Sighs (but it doesn't go away) the Irony of Doube Standards...

I'd readily admit... ...



I am anal,
I choose my friends...
I don't add strangers onto my FaceBook List...
(Not even on Friendster / MySpace /WhoLivesNearYou, etc; prior to the craze of FaceBook...)



To see and know he has been adding friends whom he claims to know,
(SYTs, mind you!)
Yet u cannot be certain to trust your heart and his words...
What would anyone do?

(Many of whom are accquaintance's friend's friend, so it wouldn't have been such coincidence for him to know them, right?
What are the odds?
Better than striking lottery? )



When friends SMS or call,
I'd alway tell him who is on the line / who has sms-ed...

Yet, when I ask,
It's a nonchalant shrug,
A look of indifference...
Especially when previously he showed me the messages,
it was a colleague / friend of his whom told him...

"I like you."




If u were in my heels...
Would little tiny alarm bells go ringing in your head?
=(





He had / has trust issues,
Now its as though the coin has been flipped,
He said I need not tell him who has been texting / calling me to reassure him...!
(When previously he once said he is happy to know the little things I've done to reassure him...)



How heartbreaking to hear!
=(







I have intense strong feelings that tonight is going to be an extremely long and sleepless night ahead... ....


Sometimes, the right words don't even want to come and help me straighten things out...


Maybe after a few strong glasses of Brandy,
Maybe the tears might descend upon me...


Maybe just maybe...



This is a hurt which I have never experienced before,
I don't know how to deal with it...


Maybe the fragilities within my heart might choose to ignore the throbbing that I am feeling inside, where the heart is...



But for now, I'm robbed of words, I lay speechless, and crying / quietly tear-ing with the wind howling in the distance... ...



I don't want (and dunno how!) to talk about it... ...


[ And I am feeling helpless about it... ... :( ]




*SiGhs*













"I can tell by your eyes that youve probbly been cryin forever,
And the stars in the sky don't mean nothin to you, they're a mirror.
I don't want to talk about it, how you broke my heart.
If I stay here just a little bit longer,
If I stay here, wont you listen to my heart, whoa, heart?


If I stand all alone, will the shadow hide the color of my heart?
Blue for the tears, black for the nights fears.
The star in the sky don't mean nothin to you, they're a mirror.
I don't want to talk about it, how you broke my heart.

If I stay here just a little bit longer,
If I stay here, wont you listen to my heart, whoa, heart?
I don't want to talk about it, how you broke this ol' heart.


I don't want to talk about it, how you broke my heart.
If I stay here just a little bit longer,
If I stay here, wont you listen to my heart, whoa, heart?


If I stay here just a little bit longer,
If I stay here, wont you listen to my heart, whoa, heart?
My heart, whoa, heart... ..."

Is Bothered about the Unexplainables...

I dislike it sometimes when over-paranoia takes over, or how I am thinking overtly much about issues, Life and of Him...


It's good that we're finally together, but we've still got heaps more of things to iron out and figure out and conqure along the Journey...


However, a little part of me feels like he's ubberly vexed about issues, and although he tells me in dribs and drabs, I get this feeling that he doesnt wanna overly worry me...


He said I naturally like to over-assume things, and it irked him terribly...
It irked me terribly to know that he thinks that I'm over-bearing, over-emotional, and love to assume sometimes...
=(
But isn't it human nature for a person to make assumptions about things when she / he has no clue what is going on?


I am naturally highly inquisitive, and I love seeking for the truth, I guess it was how I was brought up and circumstances thereafter made me wanna snoop / assume / think too much for it's my self-defense mechanism at work...
The more a person doesn't tell me stuff, the more I'd tend to assume that the person is hiding something from me; And thus far, it has proven me correct always...
=(


Things between us don't feel the same - the sparks and fire is still there, but I cannot pin-point the actualities to it -- I am fearful of being taken for granted, of being lied to, of just being used like a rag doll - When in a good mood, I get all the Love, and when the mood isn't that cheery, I'd get chucked into a corner...




I have feelings too... :(




I hate it immensely of him comparing me with a past I have no part in -- It might be a joke initially, but women are afterall, sensitive creatures, a joke that goes on too long might take on a totally different meaning altogether...
And if it was a meaningless joke, it wouldn't be continously harped on with a serious face... ...

I dislike it when how he'd be all happy and then suddenly telling me that I deserve someone else better, and someone whom is less complicated...


I choose my friends, I choose my Life, and I do love him and leaving him has never ever crossed my mind...
Although we've barely been together, to hear him say these sorta things have been extremely discomforting, and heart-wrenching really! =(



Maybe to him, I'm not at an age close to his, and how I handle and see things differently from him, that somethings he takes in all seriousness with, I take things with pinches of salt --
It's my character, I've been through a dark period in my Life to know that Life without their fair share of seasonings, would be a Life not lived to its fullest...




These insecurities are eating at me, in pieces and chunks, and try as I might, I cannot seem to shake off this feeling...




Suddenly remembers the sms which was sent...


"... ... I will take care of u n treasure u. To me, u r priceless... ..."





We are a Team ~
We promised each other to share, and talk things out...
Yet this aloof-ness is gnawing at me...


It might be work, but work's a major excuse for the nonchalance...

It might be the lack of sleep, but if it was me, I would still try my bestest to cheer the other party, to make sure things are fine...

It might be how he's bothered about the issues-on-hand, and although talking and sharing might not solve things, I can listen, better understand, than for me to second-guess and work around the bad moods, the lack of contact...
And then allow my insecurities and my assumptions to go into overdrive...


I will and shall always be affected by the other party's moods and temper...
I need to know so I at least know how to cheer the person up, or say words of encouragement... Or to just listen when need be, and to offer hugs in return...


Am I wrong to think in such a manner??
=(






Maybe just maybe... ...










I really dunno anymore... ...
=(









"Love would find a way;
Indifferences would merely find excuses..."

P.D.A. (We Just Don't Care)...

This is something I am in great need of now...


Baby GlueGun, are u reading this?


P.D.A isn't Palm-sized Digital Assistant in this case!


I need TLC, and Public Displays of Affection!

:P



Gimme Gimme Gimme!

*bLeaHs*









"Let's go to the park,
I wanna kiss you underneath the stars...
Maybe we'll go too far,
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't care.


You know I love you when you're loving me,
Sometimes it's better when it's publicly... I'm not ashamed,
I don't care who sees...
Us hugging & kissing,
Our love exhibition all...



We'll rendezvous out on the fire escape,
I'd like to set off an alarm today...
The love emergency, don't make me wait,
Just follow, I'll lead you,
I urgently need you...


Let's go to the park,
I wanna kiss you underneath the stars,
Maybe we'll go too far,
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't.


Let's make love,
Let's go somewhere they might discover us...
Let's get lost in lust...
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't care.


I see you closing down the restaurant,
Let's sneak, and do it when your boss is gone...
Everybody's leaving, we'll have some fun...
Or maybe it's wrong, but you're turning me on.


Ooh, we'll take a visit to your Mama's house,
Creep to the bedroom, while your Mama's out...
Maybe she'll hear it when we scream and shout...
And we'll keep it rocking, until she comes knocking...


Let's go to the park,
I wanna kiss you underneath the stars...
Maybe we'll go too far...
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't...


Let's make love,
Let's go somewhere they might discover us...
Let's get lost in lust...
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't care.


If we keep up on this fooling around,
We'll be the talk of the town...
I'll tell the world I'm in love any time...
Let's open up the blinds, 'cause we really don't mind...


Ooh I don't care about the propriety,
Let's break the rules, and ignore society...
Maybe our neighbours like to spy, it's true...
So what if they watch when we do what we do...


Oh, let's go to the park,
I wanna kiss you underneath the stars...
Maybe we'll go too far...
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't...


Let's make love,
Let's go somewhere they might discover us...
Let's get lost in lust...
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't care... ..."



I ♥ You Baby!

:D

FireHouse - When I Look Into Your Eyes...

For Baby GlueGun!

:D


I ♥ You!

"I see forever when I look in your eyes,
You're all I ever wanted.
I always want you to be mine...
Let's make a promise till the end of time
We'll always be together, and out love will never die...


So here we are face to face, and heart to heart,
I want you to know we will never be apart...
Now I believe that wishes can come true,
'Cause I see my whole world;
I see only you...


When I look into your eyes,
I can see how much I love you...
And it makes me realize,
When I look into your eyes...
I see all my dreams come true,
When I look into your eyes...



I've looked for you all of my life,
Now that I've found you,
We will never say goodbye...
I can't stop this feeling,
There's nothing I can do,
'Cause I see everything,
When I look at you...



When I look into your eyes,
I can see how much I love you...
And it makes me realize,
When I look into your eyes...
I see all my dreams come true,
When I look into your eyes...



Ohhhh

When I look into your eyes,
I can see how much I love you,
And it makes me realize...
When I look into your eyes,
We will always be together,
And our love will never die...
When I look into your eyes...


I see all my dreams come true,
When I look into your eyes...
When I look into your eyes... ..."

To Forgive and Forget...

“Little, vicious minds abound with anger and revenge, and are incapable of feeling the pleasure of forgiving their enemies.”

~ Lord Chesterfield.



It's amazing how when a relationship ends for reasons unknown until much later on, the messiness of having to settle outstanding issues, be it monetary, or personal; is always tough and an emotional turmoil...

It would be cool to just clear things up and out like they were bits of trash, like how we would not second-think when dumping some used tissue papers.
However, the heart is made of complexities that no one can ever fanthom...


I used to have trouble burning bridges when push came to shove, but the first time I ever did that and established a better, newer and good-er person when I dumped the Cheater of an ex; He wanted a break-up, but he didn't wanna be the bad guy, and began to treat me like crap, like yelling on top of his lungs into my phone, telling me I have 10 freaking minutes to book 2 tickets for a movie, in the exact row and seat number which he wanted else he would not meet me and I wouldn't need to go "home" later in the night...

(Home was his place, not a place of warmth and love, I had always felt like a trapped prisoner within those 4 walls, where his Mum was like the #1-ranked security guard, keeping tabs on me even when I went to the kitchen for a drink... *Sigh* )



Then on, I knew how to draw my lines clean, as sharp as my wit could ever muster...
I've made it a point to not remain in contact with any previous boyfriends, and made sure I stuck to that promise, for I don't want them to come hounding me at random moments in my Life, wanting revenge, a listening ear, some sympathy when they got dumped subsequently... I didn't need to know how he was doing, how Life was treating him after how badly they have treated me - The betrayals, the Lies, the assumptions of taking me for granted...
I didn't need those emotional bagges upon me when things ended...
So I've always never replied their random phone calls, their nonsensical sms-es and how I made sure they were blocked out of my Life in the virtual world...
I burned my bridges clean, walked on, and never looked back... ....
Thus far, it has worked out fine! :P




However...




The ♥'s former flame and him had issues which they had left unresolved and kept hanging, for it was afterall, a relationship of half a decade, which I am sure they have been through the highs and the lows together...


It wasn't The ♥ whom gave things up ~ She did.
She decided to turn her back on him when she cheated, and left him alone.

And like how Hell hath no fury than a women scorned, she now is so vengeful that she doesn't want The ♥ to find Happiness...

Monetary disputes aside, she has gone so viscious to not grant our wish of moving on with our Lives and to transfer a property's ownership to us.
For knowing a woman scorned, if what can't be her's, no one else can have it...


Trip to the Lawyer's seemed bleak, but I knew I had to be strong for Baby, and for us... =)

In the goodness of my heart, I am hoping that she would reconcile her thoughts after the fury dies down and to think rationally and give us her well-wishes...
Like how I am ready to give her my most sincere wishes for her Future as well...

Afterall, one must always have Faith and Hope! :D





I might not know you, but our Lives have been intertwined by a Man whom you used to adore, and whom I now Love, cherish and wanna build a future and a Lifetime with ~


You were the one whom took him for granted, and he patiently stuck it out with you throughout the half decade...
You were the one whom embarked on another relationship with another person and left him in the dark, until he had to find things out the hard way...

You were the one whom let him down, yet you turned around, and made his Life difficult... And now, you do not mind losing money that could buy you a house with your future partner, and move on with your Lives just for a shallow moral victory!


How could anyone be so vicious to someone whom she proclaimed to have loved and cherish?

Why must you be so cruel to not allow anyone to move on with our Lives?

What good would it be to you to see us being upset by your viciousness?

Haven't you ever heard of Karma, and what goes around would eventually turn one full circle and return to haunt?



To sow a seed of hatred, and then letting it grow into a seedling, and then a tree?



I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe;
I told it not, my wrath did grow.

And I water'd it in fears,
Night & morning with my tears;
And I sunned it with my smiles
And with soft deceitful wiles.

And it grew both day and night,
Till it bore an apple bright;
And my foe beheld it shine,
And he knew that it was mine,

And into my garden stole
When the night had veil'd the pole:
In the morning glad I see
My foe outstretch'd beneath the tree.

~ William Blake; Songs of Experience - The Poison Tree.

I hope she will find it in her heart soon to allow her seed of hatred to cease, and to graciously accept what has been offered legally, and to allow all of us to move on with our Lives...



Looking at how defeated and jaded Baby was earlier was extremely heart-breaking to see... :(
I have never ever seen him so doubtful, so defeated... :(
If I could take away his pain, I would in an instant...

Yet, I, unlike the Charmed Sisters, do not have the power to Heal... :(



I only have a heart that's true, and a pair of listening ears, words of comfort; and hands that would hold him tightly through all of Life's obstacles...



I will be strong for You & for US, Both!
Don't give up!
Gambaette Baby! ♥



Nobody trips over mountains.
It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble.
Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain.

~Author Unknown





When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."

~Author Unknown


♥

The Gift of ♥ !

I haven't seen my DeaRest GlueGun for 5 days and it feels like eternity! :(

I have been mugging for the dreaded exams, while nursing a dry cough, swollen eyes and a fever (!!!) and we were looking forward to meeting up after my Exams this coming weekend, which he said he didn't know how he was going to survive until then via sms...
( He is such a SweetHeart, isn't he? :D )

I suggested meeting him for dinner after my Resource Planning paper and he said "Yes!" without any hesitation! =)


So we counted down the days with phone calls, emails, sms-es, conversations via MSN, and I was eagerly anticipating meeting him earlier today!


Even a classmate of mine commented on how I look different and seems so much happier recently!
(Yes, they are all on my FaceBook, and how they've noticed I've had a relationship status change...
TeeHee... :D )

And me being me, couldn't locate the taxi stand along Tiong Bahru Plaza; (Its been eons since I was last there lar!), and I wonder how he endures my kookiness at my lack of directions, like 3/4s of the time! :P


So then I hopped onto his car and he surprised me with...

THIS!


“Love is a gift. You can't buy it, you can't find it, someone has to give it to you. Learn to be receptive of that gift.”

~ Kurt Langner

The 2 outlets, for those whom are curious to try out their yummilicious cakes and pastries! :D

I dunno-what-are-they-called-swiss-rolls-thingy-that-tastes-really-GOOD!

Pretty in its sturdy box too! :D

♥

Tahh-DaHh!! Has tinge of Raspberry, cream and icing sugar = YUMMY~ :D


♥

"A wise lover values not so much the gift of the lover as the love of the giver."
~Thomas á Kempis

Thank You Baby! :D


♥

He brought me to a famous place for Bak Kut Teh (Boiled Pork Ribs Soup) along Balestier for dinner, and the place was plastered with reviews and pictures with celebrities...
It was decent soup, but I cannot wait for the ones in K.L. which Baby has promised to bring me to try when we head up to KL over the Christmas break!
:D



And then we chatted over nothing-ness at the foot of my block before I went home...
( Well, he chased me home really... :P )
=D



It has always been the little insignificant things which matter greatly to me, be it a phone call while I am sick, e-mails about everything and nothing-ness, encouragement sms-es encouraging me to study, giving me the Luck for the exams, calls to chit-chat with me and to tease me mercilessly and how just hearing his voice makes my day!


It warms my heart to know he cares, and it puts smiles on my face to know that he loves me to bits like how I ♥ him! :D



I cannot wait for the exams to be over and to spend more Quality Time with him! Am anticipating and looking forward eagerly to our White Christmas trip up to K.L over the Christmas season! :)



GlueGun,

Thank You for the yummy cakes!

It was an awfully sweet and totally unexpected surprise from you after a seemingly bad and long week!

:D

And if you are reading this... ...



I want NOBODY else BUT YOU! :D


I ♥ You!


*KisSeS*

"You Know I still Love You, Baby.
And it will never change. (Saranghae)
I want nobody nobody, But You,
I want nobody nobody, But You...
How can I be with another,
I don't want any other...
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody...

Why are you trying to, to make me leave ya?
I know what you're thinking,
Baby why aren't you listening?


How can I just,
Just love someone else and
Forget you completely?
When I know you still love me...


Telling me you're not good enough...
My life with you is just too tough...
You know it's not right so,
Just stop and come back boy...
How can this be,
When we were meant to be?


I want nobody nobody, But You,
I want nobody nobody, But You...
How can I be with another, I don't want any other...
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody...

I want nobody nobody But You,
I want nobody nobody, But You...
How can I be with another,
I don't want any other...
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody...


Why can't we just, just be like this?
Cause it's you that I need and nothing else until the end...
Who else can ever make me feel the way I,
I feel when I'm with you, no one will ever do...



Telling me you're not good enough...
My life with you is just too tough,
You know me enough so,
You know what I need boy...
Right next to you is where I need to be...


I want nobody nobody But You,
I want nobody nobody, But You...
How can I be with another,
I don't want any other...
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody...


I want nobody nobody But You,
I want nobody nobody, But You...
How can I be with another,
I don't want any other...
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody...

I don't want no body, body...
I don't want no body, body...


Honey you know it's you that I want,
It's you that I need,
Why can't you see?


I want nobody nobody, But You,
I want nobody nobody, But You
How can I be with another,
I don't want any other...
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody...


I want nobody nobody, But You,
I want nobody nobody, But You,
How can I be with another,
I don't want any other...
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody...


Back to the days when we were so young and wild and free,
Nothing else matters other than you and me...
So tell me why can't it be,
Please let me live my life my way...
Why do you push me away?
I don't want nobody nobody nobody nobody but you!"

Fever-ed and LoveSick!

Woke up this morning with a scene from those Alien movies, my eyes couldn't open, the throat was burning, and I was feel scalding hot when it was raining outside...


I guess the body's too "heaty" internally, that my eyes have been oozing pus (doesnt seem like sore eyes though! I've gotten sore eyes before! :( ), and throat hurts even when i try to swallow water...
And running a fever whilst sitting for an exam doesn't help things... =(


Baby GlueGun's SMS-es and phone calls after my paper were honestly, the best thing ever for the entire day! How it was really great to hear his voice, him joking with me to cheer me up, and how he was laughing out loudly while driving out for dinner with his family -- It made my heart skipped a couple of beats ~ Knowing that someone you ♥ whom was being cheered up by your random ramblings just simply beats any painkiller, any cough syrup there is out there! :D


He was sms-ing me throughout his 9-course dinnner at some posh-nosh hotel in the heart of town, and although they were merely words of a few hundred characters, they really put a smile on my face, especially when I was teasing him about him already being on Captain Pirate's (The Mandarin saying of 上了贼船, whereby it means an individual whom was being conned into getting up a pirate's ship...) ship, and the only way for him to escape was to walk down an 18cm wide, 10 foot long beam with sharks and piranhas below! :P

( *Laughs* I know, we share superbly hilariously lame jokes!
But forgive us! We are in ♥! :P )



I am looking forward to our short getaway trip to K.L. for the Christmas season! :D
Quality Time over wine while looking over K.L. is sounds uberly wonderful, doesn't it? :)
(Not to forget the yummy cheap food, and the S-H-O-E-S!! *sMiLes*)


It's so gonna be a White Christmas cos I've got surprises planned up my sleeves! Some of it he has an inkling of, others he has no total clue of! :P
( He reads my blog, so I cannot share the intended surprises! :P
I hope they dont fall flat on me though!)


Had anyone told me 2 months ago that I would be celebrating this Christmas overseas, happy, and loved than being a Happy Bridget Jones, than in Boiler Room, I would probably have used my heels and hit the daylights out of that person, followed by a "You must be joking!".


Had anyone told me 2 months ago that I would meet someone in the most unexpected place, go on dates with him and fall in love and get together in a matter a weeks, I would have seriously taken anything that I could get my hands on and to smack the person, and to warn that person to mind what he/she says!
( Well, and a kick in the balls, if the person happens to be a guy! LOL~ )



Love indeed comes, when you least expected it! :D




I Love You, Baby GlueGun! :D
♥


May we spend days, nights and our Lifetime together, hand-in-hand down this Journey of Love! :)
Remember what I told you earlier today - We are a Team, and SuperGlue can't do without her GlueGun! :D

Thank You for loving me and for never giving up on Us! :)




"Still we both know that the road is long,
We know that we will be together because our love is strong..."











"I guess the time was right for us to say,
We'd take our time and live our lives together day by day...
We'll make a wish and send it on a prayer...
We know our dreams can all come true with love that we can share...


With you I never wonder - will you be there for me?
With you I never wonder - you're the right one for me...



I finally found the love of a lifetime...
A love to last my whole life through...
I finally found the love of a lifetime...
Forever in my heart, I finally found the love of a lifetime...


With every kiss, our love is like brand-new,
And every star lit up in the sky was made for me and you...
Still we both know that the road is long,
(But) We know that we will be together because our love is strong...


I finally found the love of a lifetime...
A love to last my whole life through...
I finally found the love of a lifetime...
Forever in my heart, I finally found the love of a lifetime...


I finally found the love of a lifetime...
A love to last my whole life through...
I finally found the love of a lifetime...
Forever in my heart, I finally found the love of a lifetime..."