friendster and telling them not to tell me! The hush-hush of it all made me tear and deliriously happy! :)
I was truly touched and overwhelmed for I had totally never ever expected anyone to go to such extends into planning a birthday party of such scale for me!
July - September 2007
The trip to Bangkok, Thailand, was meant to be a short getaway trip from this concrete jungle, which I thoroughly enjoyed, and I really do miss Bangkok! The wonderfully rich culture, the insane shopping, bustling streets and PINK cabs!! The land of the smiles finally conquered! =)
pZ was officially employed! And I've known friends that I can count on in a long time to come! :)
Work-wise, it was pretty routine after the initial mental tortures, but amidst all the stress and the deadlines, I somehow got through everyday, although mentally and physically tired and all stressed out! pZ did wonder if the banking industry's really meant for me, a bubbly personality who craves the challenges to see proposals and events working out from scratch, to deal with individuals and groups of people rather than to deal with the nitty-gritty of figures and the daily deadlines... While trying to balance everything that was on my plate, I took out my frustrations on a particular once imperfectly special someone, for I needed the rest and space from exhausting pressure cooker days at work...
I was so drained out from the politics besides the work itself from morning until the set of the sun that I didn't know and couldn't handle the fact that I had to be aware and understanding to not just my own feelings and thoughts, but of another person's as well...
September - November 2007
I reckon somehow, somewhere along the lines he got so emotionally drained by trying so hard to tame the fiery wildchild in me that I sensed him giving up; The space between us was widening, yet I chose to ignore the subtle warning signs that were all over everywhere... Gone were the random surprises, the extra mile that he would go through in the past to put smiles on my face... The spark in our eyes, the once special feeling that we once shared...
The cynic in me now reflects and now wonders if all that was said and done were just a front? Was it all just part of an act to show to the rest of my dearest friends that he just wanted people to know that I've got a wonderful partner? Had it really been entirely from the heart, would he have came up with a huge pack of elaborate lies, not just to myself, but even to my closest group of girlfriends about everything? What was going through his mind at that very moment, I wonder?
For you know that I hate people lying to me, yet in wanting to touch me with his sincerity, the underlying fact was that it was just material things of wants than needs; I thought he knew what I wanted, I merely wanted a secure and sincere heart that cared and cherished me for who I am; Someone who would laugh and say that I'm a silly lil' girl when I act all bimbotic and "Puss-in-Boots"-like... Someone who would listen and wouldn't judge, but would want me to become a better person by giving his utmost support by just being there by my side... Someone whom would walk beside me hand-in-hand and embrace my imperfections and insecurities with open arms and an open heart...
Did he have to chide, behind my back, saying that without him I'd be completely nothing? Did he have to say that he's throwing in the towel when if he really did want the best for me, he would be there to guide me along the way to become a better person, and give me the support and encouragement that I needed?
Was it necessary to lie that he was overseas when he was actually going about doing the daily mundanes of life? Was it necessary to lie that the birthday present came all the way from Paris, France, when it was probably from Asia? Was it necessary to lie about everything and anything just to cover up for the previous lies? Did he really think that I was that naive?
Yet the lies that you came up with were lies that hurt me in more ways than one. I hope, like how you once chided me not too long ago that you've learnt and I do hope you've realised that it is pointless to lie in a relationship, for the lying would merely become a vicious cycle - one lie after another, and before you know it, somehow the truth prevails.
True love would find a way; Indifferences would merely find excuses...
Relationships are meant to be sacred, yet you betrayed the trust I had for you. If you no longer felt the same way for me as you did before, let me down gently, than to come up with fabricated and fictitious tales one after another.
I was completely honest with you in the relationship, besides the times when I lied to you so I could meet my friends for clubbing; which I readily admitted my foolishness for I felt so guilty about lying to you. The only fault that I am guilty of was that I took you and the relationship for granted. That, I admit my mistake, but with each lie unravelled, I find myself stronger than ever to face the harsh realities of Life...
"How many times, how many lies?
How long have you been creeping around? ..."
It truly doesn't matter anymore...
for Love has retreated to a town called yesterday...
The fiery passions extinguished, reduced to a flame...
Which would be snuffed out, upon the light of yet another day...
(Just IMAGINE it rhymes, kay?!?! :P)
October - December 2007
I embarked on a solo trip with an unknown destination as the finishing point. I was so unsure about how I was going to manage to juggle, school, work, friends, family and life... But thus far, I think I am and have been coping fine... I still have my doubts and insecurities, I still am fearful of what is in place for me... I am still somewhat jaded and cynical, but beneath them lies cheery optimism, for I am hopeful of what Life has in store for me... :)
December has been a fruitful month, Ive made more friends, rekindled some friendships, learnt more about myself and have become more confident, yet at the same time, humble, cheery, crappy, nonsensical and happy, as a person in general!
As I go paint the town red and usher in the new year 18 odd hours later, I can safely say that I can give myself a pat on the back, have a smile on my face, and tell myself that it's been a fruitful year, and come what may, I am able to withstand the distance ahead of me, for I know that there'd be water and resting points ahead whenever I struggle and falter... ... =)
Appreciation goes out to all my daRLings that have been there for me through this emotionally roller coaster year... The encouragements, laughter, jokes, listening ears, big hearts and keeping me in your prayers aside, I just wanna thank you for not being judgmental and for loving me for who I am, and for gently accepting me, my flaws, my nonsensical crap, and for offering hugs whenever I needed them... :)
I am really thankful! =)
Have yourselves a wonderful 2008 ahead filled to the brim with joy, peace, health, wealth, and of course LOVE! :)
R.I.P. 2007!!!! DIEEeeeee!!!
*LauGhs*
*HeaRts*
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