168 hours later...

168 hours ago, he called me to end things...


We had met and had shared 5808 hours together, talking about our past, our present and our futures together...


In the 5808 hours which we spoke and shared together, he has made me laugh, cry, and made me experience the euphoria of Love that I have never ever felt before.


I thought that he was The One, and wasn't a "Mr. Right Now"...


I thought he was the Mr. Darcy that I had been looking for all these while; and that he was the man for the Bridget Jones in me...



I assumed that after all the shites I've been through, my prayers were answered when his hand first held mine...






The signs were always there on the wall, but I chose to ignore it, thinking that nobody's perfect, and that I should embrace everything about him openly, for everything he had experienced had made him into who he was, and that if a person loves another, she/he ought to love without passing judgements, without minding his past, for it merely made him who the person I had loved...






The 168 hours were really one hell of a emotional rollercoaster ride for me; I had to be strong for my mama, she was freakingly worried, but I'm glad she never ever fails to just listen, although there were tears in her eyes. I knew I worried her when I just cried my eyeballs out 168hours ago, when it was a lonng loonggg night for me...




With the passing of 168hours, I have cried alot, more than how I shed tears when previous relationships ended... I don't think I have cried that much ever before...



I struggled with normalcy by burying my emotions within work, yet the pressures of work caught up with me, and the memories of how he used to be just a sms or message away on MSN when I needed to rant added onto the pain... I lost count on the number of times I had wept silently at my workstation, knowing that I still had to stick the plastic smile on my face, for I couldn't let my emotions affect my work...

How the phone is achingly silent during lunchtime, when we would used to message each other about our daily lunches; How he would call me once he got off work... And how we would end the day by calling each other and talking about our daily routines, our lives and our aspirations, and going to sleep with a smile on my face, knowing that Love is around me...








I couldn't and didn't understand how Love, as he had claimed, could have just faded like that... I kept thinking if I wasn't good enough to him, whether I was too naggy, or that I had irritated him too much... Nights were restless and sleepless, and there were nights I just wept silently, trying to comprehend what exactly went wrong... ...




Family and Friends were there to rally around me with Love, they listened while I ranted, they said nice and not-too-nice things to me... I met up with friends whom I have not met up with for ages over non-alcoholic drinks, had conversations and ... ...





I laughed, it was one of those giggles that I haven't heard in a long long time... Kelvin said something about wanting me to stand in a corner over my supposed state of bimbotic-ness, and I pouted and laughed...






Suddenly, it all made sense to me... ...








It doesn't matter anymore thinking about the "Should haves, would haves, could haves..." It doesn't matter anymore that I should be worried if he has woken up, and whether he has taken his acne medication... It doesn't matter anymore that I ought to be concerned about him...




It doesn't even matter even whether some girls are in his KIV list of gf potentials, it doesn't even matter whether that I had sensed something wasn't right... It doesn't matter that we were not communicating anymore when the writing was on the wall... it doesn't matter if things ended the way it had ended cos he had another special person outside...






Truth to be told, I haven't been happy recently, I wasn't smiley, I was superbly frustrated, and I felt un-Loved by him... I assumed it was work and the pressures of Life that made us edgy...








Then I realised that Life is like a novel, with many many chapters. There are certain people whom one would like to have right until the end of the novel. However, as one grows and walks along the journey of Life, those people might not stay like how we wished... They affect individuals in different ways through their presence in some chapters of Life... But the story of Life would still have to go on; It'd just be another brand new chapter...




"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women are merely players. They have their exits and entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts..." (William Shakespeare - "As You Like it")







I've still got a long way ahead of me, and although I look back at the failed relationship knowing that no one is perfect and how I have made mistakes, I have realised that I am only human, and how I will never ever be perfect, and that I will always have imperfections...





I have learnt that I should never ever change myself into becoming someone I wasn't just so I could be at least be something close to his ideal of perfection... I should never ever disappear from my friends when I get into a relationship, and I should never ever forget that how, at the end of the day, it's my family and friends that keeps me sane and rooted, whom have seen me through my darkest days, and whom have always been there for me when I needed them for support...





That being said, I know I have issues to resolve on my own, and that it will be pZ back to her same old bimbotic and chirpy self in time... I would also need to spend time "dating" my books and notes for some tough papers ahead of me, and as well as figure out Life, and how I would want my Book of Life to be written in the chapters ahead of me...




I have no regrets knowing him, and for loving him in a way I have never ever loved before... He has taught me independence, patience and trust, amongst a whole lot of other things; But more importantly, he has taught me the real meaning of Love, and how sacred Love is and ought to be, and how I will be happily wishing those whom have gone through thick and thin, weal and woe and whom are still in Love with each other Luck and nothing but blissful days ahead, knowing that perhaps one day, someone imperfectly special would come along my way... ...






As for now, I intend to remain single, for a while, not because I am fearful of Love but simply because I am going back on track to the promise I had made to myself prior to meeting him... I would need to resolve some naggling issues that are within me on this solo journey of mine so that I would become a better person, not just for myself, but for my family and friends whom have been there for me... ...












To Eddy;



If you are reading this, I am thankful that I was once loved and cherished by you. I am sorry for taking you and the relationship for granted at times; it was never intentional. I am sorry for the times we argued and for making you frustrated over issues. I bear no hate nor hard feelings towards you. I wish you well, and thank you for the months of bliss and laughter when we were an item. Thank you for cheering me up when I was down, for being there when I needed a pillar of strength, for talking sense into me when I was irrationally unreasonable, but most importantly, Thank you for having once loved me... ....














168 hours later, with tears streaking down her face, pZ is smiley and seeing that the rainbow is there after the rain, and telling friends whom care that I will definitely get better in time... ...







*hEaRts*




















"It's been the longest winter without you...
I didn't know where to turn to,
See somehow I can't forget you...
After all that we've been through...


Going coming;
Thought I heard a knock;
Who's there?
No one...
Thinking that I deserve it...
Now I realise that I really didn't know...
If you didn't notice you mean everything...

Quickly I'm learning to love again...
All I know is I will be ok...


Thought I couldn't live without you,
It's gonna hurt when it heals too,
It'll all get better in time...
And even though I really love you,
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to...
It'll all get better in time...


I couldn't turn on the TV,
Without something there to remind me...
Was it all that easy,
To just put aside your feelings?

If I'm dreaming don't wanna let
Hurt my feelings,
but that's the path I believe in;
And I know that time will heal it...
If you didn't notice;
Well, you meant everything,
Quickly I'm learning,
To love again...
All I know is I'm gonna be ok...



Thought I couldn't live without you,
It's gonna hurt when it heals too...
It'll all get better in time;
And even though I really love you,
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to,
It'll all get better in time...


Since there's no more you and me,
It's time I let you go
So I can be free...
And live my life how it should be,
No matter how hard it is,
I'll be fine without you... ...
Yes I will!


Thought I couldn't live without you,
It's gonna hurt when it heals too...
It'll all get better in time...
And even though I really loved you,
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to,
Yes I do!
It'll all get better in time..


Thought I couldn't live without you,
It's gonna hurt when it heals too...
It'll all get better in time...
And even though I really loved you,
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to,
Yes I do!
It'll all get better in time.. ..."