In the darker shades of grey...

He called yesterday, I had a feeling that the Love would call, knowing him, I knew he would, and for some unknown reason I kept glancing at the phone's clock, waiting for it to strike 11pm, a time he would usually call...



He did call, we talked, I cried until my ears and nose hurt, but the hurt seemed to pale in contrast with the pain in my heart...


He said it's officially over, for he doesn't have the feelings for me anymore...



Maybe I'd understand better one of these days as to the causes, but...



I really don't wanna let go...




We just allowed the relationship to take a nosedive from the good to the worst; We hardly really communicated for he doesn't wanna hurt me or make me sad/angry, and so did I. We just bottled things up, and then like a Coke bottle that refuses to contain all the liquid and gases anymore, it all came to a downward spiral...



I am devasted, for it was the first time that I had felt such intense happiness, and yet, it's all coming to an end.


I'm honestly lost, it's as though my heart has been broken into billions of tiny pieces, and knowing myself, I know I would never be the same ol' me again...


He's gone, but he wants us to remain as friends. And honestly, for the first time in my love relationships, I really do want us to be there for each other as friends, depsite the fact that I want something more, yet he can't for he doesn't feel the same way anymore. Knowing myself, when my previous relationships ended, one of the very first things I'd say to the other party is for him to stop contacting me, for I feel that it's pointless remaining as friends after all that we've been through...


I don't know if he wants us to remain friends is just so to make me feel better, or that it would be comforting for him to be able to know that someone would be there to listen to him, and just cheer him up on those bluesy days... Or that it's just talk, and that we wouldn't remain in contact after some time...




I gave us a chance, I gave my all; and looking back, the only regret that I have is that I no longer have the chance to spend my days and nights growing with him on the long life journey ~ I can only look from afar and hope he is truly happy for we're no longer together...



I usually am able to move on and pull my socks up pretty quickly, but I highly doubt I'd be able to this time around; it's as though a literal part of me just died and although some might say that it's the early days, and how I'd get over him after finding closure with time, I know that I can't, having known that I contributed to allowing the best thing ever in my Life slip away...



Yet, I surrender, simply because I respect him and still, in all honesty, love him alot... But sometimes, loving someone means letting him go and not seeing himself be so unhappy and suffering. I thought that he was being selfish by telling me harshly that he doesn't have feelings for me anymore. But facing the 4 walls of my room and thinking things through, I realised that if it makes him happier (for I cannot bear to see him sad), then I will take a step back, and allow him to be happy.



Nothing's fair in this world, and we don't usually get what we want all the time. He has given me far too much in Life and through these past 8 months of bliss that it's finally time for me to give something back in return.


Having time alone, without any forms of contact and communication with him for 2 days have only made me realise that I do love him alot, and I really do want to grow old with him, make him laugh, and see that smile on his face everyday. But if I am the root cause of his misery, and that I am the reason that is making him stop smiling, I will sacrifice to see that sunny dimpled smile back on his face again.


The sound of his laughter is somewhere near, his snores the comfort I'd terribly miss hearing while dozing off, and the look on his face when he sees a cockroach, and how I would miss his hand holding mine tightly, telling me that things would be okay...





With very breathe I take, his scent lingers... ... ...




Like what you've said a long time ago, you have slowly crept into my heart, and the billion little pieces would never be the same again...


Thank you for being my twinkle Northern Star!! :)



If you are reading this, I really wish you well!














"I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cried
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart,
I'm missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it ok

I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do,
reminds me of you,
and the clothes you left, that lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
And When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
And When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it ok

(I miss you )

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah yeah
And all I ever wanted was for you to know
everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me Yeah...

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
And When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
And When you're gone
The words I need to hear, will always get me through the day
And make it ok

I miss you..."