Thoughts at 4.20AM - Grossly Misunderstood...

This is a blog entry that I had written and saved in my computer when my wireless connection was having problems connecting onto the world-wide-web in the wee hours; after coming home from a round of Double D-ing with DarLing JodY...


Double D-ing was alright today, too many Caucassians, as usual. And for the 3rd week in a row, I was mistaken to be an Eurasian/Un-local girl...



{An acquaintance/friend whom I was talking on the phone for a while on the phone thought I was a Peranakan, (ie, a Straits-born Chinese who doesn't really speak Mandarin or know the language as their forefathers were usually Malays and had Chinese for wives or vice versa.) I was like...Hmmm...



Do I really look un-local? Maybe? Maybe its the genes...Or maybe, like what my Mummy always said when I was younger - "You were picked up from the dumpster..." (*Laughs*) Believe me but its not the first time when I was mistaken to be un-local/Eurasian and I bet it wouldn't be the last time...Oh well...


Some of my friends have commented that I dont look really local in some way, and maybe its gotta do with the way I speak. Some have commented that I dont sound local when I speak, I tend to speak with an accent...A mixture of Aussie, Brit, I guess... I usually start speaking with an accent to strangers or acquaintances, or when I get real nervous...And I cannot help it! =(



Its just me disliking Singlish, no offence to anyone though! I love how proper English sounds, so I try to pronounce my words with great care. But to my close dearie friends, I can sound very very local when I wanna.



And many people tend to assume that I dont really know how to speak Mandarin, partly because of the "Oh, you dont look local...Where are you from?" face... But hey, I scored As for Mandarin in my GCSEs examinations ok! *Laughs* Plus, I do revise my Mandarin by reading the Mandarin papers, by talking to Mummy and Daddy in Mandarin, and whenever I go "boxing" at those Karaoke joints! Yet, the greatest irony is that even the examiners for my Mandarin oral examinations during my O and A levels days had asked if I was local, just because they agreed that I spoke with a slight Taiwanese accent! Man!}




And as usual, some guys tried getting my number, tried dancing with me, but pZ waved them off with the usual wave of the finger and of cos, a smile...And any questions were answered with "Look, I'd be from any country and of any age you want me to be..." I wasn't in the mood to really have alot of fun, I just wanted to dance...And have heaps of shots...To top it off, some Greg weirdo from Aussie or whatsoever whom danced with darLing JodY tried dancing with me by placing his head on my chest for like a second before I walked off...Man! I was already in a bad mood, and nope, it wasn't that time of the month yet!


I had been a lil' vexed for almost the entire day. I can't exactly pin-point an exact reason for it, but maybe its just that I sometimes feel grossly misunderstood, by alot of people. I mean, close friends and family memebers usually know my what I am trying to get at most of the time, and amazingly, the mood that I am in either by just the tone of voice i use or by the words I type on MSN -- you guys know who you are! :)


I feel grossly misunderstood because for one, I was actually interested in this boy that I might have fancied, he being a sweetheart in some ways...But then again, pZ sorta screwed things up, or is it like, just another case of misunderstandings or a case of "pZ, you're TTM again!" (TTM = thinking too much.)


Those people whom know me really well would know, pZ can be pretty much a mother hen-ny figure when she wants to... I try to take care of my darlings when they're out Double D-ing with me, I make sure they dont get drunk and get home safely. Whenever someone is sick or vexed, I try to call or send a SMS to cheer them up with my nonsensical nonsense (pun intended!) And when someone needs advice, I try my best to give my 2 cents to them, irregardless of whether they choose to heed my advice. I mean, I had been there before, where I needed a listening ear or just advice, so I try my best for all of my friends, old or new...


So i have been calling this really sweetheart of a guy in the morning to wake him up, so that he wouldn't be late for work, he being sick and all... (Believe me when I tell u he is the 2nd guy that I have given morning calls to; the 1st guy being obviously the Someone, aka, ex-boyfriend.)


So I had called him before my night of Double D-ing to ask if he needed a call tomorrow in time for work when he hung up on me. I thought he was still busy at work, so I called again a while later and totally no response. So I was like yeah, ok...whatever, maybe he';s still busy...cos I wasn't in that great of a mood to begin with. Imagine it when I got a SMS from him saying I'm being possessive, and that he needed his own space whatsoever blah blah blah... I was like, huh? So pZ was a wee lil' miffed, cos I honestly didnt expect this coming, what's more, from a guy I barely know and am sussing out...


Thank Gawd for gfs and hugs! And thank Gawd for technology (once again!) and plenty of shots! So I guess I am alright now... Maybe its all a total misunderstanding, maybe we'd talk as friends like before after a while, but Im not holding onto that hope. Afterall, I dont really understand species of the other gender really well (Im still learning!), and I'd rather let this chapter close, and if another chapter opens, so be it - Que sara Sara...



{After the previous relationship, pZ has come to realise that whenever pZ has a thingy/crush/fancies someone and if it isnt mutual or that it was mutual and then somewhere along the line, shit happens, pZ seems somewhat able to move on pretty quickly and if the opposite party starts looking me up, pZ's usually pretty cool with stuff...Maybe that's part of growing up... =) }



And while on my way home after my Double D-ing session, the cab driver and I had a really interesting conversation - He apparently heard what darLing JodY and I were saying about the guy and all...After daRLing JodY got off the cab, he started talking about how guys and girls are real complicated these days, as in the way we behave and communicate to the opposite gender, which I totally agreed. He asked me why I dont have a bf when he asked if I did. He actually paid a compliment about my looks, which I was real flattered and I told him that I wasn't that much of a looker, Im just pretty much human...I had actually told him bits about my previous relationship and he did say some encouraging stuff to me...


Talking to him was theraputic in some weird way, and yet at the same time, the conversation had made me realise the fact that I am, in actual fact, a lil' wary and cynical about relationships with the opposite gender. Yet at the same time, bits and parts of me am still optimistic, that despite all the players, swingers, perverts, weirdos and MF-ers around, I am sure that someone's out there for me...


Like how Ive posted on my Friendster Profile since donkey years ago... (When I was with my ex boyfriend.)



" I need "a real, lovey boyfriend for keeps who'd change
his Friendster profile status for ME and bring me home
to his parents and everywhere to his friends..."...
(Quoted from Joanna's blogsite.) Someone who'll buy me
flowers and surprise me with insignificant things outta the blue..."






pZ's still hopeful...


(Else, I'd buy myself a dog...)




*Smiles*